End Of An ERA

With millionaires steadily deserting Ramsgate's sunny East Cliff for the artificially warmer climes of the Arsonists' Playground, it appears that the local residents' association has gone down the gurgler.

Which is a shame, as the ERA was instrumental in tarting up the area, not least by installing lovely girls on the Festival of Britain fountain on the front!

Still, it's not all doom and gloom, as there are still many civic-minded souls emailing me daily with their thoughts, discoveries and issues here on the trendy east side of town. So I've pulled together a round-up of the latest news, and called it The Round-Up Of The Latest East Cliff News!

A spate of graffiti has recently affected the East Cliff...

Apparently the Duffers' finest have been alerted and their crack team of graffiti removalists will be on the case soon.

One of the tykes that threw stones and smashed the glass in our lovely, restored shelter has apparently fessed up to the cozzers, and will no doubt spend the rest of his life in clink.

Finally, the pulhamite on the Grade II listed Winterstoke rock gardens is cracking...

This is apparently due to neglected, overgrown trees and mature shrubs, as the rocks and terraces were only intended to hold small plants.

Mind you, I was in Boredstares yesterday, now there's a place that really is looking shabby!

And that's The Round-Up Of The Latest East Cliff News!

East Of The Wantsum

Sticking with the theme of unsafe, poorly maintained, knackered old cargo jets crashing into the Millionaires' Playground and wiping out half the population, here's this week's East of the Wantsum!

East Of The Wantsum

It's Friday! And that means only one thing, East of the Wantsum fans! Yes! It's East of the Wantsum!

East Of The Wantsum

Another week, another East of the Wantsum! Apologies for the 48 hour absence, but I've been getting a bit of peace and quiet up in the big city. Well, it's not exactly been all rest and no play, as you can read in my first item for IsleOne. A bientot!

East Of The Wantsum

Here's today's EotW. As ever, click it to big it.

It's anyone's guess which page it'll appear on in our local blue top from week to week. Today it was under Countdown to Turner, my old journalist chum John Kampfner's column, writing in his guise as chairman of the Turnip Centre trustees.

I'm sure John won't mind me saying (as he probably didn't write it, but only put his name to it) that I've never read so much fantasy guff in my life. If his column is to be believed, Margate is about to be transformed into some kind of Willy Wonka wonderland, where the streets will be paved with Saatchi gold, and fifty pound notes will spew from the top of the Turner Contemporary every day for the 'ickle Margit chilren to collect. And not a mention of any destination south of Westwood Cross.

You can read it all on the excellent Margate Architecture blog, where it's been scanned and reproduced, along with, as it happens, East of the Wantsum. I don't recall giving my permission for that!

Meanwhile John Kampfner has rather more reason to celebrate in his capacity as CEO of Index on Censorship, part of the campaign group that has been fighting our archaic and draconian libel laws. The ConDems announced today that they will review our ridiculous statutes, which have made us the laughing stock of the world, and London the centre of international libel tourism.

So, if all goes well, in a couple of years time, I may be able to tell you what really happened with Euroferries!

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's EotW (click it to big it).

I'm dedicating it to the memory of my chum Mr Dickens of Broadstairs, who was prematurely taken from us in a tragic accident earlier this week. He was a regular contributor and commentator on this blog, with a devilish sense of humour and a particular way of pricking the pomposity of the puffed up and pointless politicians we suffer from on our septic isle. Mr D of B, you will be sorely missed.

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's EotW (click it to big it).

To be honest, it's such a beautiful, sunny day here in the Cannes of Kent that I've completely lost the urge to moan about anything! So I'm just going to head down to the strip, grab a cool beer from the Belgian, and take in the sight of the Heras fencing on Pier Yard, the sound of pneumatic drills on full bore, and the smell of raw sewage gurgling into the marina!

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's EotW - click it to big it. At this rate I think I can pretty well write off my invite to Cllr Baywatch's summer garden party!

Meanwhile I've been pointed in the direction of a jolly new ditty on BoobTube - The Thanet Anthem by The Thanet Loops.

Set to the tune of Alicia Keys' Empire State of Mind, it pretty well sums up our septic isle in a way that Visit Kent's description ('Thanet - the birthplace of civilisation') just so doesn't. To give you a taster, here's the opening verse:

Welcome to a place where the best nightclub is Escape
But it's always shut
An art gallery that no-one even really wants
Opened by a slut

Priceless!


Update: It seems the good folk of Newport have now jumped on the Empire State of Mind bandwagon, and have even managed to get on BBC Breakfast with it!

East Of The Wantsum

What a bloody horrible bank holiday weekend! Windy, cloudy and cold. I was hoping to hook up with Bev, my agent, in Big Deal this afternoon for an al fresco dining experience (picnic in old money), but there's no sign of it getting Walmer (Geddit??!!??!???).

Still, nothing's going to stop me donning my leathers and hanging out with my Hell's Angel chums at the Margate Meltdown tomorrow. In the meantime, you can warm yourselves up by chuckling at this week's East of the Wantsum (face fuzz special)!

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's East of the Wantsum. A fitting tribute to Our Glorious ex-Leader, methinks!

Skipping through the Gazunder moments before it became lining for Bertie's litter tray just now, a couple of items caught my eye. 'Deal makes port wind farm base' was one of them. And there was me thinking that London Array was going to be based in Ramsgate. No, wait, it is going to be based in Ramsgate. Apparently London Array's HQ will have a 'glass roof'. Er, no. It will in fact have one of those environmentally friendly, cuddly-duddly grass roofs. But hey-ho, it's only a newspaper.

Further in we read about poor, beknighted Boredstares greengrocer John Prentis, who's been served a noise abatement order by Thanet Council after complaints about his loud 6am fruit deliveries. The notice was served last December, and he's failed to comply, but only now does he see fit to make a whining noise in the local paper. 'Fifteen years we have been trading here and there have been no complaints,' moans John. 'A lot of people are afraid we will be leaving town because we can't trade without our delivery. The way things are going there will be no small businesses left in Broadstairs.' Yeah yeah.

I can't help feeling there's another side to this story that the Gazette's newshound hasn't bothered investigating. I mean, surely all he has to do to comply is make his deliveries, er, quietly? Or could it be that he's got the arse because a DFL has gone to a lot of effort and expense to open a beautiful boutique B&B next door, and may not want her guests woken up by some loudmouthed oiks offloading narnas at the crack of sparrow's fart?

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's blah blah yakety-schmakety click it blah etc etc.

Please forgive the lack of enthusiasm. Bit of a hangover.

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's EotW, which appeared in the Isle of Thanet Gazunder yesterday. Not a bad stab, seeing as I wrote it last weekend.

It's only the media that are getting all hot under the collar about this hung parliament thingo. Grey areas, indecision and delay don't make for good headlines. As far as I can see the country hasn't fallen apart while the politicians lock themselves behind closed doors and jerk off over their manifestos. It's the civil servants who actually run the show. A bit like our beloved council, really!

East Of The Wantsum

By George, I've got a dragon of a hangover! I'm not sure what I did or where I was after about 10pm last night, so if anyone can fill in the gaps I'd appreciate it!

Here's this week's EotW (click it to big it). It's also been pointed out to me that there have been one or two, er, off colour classist remarks made in the comments sections during my absence, so I've nixed them. This is Thanet not Stoke Newington, you know!

East Of The Wantsum

The pace at Babestation is getting to me I'm afraid. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep it up until 6 May. I've barely got the strength left to put this week's EotW on the blog (click it to big it).

Thanks for all the suggestions for ECR's Candidate Question Time. After a few seconds deliberation, I'm going to go with my original questions. Not that there weren't some crackers from you lot, it's just that I really want to pin the buggers down to three clear points. And they also happen to be the points that interest me most.

Now, where did I put those blue pills?

Easter Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's East of the Wantsum (click it to big it). Don't expect anything coherent from me for the next few days as I'm off to get wellied all weekend. Toodle-pip!

East Of The Wantsum

Hurrah! At last I think I've struck the perfect political balance with this week's East of the Wantsum (click on the pic to enlarge).

It refers, of course, to last week's pre-election hustings in Boredstares. Apparently Dr Ladybloke acquitted himself admirably, Laura Sandys didn't have a clue about anything, and the Lib Dem turned up 90 minutes late and nobody could remember his name!

East Of The Wantsum

Here's today's EotW, based on Thanet Community Safety Partnership's plan to 'name and shame' the local ne'er-do-wells. As you can see, nothing politically balanced this week! But all true, of course.

Meanwhile I gather there's been trouble at t'Gazunder Towers over an item in today's paper claiming that the new boss of Chas 'n' Dave Margate International Airport wants to fly 156m knackered old jumbos over Ramsgate every night. As I haven't seen the paper myself, being up in that London pitching my latest oeuvre (How Clean Are Your Celebrity Millionaire Neighbour's Embarrassing Genitals?) to Channel 4, I can't really comment. But I gather knickers were well and truly twisted!

East Of The Wantsum BOGOF!

Yes folks, it's Buy One Get One Free week in your super, soaraway Ricardus Eastcliffiensis! Not that any money changes hands for these things. Still, I like to think they're priceless. So here's this week's doodle, as featured in today's Isle of Thanet Gazunderer. Click on the pic to big it up.

And below is the first version, which the powers that be rejected on the grounds that it contained 'too much swearing'. Given that it was Mike Pearce's column in the very same Gazunder that started the whole Turner a*******s row, I think it's a bit rich, don't you? Or maybe they've been 'nobbled' by a 'very senior Thanet Council officer'!

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's EotW. For once it's been reproduced with total clarity in today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder, unlike other weeks when it's looked as if it's been printed by an arthritic baboon with cataracts.

And Mike Pearce's column is also worth a gander. The turmoil over the Turnip Centre, and the 'very senior TDC officer' who described Turnip naysayers as 'arseholes', continues!

North Of Yer Transom

Yes, the memoirs are coming along nicely, since you ask. I'm just in the process of writing up my encounter with Matt Lucas at the checkout at Budgens in Finchley.