Monday, July 24, 2006

Your Cut-Out-And-Keep ECR Guide To Davros-Style Undercarriages

Many of the locals on the Ile de Thanet appear to be propelled by means of Davros-style undercarriages (see ECR passim). Some of them can be quite nippy, and I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time before Jeremy Clarkson is endorsing them during commercial breaks on The History Channel.

Having undertaken some research into the subject on behalf of my aged Uncle Ralph, who has himself recently expressed a desire to career around Tescos like a whippet on amphetamines, here's my guide to the choice on offer:

'The Blair' - highly manoeuverable in both forward and reverse, will go anywhere using voice activation (requires Texan accent).

'The Prescott' - leather seated luxury travel, plus squeals of delight from the kids as you engage 'bucking bronco' mode.

'The Levy' - let this little beauty 'do the honours' for you! And the price is right at only £40m!

'The Cameron' - this solar-powered version is the ultimate green choice (in blue only, with detachable hood).

'The Menzies The Merciless' - for those who want to keep a low profile, this one comes with its own Harry Potter style cloak of invisibility. Replaces previous ethanol-fuelled model.

(That's enough Davros-style undercarriages - Ed.).

4 comments:

Snailspace said...

Not much good if the Oiks nick the wheels. Unless of course the Prescot comes with a spare

Lucy Mail said...

While I have every sympathy with people that can't get around on their own two legs (with the exception of 'smackhead' amputees), I don't see how it can ever be justified that they're given the ability to do it at five times walking speed. The likely result of that is, perhaps, a few more people having to use them that otherwise wouldn't have. Good for the manufacturers!
Traditionaly, to operate a vehicle with these capabilities, you'd require some kind of formal training, license, insurance and tax. And you're never, under any circumstances, allowed to operate them on a foot path!!!
Something's not quite right here, is it?

Lucy Mail said...

ps

I've seen quite a few people operating them while pissed out of their heads.
Again, traditionally people fall over and can't walk, even if they have a decent set of pins, under these circumstances. Not so with a raspberry trolley. Without need for a license there's no fear of having it taken away.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Perhaps to even things out, and to help promote diversity in the police force, the manufacturers of these vehicles should introduce 'The Starsky And Hutch' so that differently abled officers could go in hot pursuit?