An urgent mission to borrow a Victorian bathing costume last night brought me my first nocturnal glimpse of the new Boredstares Illuminations.
Cripes! I thought all those killjoys who've been writing to the local papers complaining they were garish must have been exaggerating, but not a bit of it. I wouldn't be surprised if they invite Jimmy Cricket to turn them on next year, and make mushy peas compulsory in all the town's restaurants. What next? A small, but perfectly formed effigy of the Eiffel Tower on Preacher's Knoll?
Still, at least we now know who nicked all the pretty bulbs from our harbour arches here in the Millionaires' Playground.