Sitting here in my five star hotel in Swiss Cottage last night, I happened to catch a glimpse of 'Only Fools On Horses'. Which spotty herbert at the BBC dreamt that one up? Poor old Angus Deayton looks like he's having about as much fun as if he were watching Messrs Hislop and Merton deliver his funeral oration.
The way these people dream up these programmes these days. "Oh, that would be a clever title for a show. Now, let's see, what would it be about?"
It's so simple, even I can do it:
Only Tools And Courses - ten Z-list celebrities compete to win the title of Plumber Of The Year
Only Jewels And Houses - ten Z-list celebrities compete to win the title of Burglar Of The Year
Lonely Mules And Horses - ten Z-list celebrities compete to win the title of Donkey Breeder Of The Year
Cannon And Ball - after a period of intense training, Bobby Ball is actually fired out of Tommy Cannon's backside. Kills two Z-list celebrities with one stone.
I mean, what a load of old pony. Anyway, moustache now, as I'm due on location in Hampstead.