Elton's Gone

He zipped off in his Lambo a few minutes ago.

Now, let's get back to Normal/Norman/Norma. Fact is, there isn't a Normal/Norman/Norma. I made it all up. There's just me and Bertie.

Well, that's not strictly true either. The 'Catch It' people said they'd prefer me to appear in their ads with a family. So they've supplied one. Just for the shoot, you understand. Stacey - she's my 'wife' - was in EastEnders once, walking past Martin's fruit and veg stall. And the two kids come from Central Casting.

Nice bunch, but I wouldn't want to take them home with me, if you know what I mean.