Saturday, July 15, 2006

Folking Hell

As the seedy north of the Ile gears up for this weekend's Black Smoke Jazz Festival (sponsors Bryant and May), excitement is also mounting in Broadstairs, where Victorian bathing costumes are about to make way for the thrills and spills of hemp smocks and bladders on sticks.

Yes, the Dickensians are eagerly aniticipating their annual Folk Week, which takes place next month. Around 150,000 men and women with beards are expected to descend on the quaint seaside town, turning the camp site at Upton School into a mini version of Glastonbury, with the waft of illicit drugs such as Old Nutty Shag and Nadger's Dorchester Wobbly permeating the air.

The organisers, Norman and Norma Normal, have given me a sneak preview of some of the highlights:

Ralph Barking has been squeezing his box all over the world since 1923. He has some real treats in store for Broadstairs, including his famous rendition of All Around My Hat, performed atop a hairy midget riding a unicycle (midget tbc).

Gaily adorned in their bowler hats, black breeches and dancing clogs, The Manic Morris Men Of Melton Mowbray will be staging impromptu performances throughout the week, including their world renowned set 'You Ate My Pork Pie You F*cking Bastard' (not suitable for children).

You have to admire their phlegm! The Trondheim Noseflute Choir will be flying in especially for Folk Week. Watch out for their piece de resistance, a 14 hour medley of old favourites, including Blow The Man Down, Colonel Bogey, and Greensleeves.


Lucy Mail said...

You may take the Mickey but, personally, I don't think those nose flutes are to be sniffed at!

Eastcliff Richard said...

Well it's appropriate, I think, that Boredstares should have a snortical theme.

Dr Russell Square said...

I visit this blog from time to time to time looking for a sign of some redeeming feature, talent or achievement from its author but sadly I can find none!

Angry of Kingsgate said...

Typical! You didn't mention the spoons workshop led by internationally reknowned spoons player Henry "Spoons" Malloy. His catalogue of hits such as "By the Light of the Silvery Spoon" and his work with Showaddywaddy on "Under the Spoon of Love" remain classics yet you ignore them.

Eastcliff Richard said...
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Eastcliff Richard said...

Apologies for the oversight, angry of kingsgate.

Whilst I'm apologising, I think I should also say that I forgot to mention The Gardeners will also be there with their inimitable selection of tunes played on various horticultural implements, including 'The Tool On The Hill', 'Hoe The Man Down', and 'Rake, Fettle And Roll'

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