Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Isle Have Some Of That!

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder News Editor April Furst

Thanet Council has launched an ambitious, multi-billion pound plan to get the island back on its feet. Speaking at the launch of the new scheme, which the council has dubbed Plan it! Thanet!, Tory Leader Sandy Beach said: 'We've really pulled the rug out from under the noses of our critics this time. Plan it! Thanet! is winning praise from all sides of the political plectrum.'

The scheme, which the council hopes will be completed by 2010, includes:

£100m indoor beach and pool on Margate's derelict Dreamland site
£50m state-of-the-art aquarium on Margate's derelict Lido site
£20m refurbishment of Margate's run-down Winter Gardens
£50m Imax cinema at Ramsgate's derelict West Cliff Hall site
£50m ice rink at Ramsgate's run-down Royal Pavilion
£40m to revamp Ramsgate's run-down seafront
£120m state-of-the-art fencing around the entire island

Plan it! Thanet! also proposes the purchase of several Turner paintings to hang in Margate's proposed £25m Turner Contemporary gallery and a brand new, 1000 foot landmark replacement for Arlington House to rival London's 'Gherkin', which will house Thanet Council staff. £5bn is also earmarked to relocate Manston Airport to the Goodwin Sands.

Internationally acclaimed celebrity blogger Richard Eastcliff, a long term critic of the council, told the Gazunder: 'I'm gobsmacked. It's like all my birthdays and Christmases have come at once!' Sounding a note of caution, he added: 'Are you sure this isn't some kind of sick, April Fool's joke?'


Anonymous said...

Pinch punch etc! Nice to dream though!

Dick Rubin said...

It was later found an office junior had wrongly placed the decimal point on each count, thus to read:-

£100 on an inflatable pool on Margate's derelict Dreamland site
£50 so as the pool doubles as an aquarium (pond) on alternate Thursdays.
£20 on a new doorbell at Margate's run-down Winter Gardens in case anyone wants to go in.
£50 for big Stan to show dodgy flicks on his 8 mm projector (Club Nights only (extras on the door) at Ramsgate's derelict West Cliff Hall
£50 (bill for water) to freeze on cold days at Ramsgate's run-down Royal Pavilion.
£4000 on some more of that temporary fencing.
£12000 on barbed wire fencing around the entire island.

Plan it! Thanet! also proposes the purchase of several Turner paintings photocopies to hang in Margate's proposed outdoor Turner Contemporary gallery (walls cost money)and a brand new, 10 foot sign in place of Arlington House marked 'Demolition in Progress'to rival London's pickled 'Gherkin'.
£500 is also earmarked to relocate Manston Airport to be replaced by a detachment of the Women's Auxilary Balloon Corps as an early strike force against outside interference.

Millicent said...

An ice rink at Ramsgate's Royal Victoria Pavilion - now you're talking - will there be free skating lessons for all the hordes of over 60s with their new bus passes who according to TDC are going to pour in from all over the country on day trips from today - surely we should be welcoming these visitors with open arms not moaning - the cost of few bus journeys will soon be balanced by their increased spending in local cafes and shops. The sooner we get a two-page spread in SAGA magazine - incidentally one of our island's employers - the better.

sue said...

You mean...this...this was..a....a...joke!!?

Eastcliff Richard said...

Good heavens, that's hilarious DR! Ever thought of starting your own blog? I think you'd go down a storm!

Anonymous said...

Dick Rubin rocks!

Dick said...

ECR. Glad to merely sit in support. I'm too lazy to run a blog and besides I'm not a millionaire celebrity like yourself.

Anonymous said...

Not sure where their income will come from to pay for all these developments as it won't come from business rates as there won't be any businesses left in Margate soon, apart from Solicitors as crime is getting worse, the absorbant parking fees will dive as people won't bother coming to the town.

Anonymous said...

'Absorbant parking fees'? A tissue of lies, surely!