The following statement has been released by Lord Eastcliff's London solicitors Bentley Bugatti Veyron:
There has been considerable speculation in the last few days concerning my tax status. I would like to reassure the British electorate that the £238m I have so far donated to the Conservative Party to help win marginal seats such as Thanet South is in no way 'dodgy'.
Whilst I do spend a considerable amount of time attending to my businesses in the Virgin Islands, Turks and Caicos and Panama, I nonetheless shoulder a hefty tax burden in the UK. Only yesterday I had to pay a substantial amount of VAT on a case of Chateau Lafite Rothschild from Berry Bros. Moreover, while it is also a matter of record that I promised Mr Hague I would pay tens of millions into the Exchequer upon my elevation to the peerage in 2000, it is not my fault that he failed to spot that my fingers were crossed behind my back when I did so.
I trust this will put the ordinary voters' minds at ease. I would urge all right thinking people to vote for my Old Etonian chum Dave in the forthcoming election, and look forward to being elevated to Royal if not God status when he romps home.
Cliff Top Mansion