Thursday, March 04, 2010

A Statement From Lord Eastcliff

The following statement has been released by Lord Eastcliff's London solicitors Bentley Bugatti Veyron:

There has been considerable speculation in the last few days concerning my tax status. I would like to reassure the British electorate that the £238m I have so far donated to the Conservative Party to help win marginal seats such as Thanet South is in no way 'dodgy'.

Whilst I do spend a considerable amount of time attending to my businesses in the Virgin Islands, Turks and Caicos and Panama, I nonetheless shoulder a hefty tax burden in the UK. Only yesterday I had to pay a substantial amount of VAT on a case of Chateau Lafite Rothschild from Berry Bros. Moreover, while it is also a matter of record that I promised Mr Hague I would pay tens of millions into the Exchequer upon my elevation to the peerage in 2000, it is not my fault that he failed to spot that my fingers were crossed behind my back when I did so.

I trust this will put the ordinary voters' minds at ease. I would urge all right thinking people to vote for my Old Etonian chum Dave in the forthcoming election, and look forward to being elevated to Royal if not God status when he romps home.

Lord Eastcliff
Cliff Top Mansion


derick97 said...

Ahh! thats allright then

Anonymous said...

turks & caicos panama gosh nothing to do with charlie found at manston i hope.

Anonymous said...

Were you a member of the Bullingdon Club as well as Boris, Dave, Gideon (alias George)?

Anonymous said...

Is there any truth that you had thumped the illustrious clergyman who visited Ramsgate harbour this week ? .

I ask because I heard a rumour that you had been spotted bashing the bishop is this true ?

Richard Eastcliff said...

What a peculiar question. I'm not aware that there has been any ecclesiastical argy-bargy in this parish recently!

Anonymous said...

I think you will find that," bashing the bishop" is Australasian slang for having a wank . After your recent trip down under I am surprised you did not encounter that one.

I assume it coincides with the bishop blessing the harbour that you have on the sidebar a the moment.

Anonymous said...

It must be true -I read it on ECR's blog!

Anonymous said...

What puzzle me is whether all this blessing does any good! In many a battle each side pray to god but many get slaughtered and there is only ever one winner. So one side's prays fall on deaf ears.