Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Gazette Readers To Get TT-lated?

I hear the hacks at Gazunder Towers have been getting all hot under the proverbial recently regarding a rumour that the outfit's red top is set to be merged with the more serious blue top - to make a rather fetching purple top, one imagines.

The thought of all those be-duffered and blue rinsed Gazette readers choking on their Friday morning kedgeree as they turn to page three and find Thanet Times style articles on nudie photo shoots and knicker-snapping vicars was enough to get everyone in a toby twirl. However, the suits have now apparently scotched the rumour. That hasn't stopped one intrepid member of Her Majesty's Press from circulating the following memo, though:

Hey, Thanet Times fans, betcha thought it was TUESDAY, eh?. Well it ISN'T. It's FRIDAY, and that's when you'll be getting your news fix from now on.

Your favourite paper's being combined with the Gazette, the paper with the BIG WORDS, so you'll get a double dose of weekend fun before you head off for Thorley's. Sorry folks, the t*ts won't be returning, but there's loads of new stuff.

The top geezer at the Town Hall will be telling you why things aren't as minging as you think. And we've got that sacked minister who appeared on 'Top Gear' writing just for YOU. There's even a toff spilling the beans about those boats you see off Margate when you fall out the nightclub.

Best of all, there's a bird with a posh name sharing her most INTIMATE thoughts each week. She's called Plane Jane. More like Playin' Jane, we reckon.

If you wanna real larf, don't miss the Letters Page! It's packed with old-timers belly-aching about dog cr*p and how they died for us in the war. Bl**dy hilarious! There's load of pictures of school kids (stop it Gary!) and pages of reports on what your gran's up to at the women's institute. You'll be able to find out if she won the competition to see how many objects beginning with J you can cram into a matchbox. We'll even tell you who was the guest speaker, so you can tell her if she's forgotten.

Here's an easy way to remember when to pick up your paper - it's BENEFITS DAY! So when you've pocketed your weekly wedge of wonga, wander on down to your friendly fag-seller and pick up your copy of the Thanet Times.

Whoops! Silly old us! It's the GAZETTE you ask for from now on, folks. OK? It's well good!!!!!!


Quite a bit better than a lot of the stuff you usually read in either of them, if you ask me! Like, er, this from today's TT:

RAMSGATE Library is set to rise from the ashes, three and a half years after being ravaged by fire four years ago.

Or, um, this:

AN elderly pensioner is living in fear after a con artist tried to swindle £450 for four coats before leaving them at his house. The 84-year-old, who was too scared to reveal his name, said he was walking to Ramsgate high street when he was stopped at the corner of George Street by an Italian who pretended to know him....

A police spokesman added: 'The advice remains - if an offer sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Be cautious, as this gentleman Mr D***er
(my asterisks) appears to have been in this case.'

Update: Both these stories have now had the errors removed, online at least. As I sit here, whiling away my time cheating the dole, it gives me a nice, warm feeling in my cockles to know I'm acting as as unpaid, post hoc sub for the Daily Mail Group!

12 comments:

Matt B said...

Newspapers are having a hell of a time moving with the times.

Peter Checksfield said...

Great news, I might get a few more posh birds to strip off for my site! ; )

Anonymous said...
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Eastcliff Richard said...

A momentary lapse of brain/finger connectivity on the part of 2:15 there, methinks.

Anonymous said...

Don't know why they bother with the TT these days. It's such a thin paper - only barely more than 30 pages this week - that merging with the ITG is a better plan. Rumours have been around for months now about its demise.

Time was when the TT could boast about 8-9,000 copies a week and the Gazette around 20,000. I doubt the two together get 20k these days. A little while back, I saw an old broadsheet copy of the Thanet Times from the mid 1960s. It was well written and well designed by people who really cared about turning out a classy product. If the TT does die, I shall shed a small tear, I'm sure. It was after all where I began my so called career in the 1970s.

You can get pretty much all the news you need from the selection of three free Thanet papers, Thanet Extra, YourFannit and the Obscene - the latter being owned by ITG and TT group - plus of course the Thanet blogs, internet and local radio. In sheer numbers then, Thanet is well served by media and is actually a very newsy area - the envy of many others.

These are desperate times for local papers and those employed in producing them - expect more cuts before long, I say.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your comments Clive. Am sure when you kick the bucket we will miss you too!

Anonymous said...

Shame on you for treating our Jane like Trailer Trash ECR after all the nice things she said about you in her New Year message.

I was waiting for the earth to move when you and her get together. It could have been the showbiz union of the year, but your bad manners are sure to earn you the bum's rush instead?!

Millicent said...

Talking about newspapers does anyone know whether the new Ramsgate Library will have the old newspapers on microfilm again or will we still have to go to Margate for those? The Thanet Times was a good paper during WW1.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Er, in case you didn't get it 10:35, the memo is indeed an actual memo penned by someone at the Gazunder offices.

I could never write anything as unpolished, as I'm sure regular readers will have already clocked!

Tony Beachcomber said...

Well it looks as if I will only checking up on whose been Hatched, Matched and Dispatched only one a week instead of two. I just do not know what to do with the spare time

ECR it is really bad news about the T*ts, in fact it is tragic.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to see the Gazette is moving offices next week, as the building is associated with them and moving to Hawley SQ. At least they didn't choose to move to Westwood, like the rest of the herd, and have moved opposite to TDC's HQ, to Hawley Sq.

Thom said...

I can assure you the memo was written by no one in this office! Nor is any of it even slightly true! With Thanet Times sales as they are there is no reason for them to drop the title. As you are no doubt aware Medway has undergone changes but the Thanet titles will remain as they have since 1869 and 1959.