Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells

As usual at this time of year I'm inundated with work, spoilt for choice, cup runneth over, etc.

So far, Bev, my agent, has me pencilled for Widow Twankey at the Neasden Hippodrome, as I can't say I'm really tempted by the other offer, to take part in a revival of Celebrity Squares for Nigerian TV.

There's also a possibility of appearing in costume in a Yuletide capacity at the Hempstead Valley Retail Park. I've looked it up on the web, but it doesn't sound too savoury, judging by the history section:

Village ‘characters’ abounded in Hempstead. There was John Hoare, a toothless, one eyed old manned, dressed summer or winter in a dark felt hat and raincoat. He lived in a little wooden hut in a cherry orchard. Then there was Dirty Gert, who lived in a dolls house-sized one bedroom bungalow and produced a new baby every year.

Yikes! If I was into that kind of thing, I'd be better off applying for the job of Margate Town Sergeant!

4 comments:

adem said...

Are you sure you're talking about Hempstead Valley?? Is sounds pretty much like the 'history secion' of Newington:

The Cherry Orchard, where weirdos go, and there are an abundance of 'Dirty Gerts' who have a child every year. Of course replace 'bungalow' for 'council house'.

coincidence? I think not.

Lucy Mail said...

You seem to know an awful lot about it, Abominable Adem.

Lucy Mail said...

Oh, and BTW, maybe SGT Moores would be interested in the job?
....or should we not mention him any more?

Eastcliff Richard said...

I could see him in the uniform, being a former Royal Marines commando and all. In fact, he could go commando and save on the underwear allowance.