Flaming Murdochs! This newspaper lark isn't quite what it's cracked up to be, is it?
While I've been away on my hols, my highly-paid pack of newshounds on the Isle of Thanet Gazunder have only managed to write a paltry four stories.
Just tootling around the Ile in the old TT earlier, I saw at least five remarkable sights that would make a good story, viz:
1. Margate Harbour actually full of water. Must be a very high tide. The council have ramped up the sands all along the beach. Presumably they're worried about the sea rising too far and putting all the fires out.
2. An 'Acquired On Behalf Of Clients' board on the splendid old Lido sign in Cliftonville. Coming soon, luxury apartments?
3. Truckloads of hairy-arsed film crew making some sort of drama on Kingsgate Bay. Just follow the pink arrows with 'LOC' (for 'location') on them.
4. Traffic chaos in Boredstares, as, for reasons known only to themselves, the Dickensians make their streets even narrower.
5. More arrows painted on the surface of Dumpton Park Drive than Davey Crockett had in his hat, including one directing road traffic up what appears to be a footpath.
Anyway, I've given all the Gazunder hacks a bollocking and told them to get their news noses to the grindstone. That should do the trick.