Saturday, October 21, 2006

Climate Change - Special Report

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Staff

With climate change top of the agenda at the meeting of EU leaders in Finland this week, how will it affect us here in Thanet?

Average summer temperatures are already several degrees above what they were only a few decades ago, and scientists agree that we could soon see baking 40C+ heatwaves, and standpipes on every street corner.

So we've got together with a crack team of climatologists from the University of Kent to predict how Margate, Ramsgate and the rest of Thanet could change forever over the coming years.

Not all the effects of climate change will be detrimental to the isle. New crops, such as these dates, will replace cabbages and cauliflowers, and farmers will be able to grow delicious Mediterranean style veggies such as tomatoes and peppers.

Even Caribbean crops such as cannabis might be grown outdoors, rather than in bedrooms and industrial estates as at present.

In turn this could lead to a booming trade in exports and tourism for the Port of Ramsgate, seen here in this computer simulation as scientists predict it will look in the year 2100.

However, our scientists predict that hot, Sahara-like winds could spell disaster for the north of the island. Margate's sandy beaches would be blown away, and many of its buildings will spontaneously combust (no change there - Ed). In this computer simulation for the year 2100, only Cliftonville remains inhabited.

Even Margate's famous Winter Gardens will be washed away by rising tides.

But the sheltered south of the island will fare much better, with Ramsgate becoming a top tourist destination to rival the likes of Cannes or Monte Carlo. Here we see how Ramsgate's Main Sands and East Cliff will look in 2100.

International tourism will become such a major part of Ramsgate's economy that the council will be forced to blow dry the beach daily, as they currently do in Italy, to meet international standards.

(That's enough climate change photos - Ed.)


tony flaig bignews said...

I think your latest posting is some piss poor attempt to use up excess holiday photos with a completely bogus climate change story.

Little Weed said...

The threat of holiday photos was always there and we have to suffer them eventually

Anonymous said...

Tony, you certainly are as sharp as a pin, eh?
It's not completely bogus as Margate already looks akin to the projected image.
They say that a picture speaks a thousand words.
I'd imagine that that almost applies here, only instead of using 'words' I'd use something much more accurate that rhymes with it.
And there is actually a word that rhymes with 'it' that would suffice!

Anonymous said...

Holiday photos? What sort of person would take holiday photos of a major port and various tourist landmarks?

Lucy Mail said...

Not forgetting Meregate which is neither of those things and so much less!