It's Back!

No, not me. I'm on a break. I mean the funfair on the Pleasurama eyesore. Just spotted them setting up.

I don't know, first they were on, then they were off. Then they were on again. Then off. Now it looks like they're on. Again. Bit like the EDF leccy supply round here, I suppose!

Moon Shot

I know, I know. I'm meant to be having a break. But I couldn't resist this. There's an amazing view from the balcony of my cliff top mansion tonight. The moon glinting on the sea is quite beautiful. I took this photo just now, hope you like it.

What with that, all the showbiz deaths announced today, and the gin, I'm... I'm welling up.

Separated At Birth?

Reader Samantha writes:

I wonder if anyone else has spotted a similarity between the recently deceased iconic Swedish film maker Ingmar Bergman and that nice presenter of Channel 4's Grand Designs, Kevin McCloud? Are they by any chance related?

Icon

Ikea

Cone Fishing

Zillions of millionaires on Ramsgate beach this afternoon. It seems summer has finally arrived!

Clearly we're now well into the silly season. Parliament has broken up, with old One Eye Brown off to stay with his brand new chum Camp David. The kiddy-diddlers at the BBC (a survey out today shows 60% of adults now trust the BBC less since scandals such as the faked Blue Peter phone-in) have all scarpered to their villas in Tuscany, leaving the viewers to digest endless repeats. And, as you can see by the headline on this post, I'm rapidly running out of ideas for atrocious puns.

So it's time for a bit of a break. There are ice creams to be licked, bottles of Krug to be popped, and an autobiography to be written. But like the Beeb, I'll be bunging up a few repeats, and who knows, if something interesting happens I might even be persuaded to comment on it. As I've always said: You can't get rid of me that easily!

Reading Between The Lines

Margatonians might be forgiven for thinking that all roads out of the town now lead to Reading in Berkshire.

Of course, we all know that one of Margate's prime eyesores, the Dreamland site, is owned by Reading firm Waterbridge. And that Head Dreamland Saver, Nick Laister, who wants to put knackered old rides on the site, is based a few miles up the road in Wantage.

Now the council has given the contract to renovate the pier to a company called Pineapple. It's been quite a trek finding out who Pineapple are, as there's more than one company of that name, but the old Eastcliff mincers eventually alighted upon Pineapple Property (Kent) Ltd. Who, despite having the word Kent in their title, have their registered office in? You've guessed it, Reading!

To be fair, four out of the six shareholders do live in Thanet, according to the latest annual return filed at Companies House, with the other two living in Oxfordshire (not far from Reading).

Oh well, that's what attracting investment is all about, I suppose. Just as long as Margate doesn't end up as, er, attractive as Reading!

Flight In The Ointment

I see our 400 tonne chum is practising not crashing into the Millionaires' Playground again this morning. How nice for the carnival!

Ramsgate's Big Weekend

The Millionaires' Playground is the place to be this weekend! This evening sees the Summer Fiesta at our out-of-this-world East Cliff Bandstand, featuring the St Peter's Stage Band, Vocal Expressions a la Mode, and The Grumpy Gypsy (courtesy of Councillor/Doctor Doctor/Councillor Simon Moores).

And tomorrow we're holding our rip-snorting carnival, with scantily clad luvvlies parading up and down the front dressed in only the skimpiest of sequin-spangled bathing suits. Or am I getting confused with that dream I had last week? New attractions for this year's carnival are:

The Mayor Hair Bunch: Our bouffoned tonseuristas will be handing out free mayor-alike candy floss to the kiddies.

Turn The Councillor Blue: Councillor Mike Taylor, who was recently elected our first and only Ramsgate First representative, but then discovered he had 'always been a Conservative at heart', has sportingly agreed to be paraded around town on the back of a truck and pelted with rotten plums.

Guess The Weight: Plucky Thanet Council officers have volunteered to stand on the rotting Albion House balcony. All you have to do is guess how many it'll take before it collapses!

The weather, however, may not entirely play ball, with the East Cliff bash looking like fun in the sun, while the carnival might end up being a pain in the rain. If only people didn't jet off to sunnier parts and leave our traditional resorts to suffer the climate consequences, we might get our summer back!

Thanet Plan-It

Hurrah! I've just taken delivery of my copy of the Thanet District Council Corporate Plan 2007-2011 and boy, what a gripping read! Enough to make me put down the latest Harry Potter, although we all know by now that he dies at the end so that hasn't exactly been holding my attention.

Most of the contents have already been aired extensively. Nonetheless, when you're onto a good thing, milk it. That's my motto. So here are the highlights:

Economy: Continue support for Manston and their one, rather dodgy plane. Establishment of a Thanet Festival programme. Promote a 'cafe culture'. 300 more homes at Westworld Chaos by 2012 with 2km of road improvements. Commercial diversification of Port Ramsgate including fish/market/restaurant facilities. Margate - Turnip, Dreamland, Arlington, blah blah.

Safety: Reduce crime (natch). Er...

Beautiful Thanet: Less rubbish and barkers' nests. More green, blue and, um, gold flags (What they? - Ed.)

Housing: Encourage developers who build quality homes, and for every development insist that quality of design and material is key. Use the council's assets and landholding to develop new homes. Concrete over anything that moves.

Healthy Communities: More community centres, activities for the kiddies, grants for the less fortunate.

Modern Council: Reduce number of council offices by moving to one site (where?). More benefits claimants and fewer books for the rebuilt Ramsgate Library. Less than 83 years to deal with a complaint.

Coincidentally I see our Sandy has been blowing his own trumpet again in today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder. His new theme appears to be 'Margate has turned the corner'. Let's hope it's the same, 180 degree corner that most day trippers turn when they discover Dreamland and just about everything else is closed.

TV Or Not TV?

I've received an email from those nice people at Kent on Sunday asking me if I'd like to upload my ECR TV films onto their new TV on demand site. Here's what they say:

I am contacting you from KOS Media, the company which publishes the newspapers Kent on Sunday and Saturday Observer, and the website www.kentnews.co.uk. We are currently expanding our services to the people of Kent, with a new series of local newspapers and websites.

We are also launching a unique online TV on demand service featuring video material created by both our reporting staff and members of the community who wish to upload material. We are confident in attracting a large Kent-based audience to our new sites, and we are keen to share the material you have posted on YouTube with our viewers.

We are writing to ask your permission to upload your Thanet films onto our site, and to share it with the hundreds of thousands of people who are regular readers of our publications.

It's left me wondering why Kent County Council should line Saint Bob's already bloated pockets with our taxes to produce KCC TV, when a commercial organisation like KOS Media can provide a community 'television' service for Kent that's effectively free. Answers on a video postcard please.

Dreamland Dream Comes True!

Reader Marky-Warky, aka Thanet's Greatest Living Rocker, Mark Hewins, will be chuffed to see that his plans for Margate seafront have been taken up, in part at least, by no less a figure than our glorious council leader Sandy Beach!

Mark's proposal included the pedestrianisation of Margate front. Now Thanet Adscene is reporting our Sandy as saying the front will be restyled to give priority to pedestrians. The Save Dreamlanders will be cock-a-hoop too, as Sandy also endorses their plan to put knackered old rides on the site, along with a stipulation that at least 51% of the area be devoted to a funfair.

Now I know in the past I've stood on rather less than firm ground when it comes to Dreamland. As would, apparently, any housing development that might be bunged up there, due to the soggy nature of the terrain. And we know from past experience that any front page lead in the Sadscene, especially one that features a pronouncement from Mr Beach, should be treated with more than a soupcon of salt. But really, where's the vision? Where's the state of the art, digital coasterdrome Margate deserves? Honestly!

Pile-Up On Victoria Parade

Another scoop for ECR! Regular reader Samantha has just emailed me these photos. She writes:

The East Cliff in Ramsgate came to a stand still this morning following a collision between two cars at the junction of Victoria Parade and Victoria Road. I had my small digital camera on me and took these photographs. An officious little man in an NHS hi-vis came up to me and told me it was 'illegal' to take photos, quoting 'patient confidentiality'. I told him I was perfectly within my rights as I was standing on the public footpath, at which point he got onto his mobile saying 'I'm going to have to call my controller'.

Sounds like utter tosh to me, Samantha. So, here are the pictures they tried to ban!



On a serious note, you have to wonder whether our local caff-crushing, car-crushing councillor Dave Green's new safety bollards are working along this stretch of road. Cars still have to edge out of the side roads onto Victoria Parade before they can see what's coming. I'd hesitate to suggest traffic lights at this junction, though, as that would just turn all the side streets into rat runs.

Golden Browne

The East Cliff's grimy back streets are remarkably clear of barkers' nests at the moment, and the crushed Carlsberg and Strongbow cans are easily circumnavigated, so I thought I'd vary my route for today's afternoon stroll. Blow me down if I didn't come across this:

A wall plaque commemorating John Collis Browne, inventor of one of the Victorian era's most famous patent medicines. It seems Mr Pfizer wasn't the only pharmaceuticalist to take a shine to this part of Kent! Upon closer inspection the plaque reveals that it commemorates the death of Collis Browne in the very house it's attached to at the, er, ripe old age of 65. So perhaps the stuff wasn't exactly the elixir of life.

Upon arriving back at my cliff top mansion, I took the liberty of looking the chap up on Wikipedia. Apparently his 'Chlorodyne' mixture sold in bucketloads. Not surprising, really, as it was mainly composed of opium, chloroform and cannabis.

I'm sure he'd be pleased to know that you can still buy at least two of those ingredients within yards of his plaque, albeit no longer from a chemist!

The Lunch Bunch

More good news on the work front. A well-known publisher has offered a substantial advance for my autobiography. Hurrah! Next stop, Richard and Judy!

Consequently I've been rifling through the old Eastcliff diaries and they make fascinating reading. Here are some scintillating examples:

5 July 94 - Lunch with xxxxx xxxxxxxx in Covent Garden. Offered free tickets to the British Grand Prix, but had to decline due to imminent departure for the villa in the south of France.
6 July 94 - Lunch in Chelsea with BBC exec to discuss my upcoming series.
11 Aug 94 - Chat with Chief Presidential Advisor on Whitehouse lawn. Followed by lunch.
19 Aug 94 - ITV interview with xxxxx xxxxxxxx cancelled due to the latter being a bit, er, worse for wear. Dinner in Covent Garden.
25 Aug 94 - Sally Line ferry on fire out of Ramsgate. Lunch with xxxxxx xxxxx in Islington.

Gripping stuff I'm sure you'll agree. I've disguised the names to protect the guilty, and, more to the point, make you pay for the book when it comes out!

Chocolate Fountain

Good heavens! What on earth has happened to the trendy East Cliff's Festival of Britain Fountain? Here it is in November last year:

And here it is this morning:

I know the KFC gulls have a penchant for irrigating their colons in the fountains foamy spumes (who wouldn't after a chomp on the Colonel's finest?), but this is meant to be a historic, decorative feature not a flaming bird bath! All that gull poop's turning it green!

The Voice Of Doom

Bev, my agent, called to say I've been booked for a gig! Apparently one of those disaster committees need to update their emergency messages, you know, 'Remain calm', 'Everything is under control', 'Please drown quietly', that sort of thing, and they picked the old Eastcliff larynx for its 'reassuring quality'!

Not my usual cup of Earl Grey, I admit. I'd like to sneak in a few bon mots, I'm sure I'll be able to persuade them that a spot of humour in adversity is the British way!

Noah End To The Rain?

Well it hasn't stopped tipping it down here in the Millionaires' Playground all afternoon. Still, we must be grateful that we're nowhere near as badly off as those poor blighters in the Midlands.

Sitting here in the comfort of my cliff top mansion, well above sea level, I began to wonder what would happen should the Wantsum flood. Would Kent County Council build us a bridge? Or would they be content to leave us to our own devices and float off into the North Sea?

Hmmm. On that note, I'm off to start constructing an ark!

Acceptance Speech

Well I see Dr M has now graciously (as ever) received his Hypocrite of the Year Award. Here's his acceptance speech:

As readers will know, I'm a reluctant censor and I would rather leave it to others to moderate their comments, as unlike other bloggers, I don't have the luxury of sitting in front of my PC all day. I work for a living, I have a family, I have a life and I can be hundred of miles away when comments appear.

I'm not a "publisher." This is not a newspaper its an "open forum" and you will see a waiver to that effect on the sidebar.

I don't need to hide behind a malevolent under-achieving fictional character with too much time on his hands and I don't need to constantly invent stories about anyone.

As for thanking ECR, he should be thanking me! Without his relentless fictional content about me, much of his blog simply wouldn't exist
How sad!

Well, Simes, that's, er, smashing, although I'd just like to pick you up on one or two of those points:

I'm a reluctant censor Um, short memory there, Doc, maybe you should have the old bonce looked over. Wasn't it you who emailed me last year attempting to get a comment about you removed from my blog? And we've all lost count of the number of times you've turned comments off. Although I admit you seemed quite cheerful when one of your supporters labelled me a paedophile recently.

I'm not a "publisher." This is not a newspaper its an "open forum" and you will see a waiver to that effect on the sidebar. Although you're happy to threaten people who attack you and your cronies with the old 'I've got your IP address and the cops will be round toute de suite because this is libel in exactly the same way as the printed word' ploy. And excuse me, but didn't you style yourself, until recently, 'Thanet's Alternative Newspaper'?

I work for a living, I have a family, I have a life and I can be hundred of miles away when comments appear. Er, but you're only too happy to let us know you're on the blog from your first class BA seat to Dubai.

I don't need to hide behind a malevolent under-achieving fictional character with too much time on his hands and I don't need to constantly invent stories about anyone. I think you'll find I'm only malevolent towards barefaced hypocrites, Doc. And yes, I've got all the time in the world for that.

As for thanking ECR, he should be thanking me! Without his relentless fictional content about me, much of his blog simply wouldn't exist. How sad! Relentless fictional content? How on earth can a couple of passages reproduced word for word from your blog be fictional? Oh, well, er, there again!

As for the Doc frequently featuring on these pages, I'll admit that he does seem to crop up more than most, although I'd hardly call it 'relentless'. But then, he's chosen to be a high profile Tory politician, what are we meant to do, all bend down and chant 'we are not worthy'? Come on, Doc, if you can't stand the heat, why are you in the kitchen?

And by the way, you still haven't adequately explained why you shouldn't be reported to the Standards Board for publishing comments about 'Gippos'.

Manston In A Spin

I see this week's Isle of Thanet Gazunder carries a full page puff for RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport in the form of an interview with the airport manager, 28 year old Matt Clarke. Mr Clarke's clearly rattled by my petition to No. 10 Downing Street to improve the regulation of the airport, as his first para reads:

My role covers a wide variety of aspects including responsibility for the airport and staff safety. This involves compliance with all aviation rules, council regulations and noise abatement laws.

Yeah, right. Elsewhere the paper reports that in June this year there were 100 heavy training circuits over the course of five days. Anyway, I'm sure that supporters (Tony) of the non-stop, oozalum style training flights will chime in here with the usual pro-noise and pro-air pollution arguments.

And speaking of puffs, I've just nipped back from Pride over in Margate, before, er, nipping back again. A word of warning though. The closure of Marine Drive appears to have had quite a knock-on effect on the Ile's roads, which are more bunged up than Melvyn Bragg with a bad head cold, especially around Westworld Chaos. I think I'm going to have to jump in my millionaire chum's Sunseeker for the trip back!

Hypocrite Of The Year Award

On whose blog would you find a statement from its publisher like this:

I think, OVIT, you are confused with one person being banned from this website for attempting to export the personally offensive material and language so frequently found on his own...

Whilst allowing a comment on the very same post like this:

As he was awaiting his fry up ... an untaxed wreck of a Tranny pickup pulled up and some Gippos came in to collect old catering range etc ... to take as scrap metal. My mate watched the Dept of Environment inspectors slink off out the way until the gippos had driven off in their untaxed (probably uninsured unroadworthy) truck. And YES ... the gippos were smoking !!!!!

I'll give you a clue. He's a councillor. And, er, he's not Labour.

Child's Play

Yet more news from the north side. My spies have spotted a group of school children conducting interviews in Margate under the auspices of the Margate Town Partnership. Apparently they've been tasked with writing essays about the future of the town, which will no doubt resurface at some point as detailed (and presumably free) 'research'.

Interestingly they've been warned of a couple of 'no go' areas. No mention of retail being converted into residential, and no mention of other boroughs shipping their unfortunates to the seaside.

Speaking of retail being converted to residential, whatever happened to the questions that were going to be asked about public money being used to tart up the Outfitters Gallery, which went on the market recently for £415,000? I see on the Lovetts website that the price has now dropped to £399,950. Perhaps the owners have decided to offer a 'controversy discount'?