Friday, December 07, 2007

When Is A Library Not A Library? Part 2

When it's Thanet Gateway Plus, of course!

The latest edition of our beloved council's very own trumpet-blowing magazine Thanet Matters devotes a front page and several hundred words to the revamping of Margate Library, which re-opens its doors on the 7th of January and now features Thanet Gateway Plus (urgh!), a 'one stop shop' for council services. But casting the old Eastcliff mincers over the lavish, double-page spread, I clocked only two mentions of the word 'library'. Oh yes, plenty of 'customer service' this, and 'council officers' that, but 'books'? Not a dickie bird!

Santa really must be on his way, as Thanet Matters wasn't the only Christmas present that plopped out of my local paper...

The local rozzers have spent a bob or two too, telling us how luvverly duvverly everything is round here. Actually my housekeeper had occasion to be thankful for the bizzies while I was away. Yet again she came across a posse of them in one of those grimy backstreets, this time tackling some ne'er-do-well with a gun. Cripes!

Anyway, as yuletide is clearly fast approaching, I've decided to put my Christmas deccies up!


tony flaig bignews said...

how do you qualify for a copy of Thanet matters, I rarely get one.

When I made enquires a few months ago I was informed that the 6 grand or so squandered on this glossy brochure featuring our beloved hero sandy beach and pals, included delivery with KRNs Adscene, this is something that has only happend once or twice.

Still at least thanet council haven't thought to start their own tv channel.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Oh but really Tony, it's worth it. I mean, how else am I going to get a festive blaze going in my antique style wood burner?

Knight Baboom of the Black and White Seagull said...

Tony, how, you ask, do you qualify for a copy ?

Get yerself ( bare left breast, trouser leg rolled up, one bare foot, hoodwink, noose round neck) down to St Lukes. Have your nose rubbed like a naughty puppy on to a volume of the sacred law amidst a square and dividers arranged as a vesica pisces, kiss the grand master knight kid dosh staff of the divine proportions and ask if he will split and lave his copy with you.

Do you know nothing about how to gain advantage in Thanet.

Have a word with Anagram Man the tyler at the door. No one knows where his mother was born but they are all sure he is a damn fine fellow.

If you are presented with a copy you must fold it in the proportions of the Temple of Solomon and stuff it into your leather pinny whilst perambulating around the encampment being pursued by a sword wielding retired ambulanceman in need of a haircut.

Well you did ask. And if you are still wondering why masonic ritual is such a secret .. would you admit to being conned by Elias Ashmole into acting like a pratt in exchange for the chance of some personal advancement ?

Hiram Bailiff said...

Oh and Tony while you are at it you might trip over the answer to a question which has long puzzled locals. The whereabouts of a Thanet Police night shift.

Do not mention Ya Boo Sucks the ineffable name of the guvnor in the sky.

Anonymous said...

The next issue of Thanet Matters should announce the planned creation of a Thanet Lodge of Antient and Accepted Klingons.

Candidates on acceptance will progress through degrees each with its own secret recognition headbutt.

Through enactment of allegorical plays members advance in morality.

We don't claim to make our members better men than non members but our aim is to make our members better Klingons than they would otherwise have been.

Good day to die Lodge Captain.

Anonymous said...

Bloody hell Tony you do attract them.

Anonymous said...

What has two balls and a cane got to do with it anyway bloody hell ?

Anonymous said...

Tony is running scared now. The local lodges may not like being brought into ridicule.

Beware albino demolition contractors.

Anonymous said...

Don't think TDC know there is going to be a library in the new building, which makes sense.
There isn't.

Anonymous said...

There are usually some copies of Thanet Matters in the reception area at Cecil Street should you happen to be passing, or in the library - if we have one?

Amused said...

That policeman looks incredibly young!

Anonymous said...

This is awful news for the looks like the district have taken over most of the Library space.Who allows these terrible decisions?Why was tgere no public consultation?It will ruin our Library I used to enjoy going in and reading the paper finding things out in the local studies,now i will have to listen to housing benifit arguments etc this is not how a Library should be..I Despair..

Anonymous said...

It's fairly obvious that KCC have no regard for the public or their staff.

Anonymous said...

thank god....i really thought this was going to pass without anyone noticing how awful and distressing this gateway thing is going to be to library users and staff. It's just appalling and KCC should be ashamed of the depths they've plumbed joining tdc in this venture.

Michael Child said...

This is a library, silence please.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Shut up you little ****! F***in' 'ell. I bin waitin' f***in' 'ours!
I gotta 'ave a fag!