Crumbs! My predictions last year turned out to be pretty accurate, so I thought I'd give it another go for 2008! Here's what I saw after a good long stare into my crystal balls:
A cold month, with much wind emanating from the north. A great wailing and gnashing of teeth will be heard in the region of Cecil Square as one foolhardy member of the public attempts to borrow a book.
February will be slightly longer this year but still quite short by usual standards. A well known Ramsgate millionaire will be inundated with offers of marriage on the 29th.
Thanetians will celebrate a new feast day, to be called The Closing of The Museums. This will become an annual event, rivalled only by the already popular Nailing Up of the Khazis. A great gloom will spread across the island as Council Tax demands arrive.
This will be the fourth month of the year. There will be new developments offering the same old promises - luxury apartments, retirement homes, and buy-to-let opportunities.
Thanet's rugged chieftain will celebrate his first year in power by laying a carpet in Kingsgate and instigating free parking (outside his shop in Cliftonville).
This will be a hot month, and many buildings in Margate will suffer spontaneous combustion. Victorian bathing costumes will be all the rage in Broadstairs. (What's new? - Ed.)
A great hoard will depart from RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport, only to discover that their holiday consists of flying over Ramsgate every nine minutes for the rest of the week.
Our leaders will sign a treaty with China and the island shall henceforth be known as 'Hong Kong'.
Many famous celebrities bearing presents will flock to Thanet to celebrate the birthday of its foremost citizen. To avoid the rush, please send your gift in advance to: Richard Eastcliff, Cliff Top Mansion, Victoria Parade, Ramsgate, Kent.
This month will come before November, but after September.
With winter approaching, much of the area will suffer from debilitating eyesores. The islanders will give these various names, such as 'Dreamland', 'Pleasurama', and 'West Cliff Hall'.
A great traffic jam will form at Westwood Cross as the island's inhabitants rush to buy presents for Christmas, which I predict will this year be on the 25th.
Phew! That's enough almanac, pass the Armagnac!