Wheelie Bins On Fire, Rollin' Down The Road

Apologies to the late, great Bob Dylan (He's not dead - Ed.) for appropriating his lyrics, but there appears to have been a spate of what can only be described as 'arson about' across the island recently.

Not that earner burners and the like are unknown here in Fannit. But having torched all the big stuff (Dreamland, Pleasurama, most of Margate), the local ne'er-do-wells have now turned their attention to the slightly more trivial pursuit of popping the odd Bryant and May into our wheelie bins.

Showing a modicum of talent for the job, they are targeting the recycling bins, being, as they are, full of combustibles such as paper and plastic. Even the local fules know it's hard to set light to cat turds, soiled nappies, and used condoms.

Regular contributor Steve has put an FOI request into the boys in brown at Kent Fire and Rescue, and come up with some startling figures. In the three-and-a-bit years since records began, there have been 74 wheelie bin fires on the Ile de Thanet, that's around two per month. Out of those 74, almost a third (26) have been in Central Harbour ward, down here by our lovely Ramsgate Royal Harbour. Thus confirming my theory that the closer to large amounts of water something gets, the more likely it is to burst into flames.

I guess it's all in the name of 'fun'. But, as they say, it's all fun and games until someone gets burnt to death.

Earner Burner

Flaming heck! It seems that our beloved council has just spent £1.5m on revamping Margate Crematorium, according to their latest press release. Unusually for The Duffers it was brought in on time and under budget.

Among the improvements are a back-up generator, new electric coffin trolleys, new CCTV, a new staff canteen and a new cold store facility (let's hope there's a degree of separation between the latter two). They've also managed to cut emissions by 100%. Hurrah!

But tucked away in the small print is this little gem: 'Installation of heat exchanger to run heating from excess heat from filtration equipment which will massively reduce utilities cost.'

Which means, ladies and gentlemen, that when your beloved Aunt Doris goes up in smoke, she'll be helping to pay TDC's utility bills! 

Hmmm. I wonder if they'll offer a discount for bulk? My Uncle Gerald's really not very well at the moment, and he's an enormous fat bastard. He should help keep the heating on for at least a couple of days. And luckily the refit includes 'the ability to cremate larger bariatric coffins'!

In Crematoriam

In Memoriam
Jimmy Godden
Funpark operator and, er, pyrotechnician

So, farewell
Then Jimmy Godden.

'Strike a light!'
That was
Your catchphrase.
And 'Stop arson about!'

Now an act
Of Godden
Has taken you
To that great
Funpark in the sky.

Or that other
One, down below.

Either way,
You were probably
Insured.

E. C. Richard (29)

Thousands Watch Boat Burn In Broadstairs

Ha ha! No, not another of those 'earner burners' that are our speciality here in the tip of Kent. No, reader Colin writes:

Hi Ricky! As if to prove the old dictum that they'd flock to the opening of an envelope in Boredstares, there must have been thousands lining the cliff tops last night to watch a very small Viking boat being set on fire on the beach in Viking Bay.

Apparently it was all in aid of the 100th anniversary of Bradstow School and supported by Wandsworth Council and those Mears people who do public sector building maintenance, who had even brought a film crew all the way from Manchester to capture the momentous event. I suspect they won't be doing that in future, once Eric Pickles has got hold of them.

The cops were out in force, bumping up their overtime and pensions by ensuring the serried ranks of octogenarians didn't start a riot, but they were almost outnumbered by the health and safety police who had everything cordoned off. The fire brigade were also there just to make sure the boat didn't set fire to the sand or the sea. The do-gooders also apparently insisted the fireworks went off at 9:15, in broad daylight, which rather spoilt the effect if you ask me.

It struck me, seeing the Viking Warlord's body being placed on the boat and then set fire to, that this would be an appropriate send-off for a local amusement park magnate who seems to have a lot of bad luck with insured property being burnt down, as and when his time comes!

All the best, Colin

Well Colin, I take your point about Eric Pickles. With 25% to slash off local government budgets it would seem obvious that the axe should fall on events first. They aren't really an 'essential service', are they? Besides, with all the talented, professional people (moi) round here who are prepared to organise better things at no cost to the taxpayer, surely the private sector should be getting first dibs!

Confibula Comeodi

Or 'Clamp Comedians', as we say in the Queen's English. I see intrepid yourfannitinnit newshound Tom Betts has followed up his video of Dreamland's queer clampers with an exclusive front page splash today!

According to the paper at least one of the CSS Parking Solutions operatives who've been clamping little old ladies and demanding £120 for the release of their vehicles has not been properly licensed by the Security Industry Authority. It could mean that the poor, disabled 80 year olds with terminal illnesses that these people have been preying on at Dreamland, the Lido and other north island beauty spots may be able to reclaim their folding. Hurrah!

But that's not the end of Tom's revelations! The kitten-loving former Tory Mayor of Margate Ted Watt-Ruffell, who used to be Chief Clamper at Dreamland, reveals in the story that absentee former Tory councillor Panama Steve Broadhurst's company Probe no longer has the Dreamland security contract from our Jimmy's Margate Town Centre Regeneration Company. So who's keeping an eye on the place now? A carelessly discarded cigarette end, a clumsily knocked over can of unleaded, and it could be 7/4/08 all over again!

Click here to read full story in yourfannitinnit

Update: Knickers! Thanks to all who pointed out my link to yourfannitinit was bogus. It's fixed now. That's what you get for having to drink half a bottle of Buckfast just to take the edge off in the mornings.

Blazing Margate

Nope, nothing to do with the weekend weather. While I've been off cavorting with my new druid chums, it appears half of Cliftonville has gone up in smoke. For those of you who are still unaware of the major fire in Northdown Road, you can catch up here, here, here, here, and here.

Inspector Knacker is said to be investigating. Not for nothing is it called the Arsonists' Playground!

Updates here and here. Anyone with any information should contact Margate police station on 01843 231055 or talk to one of the Cliftonville plastic bobbies as soon as possible.

Another Burn-Up In Margate

Given that the only things to have melted down in Margate over past year or so have been half a million quid's worth of fruit machines and the bolts on the listed Scenic Railway, it's good to see those hairy bikers at London's famous Ace Cafe putting their faith in a burn-up to the Arsonists' Playground this coming bank holiday Monday.

This'll be the second time they've made the run. Last year the Meltdown was a washout due to the traditional bank holiday blow, accompanied by horizontal rain, so let's hope Kaddy Tea-Pot and her cohorts can conjure up something a bit better this time.

The event was previewed in yesterday's Sadscene. Clearly the paper had its top motoring correspondent on the case, as we were treated to lines such as: 'Mark plans to ride a modern streetfighter-style Triumph Speed Triple with, unusually, three cylinders on the day.' Er, well, it's not that unusual for a triple to have three cylinders Eileen. The clue is in the word 'triple'. Unless Mark has converted it into a twin, but, very unusually, will be popping another pot on it for the day. Oh, and the photo, captioned: 'In 1964 bikers parked up in The Parade in Margate' features a Triumph Trident predominantly in the foreground. And as we all know, they didn't start making those until 1968.

Oh well, that's the motorcycle pedantry over with. I'll be there to welcome the visitors with a cheery smile and a can of chain lube. I'd advise our local biker-baiter blogger, Nervous of Margate, to make other arrangements for his bank holiday though. Perhaps a day out in Ramsgate would be the thing, eh Nervous?

Margate Meltdown on Ace Cafe website

Scenic For Sale - One Careful Owner

Smokin' rollercoasters! Here's something that should set the world of knackered old amusement parks alight, if you'll forgive the expression! According to the BBC News website, Blackpool Pleasure Beach is auctioning off its original, 1930s rollercoaster rolling stock.

Clearly them oop noorth have looked after their heritage rides (as we must now call them) a bit better than us darn sarf, as the above photo of Dreamland's listed Scenic Railway going up in smoke in the Arsonists' Playground last April amply demonstrates. Presumably Prince Jug-Ears will now be doing the honours and dipping into his wallaby skin wallet, given the recent news that he's backing the plan to build a 'heritage theme park' on the Dreamland site, and saving the carriages for the Thanetian nation.

Not that he'd have to dig very deep. After eight bids on eBay, they're currently going for the, er, princely sum of 23 quid.

Click here to read full story on BBC News website
Click here to go to the auction on eBay

Update: The auction's over now, the carriages went for 155 smackers. Just goes to show these 'heritage rides' are hardly worth their weight in gold!

Burning Issues

Unholy smoke! A brand new property development has gone to blazes in suspicious circumstances over on the charred north side of the island! The property has now partially collapsed and looks for all intents and purposes a gonner.

When word of the fire reached the old Eastcliff lugholes this morning, it had me wondering if it was the Endcliffe Hotel over in Cliftonville (it wasn't). If you recall, the Endcliffe also burnt down, but has since been rebuilt. But not in the way that was stipulated when planning permission was granted. Our beloved council now seems to be thinking about getting the developer to knock the whole thing down and start again. If you were faced with that, or a nice little earner-burner, which would you choose?

It's not the first time a development has been completed here on the Ile de Thanet, only for the planning department to realise it doesn't look anything like the drawings they were shown years earlier. The odd extra floor here, a few extra metres there. Kushti. Admittedly, there are nine serious bones of contention against the Endcliffe, and judging by the photo above it does look like the proverbial box of bollocks compared with what's left of the Edwardian hotel it stands next to. But why oh why can't the planners pop round every now and then to check on progress? That way they could nip these diabolical liberties in the bud. Before they have to be knocked or burnt down, leaving us with yet another decade-long eyesore to replace the decade-long eyesore we had before!

Click here for Margate fire story on Gazunder website
Click here for pictures and video of fire on Thanet Extra

Wood Chopper

Holy helicopters! I see my old chums at ITN have got their big, blue, throbbing chopper up to cover all the wood we've got down our front! Is there no limit to the innuendos that can be had from this story!

Wind Brings On Wood

As predicted on this blog on Monday, we now have wood. Tons and tons and tons of it! Right, I'm off down the front with the old chainsaw. At last, my tootsies will be warm again!

Click here for full story on Thanet Extra

Timber!

Timber galore!

Rotten spoilsports

Will You Get Wood In The Morning?

With 1500 tonnes of Swedish timber drifting up the Dover Strait, it's more than likely us Thanetians will indeed wake up with wood tomorrow morning - all over our lovely sandy beaches!

Fortunately our island's renowned resourcefulness when it comes to getting something for nothing will almost certainly ensure that it's gone by dinner time. Which is fortunate, as we wouldn't be able to rely on the duffers at our council to clear it much before Easter.

I myself will be down there, wielding my Stihl chainsaw, as one of the last things Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) did for me before running off with my lovely wife, Mrs Eastcliff (formerly Mrs Ceaucescu (no relation)) was install a wood burning stove here at the old cliff top mansion. Oh well, it's an ill wind!

Click here to read full story on BBC News website

Update: The Receiver of Wreck has said any wood washed up remains the property of the owner and must be reported. Yeah, right. Click here to read story on BBC News website.

When Will Margate Stop Burning?

My spies on the seedy north side of the island tell me that Margate has gone up in flames yet again. Firefighters were called to the Arcadian on Fart Hill to tackle a blaze this morning. Apparently their progress was impeded somewhat by the seemingly interminable roadworks along there as part of the crazy, pointless, multi-million pound de-dualling scheme.

The Arcadian looked to be in a sorry state anyway - just about ripe for an earner burner if you ask me. I'm told it was originally a photographer's studio in Victorian times. With the loss earlier this year of Ramsgate's Marina Restaurant, also a former Victorian photographic studio, the chances of cashing in on our marvellous, seaside heritage seem slimmer by the day.

Update: It now transpires this was a rubbish fire round the back of the building, so apologies for the, er, rubbish report. Click here to read full story in the Thanet Times.

Goddenzilla Versus Margate

Flaming rollercoasters! It's amazing what you can pick up in the bargain buckets of those seedy shops in Cliftonville. This trailer for a long-forgotten horror flick was on a compilation DVD called Nice Little Burners! Will the locals escape before everything is burnt to a crisp????

Meltdown A Washout?

What a shame for everyone concerned that we've been cursed with the traditional bank holiday blow, accompanied by horizontal rain, for today's first ever Ace Cafe Margate Meltdown bike run. Beach football, arm wrestling and dry cracker eating seem so much more fun in the sun, I always think.

Still, like yesterday, perhaps the weather will clear up and we'll be able to admire those magnificent men and their motorcycling machines after all. It's just the kind of event Margate needs to put it back on the map. Let's just hope the map hasn't turned into papier-mâché by the time they get here!

Click here for Margate Meltdown on Ace Cafe website

Going For A Burn-Up

Given that the only things to have melted down in Margate recently have been half a million quid's worth of fruit machines and the bolts on the listed Scenic Railway, it's good to see those hairy bikers at London's famous Ace Cafe putting their faith in a burn-up to the Arsonists' Playground this coming bank holiday Monday.

Let's hope the Rockers are given a, er, warmer welcome than the Mods last year. If you recall, the scooterists had their camp site relocated at the last minute to somewhere north of Great Yarmouth after Worried of Westgate developed a nervous twitch and febrile visions of running battles up and down the comatose streets of God's Waiting Room. In the end, far from resembling mad skinheads hellbent on trashing the joint, the 'Mods', most of whom were themselves in their granddad years, were happy to sit with a quiet pint and a plate of cockles. But all were agreed that the snotty attitude displayed by some Thanetians had put not a few mockers on the occasion.

As a Mod-turned-Rocker myself, I'll be there to welcome the visitors with a cheery smile and a can of chain lube. I'd advise our local biker-baiter blogger, Nervous of Margate, to make other arrangements for his bank holiday, though. Perhaps a day out in Ramsgate would be the thing, eh Nervous?

Click here for Margate Meltdown on Ace Cafe website

Burning De Margate (Another Time)

Investigators of the fire sifting through wreckage of a building listed in Kent to today discover early the cause of a severe flame. The property four-storey in one terrace Georgian in the street of Cecil, Margate, is a shield blackened and charred after the flame that engulfed soon after the midnight.

In the height of the drama, around 70 firefighters were in the scene. The fire became in the third and rooms wooden floors of the club previous conservative before spreading in the space of the roof and to an adjacent building. Eight peoples had been evacuated.

The local Iris Johnston of the said council member each effort must be made to restore 'old the building charming' previous its glory. The manager Andrew McPherson of the manager of the fire station of Margate, that was in the load of the operation firefighting, said that the building was good alight when the first group arrived. 'It was a difficult work because the roof had pulled down thus that he was not safe to fight of inside,' it said. 'The groups had made an excellent work to stop the propagation to an adjacent building and no-one was wounded happily.'

Mr. Eastcliff would put a funny commentary here but unhappyly my English not thus good.

Estale to read in line full history in Kent here

Dreamland Fire - Video Footage

Someone's already put footage of the Scenic collapsing on YouTube. By the way, that's not me giggling in the background. I feel more like crying.

Dreamland Fire - More Photos

Thanks to reader Terry who's just emailed these closer shots of the fire at Dreamland:

Dreamland Dreams Go Up In Smoke

Took these shots around 5.45pm from the top of Mill Lane car park looking west. The fire appears to have started around 5pm. Three snorkels on site, a large section of the track seems to have burnt and collapsed, but it also appeared to be on fire in two other places. The whole town smells like one of those wood-burning ovens you get in pizza restaurants. Looked to be pretty much under control when I left around 6pm, though.

So, that's the second major fire in Margate in little more than a week. It seems that whatever's not boarded up, the morons are determined to burn down. When will it all end?