Derek Hartorah's Spirit World Of Politics

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week Thanet's Labour leader Derek Hartorah sees what's coming in his crystal ball, politically speaking!

When our faithful poodle Alan passed over into the spirit world this week we were devastated. These wonderful creatures give so much comfort and love but are only with us here in the physical realm for a short time. Ten years seemed to go so quickly.

But I am here to assure you that, like us, they live on. Recently I felt Alan's presence during an art installation in Cliftonville. It seemed he was jealous of the Irish Wolfhound, Iris, that I acquired after he passed over. Iris is a very different kind of animal. She's more of an affectionate show-off than Alan and seems inclined to learn all manner of tricks. Her rather chirpy disposition has not endeared her to the other dogs in the area though, and only yesterday I had to chase away a stout little Jack Russell who seemed intent on shafting poor old Iris up the poo-chute.

Alan came to me again the other week, over lunch at the Greedy Cow, and informed me that, sadly, Iris would soon be joining him in the after life, and that my next dog would be a Pomeranian called David.

That's enough Derek Hartorah - Ed.

Spectacular End For Ostend Spirit

Holy shipwrecks! If you've ever wondered what it would be like to stand on a beach with a ruddy great cross channel ferry steaming towards you at full tilt, then this is the video for you!

The ferry in question is none other than our own Ostend Spirit, which, after we forked out £700,000 in 2010 to dredge the Port of Ramsgate to accommodate it, spent a grand total of, er, not very long operating on behalf of the now defunct TransEuropa Ferries between here and Oostende. The very same Ostend Spirit, in fact, that was occupied by its Slovenian crew in Tilbury for weeks while they demanded unpaid wages after TransEuropa sank without trace, taking £3.4m of our council tax with it.

The very, very same Ostend Spirit that could have been seized in our port and sold to recoup some of our decimated dosh, had not Our Harvey been out to lunch when the harbour master rang to tell him it was about to set sail and request permission to nab it.

Well, it's junk now, having been sold to a breakers yard in Turkey for scrap, which is where the video comes from.

Meanwhile TDC's spin doctors have been rotating at 20,000rpm to bring you the news that Ramsgate has been granted £161K of eurofunding 'to build on the success of this increasingly busy port'. Well, that's what it says in the Maritime Journal, and who am I to disagree?!!

Deloitted To Meet You

So there you are, a dufferish district council that has attracted a fair amount of controversy over its asset disposal plans on a sea front in deepest, darkest Kent.

You're trying to reassign the leasehold to a listed building. The whole sorry saga has been mired in claims and counter-claims, to the point where you've even been accused of seriously misleading your electorate, the people who vote you in and pay your wages and expenses.

What you really want is a great, big pub company to take the whole thing off your hands. But now so many questions have been raised that you're going to have to at least pay lip service to public opinion and be seen to be doing the right thing.

Perhaps you need some independent advice to get yourself out of the mire? Call in some unbiased experts so that you could demonstrate there was no conflict of interest once the lease has been handed over to the pubco? Good thinking!

Now, who do you hire? Yes, that's right, the same people who do the accounts for the great, big pub company.

No, dear reader, I haven't made it up. You couldn't.

Update February 2014: Since this item was published, TDC have given Deloittes the boot. Another victory for me! Hurrah!

Ask Colonel Bufton

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week our Commander-in-Chief of all agony uncles, Colonel Bufton, tackles your personal problems!

Dear Colonel Bufton, I am a gay man living in a civil partnership. My partner and I are thinking of relocating to the Isle of Thanet, but we have heard that the area is a UKIP stronghold. Do you think we should reconsider? T.

Colonel Bufton writes: Oh do shut your bone box and give your bellows a rest, there's a good fellow. It's fart catchers like you who give the place a bad name, causing the Wantsum to fill up again an' all, what! Get a bit of dash-fire in your loins and find yourself a memsahib! What!

Dear Colonel Bufton, I am Bulgar woman please excuse bad English. I want field picking job in England and think to relocate with the Isle of Thanet. But I am hearing from friends that bad men who hate Europe come and spoil things with it. Do you think I reconsider? Ж.

Colonel Bufton writes: You are undoubtedly off your chump. We don't want sauceboxes like you here, what! Tell your chums in Bongo Bongo Land, or wherever it is you come from, that they are not welcome in Blighty! Now cut your stick, you snotter! What!

Dear Colonel Bufton, I am a thoroughly British gent who likes a pint and a ciggie. As the next step in my political career, I am thinking of relocating to the Isle of Thanet, but I have heard the area is a stronghold for the smelly socks brigade. Do you think I should reconsider? N.

Colonel Bufton writes: My dear chap, we would be absolutely delighted to see you here in Thanet, what! You sound like just the sort of decent cove we're looking for. I would be chuffed to buggery to welcome you into my home, as would Mrs Bufton, who has asked me to add that she would be privileged to let you take her up the smeller. Chin chin! What!

That's enough Colonel Bufton - Ed.

Kiss Me Margate?

Hmmm. I'm not quite sure what Topshop are suggesting here. Unless 'Margate' is vernacular for those parts that only the former Chief Exec of the Lib Dems can reach. Allegedly.

Oh well. One thing that will be kissing the clouds over Margate, and the rest of the island, should the air traffic control chaps at NATS get their way, is planes taking off from London City and Gatwick airports. The 'London Airspace Consultation' ends next Tuesday, so get your proverbials on if you want to have your say. Although anyone who can make sense of their Dad's Army style maps is a better man that I am, Gunga Din.

Whatever. If it means the grimy norf side of Fannit finally getting its fair share of aircraft noise, I'm all for it!

Right. I'm off down the Croisette here in the Millionaires' Playground for my traditional Friday night Krug and caviar! Toodle-pip!

Back To The Future?

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed a recent trend towards blasting on the past when it comes to the future of the Millionaires' Playground?

For example, the excellent Ramsgate Music Hall has recently opened. Its Victorian branding and moniker resonate more of unicycling Basset Hounds and plate spinning contortionists than the groovy sounds that are actually emanating from the place.

Then there's Albion House, rapidly being transformed into a boutique hotel which will very much draw from the heritage of the place. I hear rumour that there'll even be a King and Country Bar!

And now we have the imminent arrival of The Empire Room, a splendid looking restaurant addition to The Royal Harbour Hotel, over on the west side of town. Click on the pic above to visit their website.

I dunno. I guess with all the magnificent Victorian architecture around Ramsgate, and perhaps with a little sprinkling of the WW1 Centenary this year, nostalgia is rapidly getting back to what it used to be! Which is why, once the previous bodgers have been swept away from the Pleasurama Eyesore next month, I'll be putting in my bid to build a Barnum and Bailey style freak show on the site. After all, there's certainly no shortage of exhibits in these parts - bearded ladies, man-monkeys, cigar-smoking five year olds, skeleton women, elephant women, women who bang six inch nails into wood with their foreheads.... the possibilities are endless. Who knows, with my plan for a tattooed chav enclosure, I might even get public funding!

Frankincensed?

Probably a bit too late to catch the spirit of the festive season with that headline. But then I've only got a couple of NEETs on minimum wage subbing this rubbish, so beggars can't be choosers.

Moving on... With the official launch of yet another Thanet bar this coming weekend, and now tours of the island's burgeoning micro pub scene being offered by 'Galvers', whose well-thumbed flyer I found in a local hostelry, you do begin to wonder whether our local tavern tycoon is feeling the pinch. (Galvers, by the way, seems to have left off the excellent Lifeboat in Margate, and The Chapel in Broadstairs for some reason.)

With the rise and rise of the Planet Thanet Easter Beer Festival over the past decade, alongside a nationwide resurgence in real ale quaffing, it's no wonder DFLs and bright young locals are jumping on the beerwagon and opening up their own, intimate, boozy businesses to cash in.

Of course Mr T, one of Plane Jane's Picks of the Year in the Isle of Thanet Gazunder a couple of weeks ago, has moved with the times, and it's now possible to get a decent pint of e.g. Gadds' in at least some of his establishments. The khazis are usually spotless too. And the bar staff friendly and helpful. But my guess is he must be wondering whether his mid-market offering is in danger of being squeezed between the small, upmarket bars and the megaboozers run by ambitious national chains like Wetherspoons.

Anyhow, the latest addition to the scene is The Glass Jar on Margate's Marine Drive, run by none other than my old journalist chum, former yourfannitinnit hack Tom Betts. The official launch is this Saturday, with a late licence until 1am. Tom says: 'There will be a free glass of bubbly and the ever popular 'nibbles' laid on. Dress as smart as you can and bring your partner or a friend along (no morons though, yeah?)'.

Well, Tom's a very nice chap, and I wish him all the best with his venture.

And while I'm in a congratulatory mood, jolly well done to those Friends of Ramsgate Seafront types who spent the weekend tarting up the Royal Victoria Pavilion here in the Millionaires' Playground, along with volunteers from local schools, and some help from our teeny-tiny council.

It just shows what people power can do! Y'know, the more I think about it, the more I get the feeling that the bad old days (2007), when everything on our septic isle was carved up by an elite coterie of old-timer public and private individuals who effectively ran the island, dispensing brarn envelopes or 'advice' (usually delivered by a pair of sturdy, trench-coated individuals) at will, is rapidly coming to an end. Hurrah!

Manston Owner Denied Planning Permission

Cripes! RAF Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Chas 'n' Dave Maggie Thatcher Schipol Skyport Poundland International Airport's new owner Ann Gloag has lost a planning battle to build a row of new homes!

Hmmm. Well. It's a bit of a slow news week. So the story, which I spotted in The Scotsman, relates to a patch quite a few miles north of our septic isle. Somewhere called Kinfauns, in fact.

According to the paper, the 71 year old former nurse, one of Scotland's wealthiest women, wanted to build a row of three bedroomed houses on a green belt site which objectors said breached 'just about every planning policy for the location'.

Stagecoach tycoon Ann, who shares in an estimated £650m fortune with her brother Sir Brian Souter, bought RAFMMTECNDMTSSPI Airport in November for £1. It's not the first time she's been criticised for blight planning. In 2012 she obtained planning permission for another development which Forestry Commission Scotland warned would ruin an area of ancient woodland, and which locals said would cause property prices to plummet.

Talking of blights, what on earth, or, indeed, in air, was that unmarked plane doing the rounds over Ramsgate this morning? My Plane Finder app had it down as HFI 651K, but unusually, when I popped that into Google, instead of the usual slew of anorak data, all I got was the one hit - for a number plate vendor.

It's ironic, as Annie G won a landmark case in Scotland in 2007 to keep ramblers out of the ten acres of grounds surrounding her castle. She seems to have no problem sending planes over my cliff top mansion, though!

Ah, but maybe, as one of my Twatter followers suggested, it's covert practice for a bombing run over the Pleasurama Eyesore at the end of next month!

Update: Yikes! The day after I wrote this, Ann Gloag cancelled this year's Manston Air Show!

Weather News

Whilst us Thanetians haven't yet been affected by the polar vortex that's clagged up most of North America, I'm not taking any chances, and have kitted out the old jalopy accordingly. Boris the Bulgarian, round at that corner garage, did a very nice job - at a very nice price!

We have, nonetheless, been experiencing the odd blow down here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula. According to the excellent FixMyStreet website (from which I have purloined the photo below) the hoarding around the Granville Eyesore here on the trendy East Cliff has succumbed, and is partially blocking a road...

I guess the owner, a Mr Jason Hough who lives in Surrey and bought the site for a paltry £165K, couldn't really be expected to give much of the proverbial tinker's, especially given that his recent planning application to build 1,235,987 flats there was rejected. I must say, though, that with last year's tragedy over at the Ramsgate flour mill still fresh in people's minds, and with the parlous state of the deep earthworks on the site, he's taking a bit of a gamble leaving it exposed like that.

Meanwhile I see the Ramsgate Society is offering a £100 reward for information leading to the conviction the knuckle-dragging vandals who desecrated the restored shelters on the front. Good luck with that!

And the Krug is on ice for the end of next month, when the deadline for those other knuckle-dragging vandals, SFP Ventures, to get on with their non-development at the Pleasurama Eyesore runs out. Our beloved council appears to have grown a full set of cajones this time, the indications being they will tell SFP to shove it where the sun doesn't shine (Margate? - Ed.). About time too.

My chum Councillor Motormouth has already congratulated the 1000+ Friends of Ramsgate Seafront group, which has, er, 1000-handedly carried out a high profile Facebook campaign to rid the town of this more-than-decade-long blot on our seascape. That seems a trifle premature, but what the heck! Well done chaps!

Now, what are we going to put in its place? Heritage theme park? Van Gogh Museum? Ginormagantuan Wetherspoons? Site-specific barker's nest installation? Answers below please.

Pip pip!

Update Jan 2014: The hoarding has now been repaired - hurrah!
Update Feb 2014: But now the rest of it has blown down - boo!

Crappy New Year!

Hello ECR fans! In fact, hello generally!

As you can see from the press release below, I've wrested control of the old blog back from those chaps at Angloway Media - hurrah! It was a tough fight, but once I offered the princely sum of one whole British sov, they caved in. So it's out with the old and in with, er, the old again.

What, I hear you ask, is new for 2014 then? Well, not a lot really. Our beloved council is still struggling to clean up after the festivities, and has had to apologise for getting it sooooo wrong with the new recycling system. Same old, same old.

Along the trendy East Cliff here in the Millionaires' Playground, the shelters have been vandalised once more. My contact in the trench coat and trilby writes: 'The shelter nearest the kiosk on Victoria Parade was wrecked last night. Five windows smashed....'

The same East Cliff spy also clocked another of these recently renovated shelters, the one closest to the park, smashed on New Year's Day, adding: 'It also reeks of human poo.' Eurgh!

It's not the first time these shelters have been vandalised, and you have to wonder what kind of nitwit knuckle-draggers are perpetrating these acts of wilful incivility. As you know, I'm not the hang 'em and flog 'em type, but I have to say I'd be the first in line to pop along and blow raspberries if the woefully short arm of the law were ever to catch up with them and they were made to do community service!

Better news, however, on the beer front. I was invited along to the launch of Gadds' Uberhop last night at the excellent Ramsgate Music Hall. This splendid, lagerised (technical term) beer was first brewed for the Planet Thanet Beer Festival in 2010, and has been revived due to popular demand. I must say, I don't remember much about the 2010 Beer Festival, thanks mostly to the Uberhop. Similarly, I don't recall all that much about last night! Happy days!

Press Release From Richard Eastcliff Holdings (Virgin Islands) (2014) Ltd

The directors of Richard Eastcliff Holdings (Virgin Islands) (2014) Ltd are pleased to announce the purchase of the weblog currently known as 'The Daily Thanet', along with all associated assets, for £1.

Commenting on the purchase, Richard Eastcliff Holdings (Virgin Islands) (2014) Ltd Managing Director Richard Easctliff said: "With a readership in the tens of thousands per month, we see great potential for this site, which fits our strategy of acquiring hyper-local media assets."

The site's former editor has been retained on a six month consultancy basis to oversee the smooth transition of the business to the new owners.

Further announcements regarding the future of the site are expected shortly.

See The New Year In With A Bang!

I dunno. I seem to be the only person still functioning after the Daily Thanet office party the other night. Quite why we had to top a case of Krug off with Espresso Martinis, lord knows.

Any-old-hoo, I trust all is well with you, dear reader, and that Santa emptied his sack in your chimney with the desired results.

TBH, there's not much news around to talk about. I see that Scobie The Younger has been arguing against spending dosh on the refurb of Ramsgate Station on the grounds that it'll soon be made obsolete by the ridiculous new Thanet Parkway. Quite why someone who wants to be the next MP for South Thanet would undermine the main railway station in the chief town in his potential constituency is a bit of a poser.

Ah, but then our foetal Labour candidate lives in Cliftonville, doesn't he? So I suspect he's more aligned with the Margate Mafia than us minted Ramsgate DFLs who want to walk to a station where we can be whisked to God's Own North London in just over an hour!

Speaking of Margate, this year the town will be putting on a New Year's fireworks display. It's the first time for ages, and it's been instigated by those nice hedge fund people who run the Sands Hotel. Of course, in past years Margatonians have just had to make do with watching another amusement arcade burn down. Oh how times have changed over on the North Side!

Meanwhile Ramsgate will be continuing its long tradition of seeing the New Year in with a bang, so do pop over and say hello!

Oh yes, and to show that I don't just make this bilge up, I heard a rumour the other day that those pyrotechnics people out at Manston might be pulling the plug, due to their lives being made a misery by the elf 'n' safety types. It comes to something, doesn't it, when the council can't be arsed to inspect restaurants, but can make life hell if you're just cooking up a few bangers!

The Daily Thanet Christmas Quiz

Yes, it's that time of year again! When Thanetians settle down after stuffing a bird, skin up a Camberwell carrot and roast their Superdrys in front of a blazing amusement arcade with a huge helping of Daily Thanet Christmas quizzing, a tradition which has spread joy around the island ever since 2013.

We've based our questions on the events and people that have shaped Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula during the past year. So throw another Grade II listed building on the yuletide blaze, grab yourself a plentiful portion of Heston's hand-pounded spatchcock, and settle down to test your noddle with our Thanet brainteasers!

January

Which world-acclaimed Thanet blog was NOT published in January (or the previous two years, for that matter)?

A: Peter's Pantsless Porkers
B: Thanet Wives
C: Eastcliff Richard (now The Daily Thanet)

Answer: C - But it returned in February, thus bringing much-needed cheer and laughter back to the isle.

February

The Great Wall of Ramsgate was whitewashed by some numpty with a roller and a pot of Wilko's finest, ruining priceless works of art in less time than it takes to jackhammer a Banksy off the side of Poundland. But who was eventually fingered for the crime?

A: A professional Painter
B: A flappy-mouthed, castanet-lipped local councillor
C: Nobody

Answer: C - Apparently the woodentops failed to decipher the writing on the wall.

March

Former Thanet Council leader and Tory stalwart Sandy Ezekiel was banged up for 18 months at Maidstone Crown Court. What was he found guilty of?

A: Misconduct in a public office
B: Misconduct in a public lavatory
C: Misconduct in a public library

Answer: A - Three guilty pleas of calling public officials 'f*cking t*ssers' were also taken into account during sentencing.

April

A famous politician, beloved of the island's Blue Rinsers, died this month. Who?

A: Maggie Thatcher
B: Thatcher, Thatcher The Baby Milk Snatcher
C: The Right Honourable Baroness Voldemort of Kesteven

Answer: All three, depending on your political viewpoint.

May

UKIP trounced the Tories in the Kent County Council elections, but what nationality were the bricklayers who paved Kent UKIP leader Roger Latchford's new driveway?

A: Bulgarian
B: Irish
C: Kentish through and through

Answer: B - despite quotes from local firms, Rodge fell for the blarney.

June

The Ferrygate scandal was in full swing after it was revealed that Thanet Council had secretly subsidised failing ferry firm TransEuropa, without so much as a 'by your leave' from the taxpayers. How much of our dosh did Bayford, Hart, McGonigal et al pour down the gurgler?

A: £3.4m
B: £26 for every man, woman and child on the island
C: £340,000 for every job 'saved' at the port of Ramsgate.

Answer: All three - or to put it another way, only 28 times Thanet Council Chief Executive Sue McGonigal's annual salary.

July

The original plans emerged from more than a decade ago for the Royal Sands aka Pleasurama eyesore development on Ramsgate front. The drawings sported a Whitbread logo, but what did Whitbread say when they were asked what their involvement would be?

A: Nothing to do with us, guv.
B: We're only here for the beer.
C: It'll Costa lotta money! (Geddit!!!???!!!??!)

Answer: A - Whitbread's Acquisitions Manager, when told about the plans, said he had not seen them, and that the company was 'in no negotiations with any party in respect of any development in Ramsgate'.

August

Margate has traditionally always taken first prize for being the biggest shithole on the island. But this month a report found that one of Thanet's other towns was even crappier. Which?

A: Broadstairs
B: Ramsgate
C: Birchington

Answer: B - the report's authors had clearly overlooked the fact that the local pronunciation of Acol is 'Aaah-soul'.

September

New figures revealed the number of fines Thanet Council had dished out in the previous year to dog owners who had not cleared up after their pooches had pooed on the pavement. How many?

A: Four
B: Four million
C: Four billion

Answer: A - the figures also revealed that enough barkers' nests are deposited on Thanet's pavements each year to build four Boris Islands - with sufficient left over for half an Isle of Wight.

October

Kiwi owners Infratil offloaded loss-making Manston Airport to Scottish millionairess Ann Gloag for the princely sum of one entire British pound. What new name did she give it?

A: Manston Poundland Airport

B: Manston Skyport Airport

C: Manston Pickle Airport

Answer: B - whilst also managing to keep quiet the fact that 'Ann Gloag' is an anagram of 'Anal Gong'.

November

South Thanet's Tory MP Laura Sandys announced on her Facebook page that she would not be standing at the next general election. What reason did she give?

A: She wants to spend more time with her family, including husband Randy Sandys

B: She's bored with cleaning up the streets of Thanet single-handedly

C: Roger Gale is having her baby

Answer: A - apparently Randy is living up to his name and has asked for more early day motions.

December

Oscar winning actor Tom Hanks starred in the latest Disney blockbuster Saving Mr Banks. Where was he born?

A: Concord, California

B: Calgary, Canada

C: Cliftonville, Kent

Answer: C - he was born in Thanet while his father was serving with the USAF at Manston, and spent his early months in a flat in Northdown Road.

So how did you do?

0 - 4 correct answers - Thanet Council is your mum
5 - 8 correct answers - Your airport has doubled in value to £2
9 - 12 correct answers - Aldi Shampagne all the way!

May we also take this opportunity to wish all our readers a very merry Christmas and the best of British for 2014 (you'll need it). And to those who have been offended by this blog during the course of 2013, a very heartfelt and sincere 'tough titty'.

New Ferry Firm 'All Piss And Wind'

Reports that a new ferry service between Ramsgate and Ostend will begin in the New Year have been described as 'all piss and wind' by the highly respected Army Rumour Service (ARRSE).

According to a post on the ARRSE website, several firms have been set up with a view to restarting the link to Belgium, including Yasmin Ferries, Regina Line and Sun Link. All the firms have been backed by an individual that ARRSE names as Ernst Munk, who boasted on his Facebook page as recently as 19 December that he would be starting a Ramsgate-Ostend service soon.

ARRSE concludes: 'If any of you are sent anything by a company called Yasmin Ferries at an address in Lydney, Gloucestershire, or someone calling himself Ernst Munk, burn it before it burns you.'

Rumours of a new service have also been circulating in Belgium. One ferry spotter in Ostend told The Daily Thanet over the weekend: 'The Larkspur ferry was sold again yesterday for €870,000, buyer unknown. The other laid-up ferry was sold for €750,000 to Oilchart, which has now chartered her for a new Ostend-Ramsgate line. Sunlink Ferries intend to start on 1 January 2014 with the Ardenia (ex TEF's Gardenia) and intends to put a second ferry on the line (a pure roro ferry). The third ferry would be a mixed passenger ferry and they intend to carry foot passengers.'

However, the Belgian source concludes: 'The strange thing is that neither (the port of) Ramsgate nor Ostend know anything about it.

The news comes in the week that Thanet Council argued it had been right to squander £3.4m of taxpayers' money in the now infamous Ferrygate deal, which saw the council secretly subsidising the route's former operators TransEuropa Ferries, who went bankrupt in April.

Meanwhile the Met Office has warned the south coast to expect substantial amounts of piss and wind over the next 24 hours, with 80mph gussets expected in the English Channel.

Property News

Thinking of selling up and leaving this dump? Then who better to consult than Thanet's leading estate agents, Lovetts?!

And at the moment they're running a special promotion - they'll sell your cliff top mansion for only 1% commission (+ VAT)!

Why not tool along to their website? Or give them a call on 01843 570305. But don't forget to tell them The Daily Thanet sent you!

NB: The fact that Lovetts are now co-sponsoring this blog, having left a substantial sum in a manilla envelope under a lobster pot in the inner harbour, has had no influence on the content of this post.

The Smell Of Margate

In Memoriam
Ronnie Biggs
Former Great Train Robber and Small Time Crook

So, farewell
Then Ronnie Biggs.

'I do not intend
To return to England.'
That was
Your catchphrase.
And 'I miss the smell of Margate.'

Keith's Dad says he had dinner
With you in Rio once.

And that you were
Let out of Belmarsh
Five years ago
Because you were
At death's door.

Sad to say
The Grim Reaper
Has finally nabbed you.
And Margate
Doesn't quite smell
The same either.

E. C. Richard (29)

Panic As Old Town Runs Out Of Cupcakes

Several shoppers were jostled in Margate Old Town today following news that the last cupcake before Christmas had been sold.

Police described the scene as 'mayhem', with one shopper taken to the QEQM suffering from a sprained ankle.

Caroline Gisby, who owns Cake Expectations in Margate Old Town, said: 'We put a sign in the window saying that there would be no more cupcakes until the New Year, and the place just erupted. I've never seen anything like it.'

Despite being offered more seasonal alternatives such as mince pies and Christmas cake, annoyed shoppers went on the rampage, with some even descending on Morrisons when a rumour spread that there were still cupcakes available in the store.

Shopper Josh, who recently moved to Margate from Hoxton in London, said: 'It was a bloody disgrace. I've never known there to be a shortage of cupcakes in Hoxton. Margate is in danger of being labelled a tinpot town if it can't get its act together.'

However, the ugly mood dissipated later in the morning after police with loud hailers announced that an emergency shipment of cupcakes was on its way from Bluewater.

Broadstairs Woman Finds Whelk

A Broadstairs woman has spoken of her shock and surprise at finding a whelk.

Builder's wife Jody Dobson, 29, described the moment she was walking along the beach at Dumpton Gap and discovered what she thought was a Belgian chocolate. 'My mum buys me these Belgian chocolates for Christmas and I just thought it was one of them. But when I picked it up it was all hard like, and seemed more like a snail.'

Jody took the whelk home to show to her children - Chantelle, 5, and Reece, 7. She added: 'I never knew there was a beach at Dumpton Gap before, let alone these things on it. When my husband Craig came home he told me it was a whelk and not to be so daft. I felt like a right moron!'

Whelks are common along the Thanet coast, according to marine biologist Professor Paul Murray. 'They are distantly related to snails but actually belong to the Buccinidae family,' said Prof Murray. 'Whilst many are edible, they certainly do not taste like chocolate.'

Sadly the story has an unhappy ending, as Jody explains: 'Once I knew what it was, I kept it in a bucket of tap water, but it went all still and died not long after.'

Manhood Museum To Open In Margate

Thanet Council have approved plans for a new museum and gallery in Margate Old Town - only this time it will be strictly 'members only'.

The Margate Manhood Museum (3M) will be modelled on Iceland's Phallological Museum, which boasts a collection of more than 200 penises and penile parts, including one from a polar bear and four human specimens.

The move follows the successful revitalisation of Margate through the world renowned Turner Contemporary, which has single handedly transformed the town from a shambling shit heap to the darling of media luvvies and cloth-capped hipsters, virtually overnight.

A spokeswoman for Thanet Council said: 'We hope this new addition to Margate's creative offering will help the town stand out amongst the increasingly crowded south coast arts scene. We've had to beat off stiff competition from places like Hastings and Herne Bay, but in the end 3M decided that Margate offered the best overall package.'

3M Director Peter Johnson added: 'We are proud to be sticking up for Margate, and fully expect 3M to become embedded in the core of the town. Turner Contemporary, Old Town and the promising addition of the new Dreamland theme park in 2015 definitely mean Margate is becoming a hot spot for discerning visitors from all over the south east. They are no longer willing to be palmed off by a load of old bollocks - we aim to provide them with something they could give a toss about.'

The gallery is expected to open next Easter.

Press Release From Angloway Media Ltd

The directors of Angloway Media (2013) Ltd are pleased to announce the purchase of the weblog currently known as 'Eastcliff Richard', along with all associated assets, for an undisclosed sum.

Commenting on the purchase Angloway Managing Director John Roberts said: "With a readership in the tens of thousands per month, we see great potential for this site, which fits our strategy of acquiring hyper-local media assets."

The site's former editor has been retained on a six month consultancy basis to oversee the smooth transition of the business to the new owners.

Further announcements regarding the future of the site are expected shortly.