Friday, January 31, 2014

Derek Hartorah's Spirit World Of Politics

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week Thanet's Labour leader Derek Hartorah sees what's coming in his crystal ball, politically speaking!

When our faithful poodle Alan passed over into the spirit world this week we were devastated. These wonderful creatures give so much comfort and love but are only with us here in the physical realm for a short time. Ten years seemed to go so quickly.

But I am here to assure you that, like us, they live on. Recently I felt Alan's presence during an art installation in Cliftonville. It seemed he was jealous of the Irish Wolfhound, Iris, that I acquired after he passed over. Iris is a very different kind of animal. She's more of an affectionate show-off than Alan and seems inclined to learn all manner of tricks. Her rather chirpy disposition has not endeared her to the other dogs in the area though, and only yesterday I had to chase away a stout little Jack Russell who seemed intent on shafting poor old Iris up the poo-chute.

Alan came to me again the other week, over lunch at the Greedy Cow, and informed me that, sadly, Iris would soon be joining him in the after life, and that my next dog would be a Pomeranian called David.

That's enough Derek Hartorah - Ed.


Anonymous said...

naughty, naughty. very naughty.....

however, from what I heard, the poodle had a good innings, getting in lots of photos and his lipstick became more active in the later years. He had a fondness French poodles.

Wolfhounds are an interesting breed. A loud presence and louder bark - I have heard of some terrible atrocities they have been responsible for - but essentially they are useless creatures that rely on the past.

Lets hope the new dogs can turn things around, eh? Toodles

Anonymous said...

Hartorah's affection for dogs is amazing given his history. Back in the sprightly days, out spreading the joyful evangelist message of trades unionism, he encountered fierce Slugger the Schnauzer (who only understood commands in German). Slugger chased poor Hartorah away.

The spirit of Slugger is definitely one he tries not to summon up. The sort of spirit entity that may still bite him on the nether haunch.

Anonymous said...

Seems like Dr Moores' mystery big announcement has something to do with the police. Maybe Derek Hartorah can tell us what it is?

Anonymous said...

Surely not the art-loving Pomeranian formerly known as Victoria?

Anonymous said...

The Water Spaniel is an admirable dog. He quietly paddles away down the beach sniffing out artefacts and he guards museums.

He is a very brave little water spaniel as he refused to be afraid of Slugger the Schnauzer.

Well done the water spaniel

Anonymous said...

There was old Sasquat the Scottish Deerhound owned by Cyril. Didn't look like a deerhound but Cyril had a printed pedigree.

Anonymous said...

Johnny H here

designer dogs. labrador cross poodle makes labradoodle.

Jimmy Godden had a Bernese cross St Bernard a BernBern

Anonymous said...

What ever happened to the Tosa Ken often seen around Margate? And wasn't the ex leader of the council a Boxer?

Anonymous said...

The ex leader was a cross boxer.

There is Simon the Bull terrier cross shihtzu ...........

And Harvey is not the result of crossing a staffie with a basset. he is definitely not a staffasset/

Tosa Ken ? We are still laughing.

Anonymous said...

Bill the Bloodhound cross Cavalier King Charles. The bloodalier

That's enough

Anonymous said...

ECR. Have you read Smudger's story. Harvey, as you were told, is soon definitely not a staffasset then ?

You read it here first folks.

Ian Driver said...

What a Pointer? It can indicate where the bodies are buried

Anonymous said...

Most dog owners will have suffered the embarrassment of an over-excited pooch rubbing itself against a human leg, a chair eg, or something similar to the point of ecstasy.

That seems to be happening with a certain cross-breed over in Westgate at this very moment. Clad in his leather harness - ready for walkies - he is desperate to get going and yap to all his doggy friends about a local scandal that is apparently about to be revealed.

Drooling and breathless with expectation, he's also doing what, again, many owners will have seen their dogs do - dragging their rear end across the floor. This sort of smearing is unfortunately a common occurrence for our little local cross-breed.

Bring out the wetwipes.

Anonymous said...

Ian there is to be a new communications dog at TDC

A mala mute

He don't say a lot.

The replacement for Harvey is a legal beagle.

His monitoring assistant will be a standard poodle

A spokesdog for the Pleasurama Developers will be a terrier cross pointer bit obvious but a TerriPointer of course

That's enough for now except to mention the speculation on who is in the selection sights as new South Thanet PPC dog. One who tows the party line in the house a Whip-pet. One whose very appearance sends the tory message. A Kerry Blue. A sheepdog with computer virus skills. Ecollie.

It's your fault for reading this.

Anonymous said...

What sort of dog did the sums ?

Lay off ten senior dogs who are paid £70,000 each to achieve a prokected saving of £150,000

Answer A Dullmation.

That's enough

Anonymous said...

The Westgate cross breed has PTSD

The traumatic event that damaged him was at the BBC as a matter of fact.

He was there to press the old button on the lottery draw. Well he kicked off on his suspense addiction and yapped to the audience. "I know what happens next but the BBC have got it embargoed"

An unhelpful otterhound in the audience heckled "Could it possibly be that a lottery is going to be drawn ?"

But what happened, to the traumatising surprise of the Westgate cross breed, was the curtains drew back.

And there was another guest dog looking a bit embarrassed at being vigourously mounted by the compere.

An unfortunate misunderstanding of stage directions

"Time to get on the airedale Winton"

So shocked and dismayed the Westgate cross breed yelped on his mobile to his handler Harvey. Out loud he cries "Harvey When do I get to press Dale's button ?"

"Sorry Harvey isn't here" replied a disinterested secretary.

"He must have buzzed off till a ferry sails" thought the Westgate dog.

"Look" he said "I will explain to you what is happening tell Harvey as soon as he re-appears. I need advice. The compere is rattling an airedale. I am being mocked by an otterhound. I don't know when I should push Dale's button. And everyone has already guessed what my big surprise was"

"First off", said Harvey's secretary "I want to know if you are live on air"

"Why" asked the Westgate dog

"Switching me office telly on innit" she said

"Why" asked the Westgate dog

"Cos I wanna watch you live when you follow my advice innit. Oh got you on the screen now. Right stick your paw up your arse and lurch to the right. Good. Now ake your paw out of your arse and stick it in yer gob and wink at the otterhound."

At this point following the directions the Westgate dog says "You don't sound like Harvey's secretary ?"

"That's cos I'm Iris"

The ghostly voice of Harvey instructs "Call in Standards Committee"

"Why" yapped the Westgate dog

"Dale needs a cover up" Harvey explained.

Richard Eastcliff said...

Sorry everyone. I have no idea what any of this means.

Anonymous said...

It is just an inane ramble.

Anonymous said...

It means dear ECR I just lost a bet my money was on you wouldn't publish.

Anonymous said...

So anyway Mary Portas. "What we need in Margate", she said, "Is a piano, an inland pier experience and good old knees up sing song"

So she does no more than turns up wiv a London entertaining. He is an ole cocker.

Anyways up the ole cocker hits the ivories and soon launches into a good ole East End dog number

"lurcher !"

Anonymous said...

Hmmm these comments are all crap and simply shows that there are very many stupid people in Thanet, and not just in the council.

Maybe the councillors are not so thick but the brightest ones of a useless bunch?

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your input. I assume you are not entirely familiar with the concept of Occams Razor and the basis of the IQ system ?

In case you require explanation.

Your proposition is based on a number of assumptions including

(1) Thanet does not follow the universal pattern for the distribution of intelligence levsls. In which most people have average IQs if you forgive the tautology

(2) That very many Thanet people contribute to this blog when, self evidently, on a 23 comment thread your research catchment would at most be 23 people.

(3) That you can ignore the strange fact that when two persons are separated by more than twenty IQ points, the one with the lower IQ perceives the higher IQ person as "Stupid"

(4) That blog contributors are all from Thanet (They can be from as far away as Arizona)

I am disappointed that you made no doggie reference in your comment at all.

You could have said something like "Sorry to cock my leg on your post (A "Geddit" always goes down well on ECR) but I think you are all barking."


Anonymous said...


I just been talking with my five year old grandson.

"WTF Gramps" he said "It's a metaphor. Lottery is a metaphor. Representing the council process in which a publicity seeking tosser of a councillor in reality has no influence over the outcome. Hence lottery ?"

"Gramps are there any details in the tale that occur without explanation ?"


"Wiki Airedale Gramps. By the way do you still think Little Jack Horner is a rhyme about a naughty boy and a plum pie ?"

Anonymous said...

2:33, you evidently haven't heard yet but, according to that sage of wisdom, Barry James, the Arizona blogger got his collar felt by Barnaby, on a jolly to the US, and has not been heard of since November.