The Daily Thanet Christmas Quiz

Yes, it's that time of year again! When Thanetians settle down after stuffing a bird, skin up a Camberwell carrot and roast their Superdrys in front of a blazing amusement arcade with a huge helping of Daily Thanet Christmas quizzing, a tradition which has spread joy around the island ever since 2013.

We've based our questions on the events and people that have shaped Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula during the past year. So throw another Grade II listed building on the yuletide blaze, grab yourself a plentiful portion of Heston's hand-pounded spatchcock, and settle down to test your noddle with our Thanet brainteasers!

January

Which world-acclaimed Thanet blog was NOT published in January (or the previous two years, for that matter)?

A: Peter's Pantsless Porkers
B: Thanet Wives
C: Eastcliff Richard (now The Daily Thanet)

Answer: C - But it returned in February, thus bringing much-needed cheer and laughter back to the isle.

February

The Great Wall of Ramsgate was whitewashed by some numpty with a roller and a pot of Wilko's finest, ruining priceless works of art in less time than it takes to jackhammer a Banksy off the side of Poundland. But who was eventually fingered for the crime?

A: A professional Painter
B: A flappy-mouthed, castanet-lipped local councillor
C: Nobody

Answer: C - Apparently the woodentops failed to decipher the writing on the wall.

March

Former Thanet Council leader and Tory stalwart Sandy Ezekiel was banged up for 18 months at Maidstone Crown Court. What was he found guilty of?

A: Misconduct in a public office
B: Misconduct in a public lavatory
C: Misconduct in a public library

Answer: A - Three guilty pleas of calling public officials 'f*cking t*ssers' were also taken into account during sentencing.

April

A famous politician, beloved of the island's Blue Rinsers, died this month. Who?

A: Maggie Thatcher
B: Thatcher, Thatcher The Baby Milk Snatcher
C: The Right Honourable Baroness Voldemort of Kesteven

Answer: All three, depending on your political viewpoint.

May

UKIP trounced the Tories in the Kent County Council elections, but what nationality were the bricklayers who paved Kent UKIP leader Roger Latchford's new driveway?

A: Bulgarian
B: Irish
C: Kentish through and through

Answer: B - despite quotes from local firms, Rodge fell for the blarney.

June

The Ferrygate scandal was in full swing after it was revealed that Thanet Council had secretly subsidised failing ferry firm TransEuropa, without so much as a 'by your leave' from the taxpayers. How much of our dosh did Bayford, Hart, McGonigal et al pour down the gurgler?

A: £3.4m
B: £26 for every man, woman and child on the island
C: £340,000 for every job 'saved' at the port of Ramsgate.

Answer: All three - or to put it another way, only 28 times Thanet Council Chief Executive Sue McGonigal's annual salary.

July

The original plans emerged from more than a decade ago for the Royal Sands aka Pleasurama eyesore development on Ramsgate front. The drawings sported a Whitbread logo, but what did Whitbread say when they were asked what their involvement would be?

A: Nothing to do with us, guv.
B: We're only here for the beer.
C: It'll Costa lotta money! (Geddit!!!???!!!??!)

Answer: A - Whitbread's Acquisitions Manager, when told about the plans, said he had not seen them, and that the company was 'in no negotiations with any party in respect of any development in Ramsgate'.

August

Margate has traditionally always taken first prize for being the biggest shithole on the island. But this month a report found that one of Thanet's other towns was even crappier. Which?

A: Broadstairs
B: Ramsgate
C: Birchington

Answer: B - the report's authors had clearly overlooked the fact that the local pronunciation of Acol is 'Aaah-soul'.

September

New figures revealed the number of fines Thanet Council had dished out in the previous year to dog owners who had not cleared up after their pooches had pooed on the pavement. How many?

A: Four
B: Four million
C: Four billion

Answer: A - the figures also revealed that enough barkers' nests are deposited on Thanet's pavements each year to build four Boris Islands - with sufficient left over for half an Isle of Wight.

October

Kiwi owners Infratil offloaded loss-making Manston Airport to Scottish millionairess Ann Gloag for the princely sum of one entire British pound. What new name did she give it?

A: Manston Poundland Airport

B: Manston Skyport Airport

C: Manston Pickle Airport

Answer: B - whilst also managing to keep quiet the fact that 'Ann Gloag' is an anagram of 'Anal Gong'.

November

South Thanet's Tory MP Laura Sandys announced on her Facebook page that she would not be standing at the next general election. What reason did she give?

A: She wants to spend more time with her family, including husband Randy Sandys

B: She's bored with cleaning up the streets of Thanet single-handedly

C: Roger Gale is having her baby

Answer: A - apparently Randy is living up to his name and has asked for more early day motions.

December

Oscar winning actor Tom Hanks starred in the latest Disney blockbuster Saving Mr Banks. Where was he born?

A: Concord, California

B: Calgary, Canada

C: Cliftonville, Kent

Answer: C - he was born in Thanet while his father was serving with the USAF at Manston, and spent his early months in a flat in Northdown Road.

So how did you do?

0 - 4 correct answers - Thanet Council is your mum
5 - 8 correct answers - Your airport has doubled in value to £2
9 - 12 correct answers - Aldi Shampagne all the way!

May we also take this opportunity to wish all our readers a very merry Christmas and the best of British for 2014 (you'll need it). And to those who have been offended by this blog during the course of 2013, a very heartfelt and sincere 'tough titty'.

Age Concern

Ramsgate reader Ashley writes:

I visited Ramsgate town on Easter Saturday to purchase two birthday cards, one for a female relative in the north of England, and the other for an elderly male neighbour of mine who has an interest in steam locomotives.

I thought a card with a locomotive or train picture on the front would be ideal. I went into Clinton cards in the old post office building in the high street, that was a mistake. I did find a card for the female that was just suitable and for my neighbour one that was not quite what I required but would be better than nothing.

I made my choice and took the cards to the counter to pay, and to enquire if per chance I had missed the steam card or maybe they had one that was not in any of the card displays. Oh dear. I was then told in no uncertain terms, and in front of a witness that 'we do not cater for people of your age' (I am 61). The lady assistant who told me this said that she thought it was wrong and that she had told head office so, but they stick by their guns.

It would appear that people of my age are not welcome in that card shop. Strange to say I was the only customer in there at that particular time. Maybe we will soon see the shutters going up on yet another shop in Ramsgate soon.

Well Ashley, they would certainly seem to be ignoring a large proportion of their potential Ramsgate customers there. I'm surprised, as Bill and Hillary are well into their 60s themselves. Perhaps someone should open a similar outlet and call it Cardiology? That should bring the elderly and confused flocking!

Ho-Ho-Hopeless

What with my Twankey being cancelled this year, I must say I'm finding it hard to get into the spirit of Christmas. Still, I've put the deccies up (see profile pic). I didn't want to overdo it. After all, one doesn't want to look like a council house.

In the meantime, if you're already fed up with turkey and tinsel, here's a little antidote (it's a shoot 'em up game by the way... the clue is down the bottom there where it says: 'Play Game'):

Update: I've taken that bastard thing off as the blessed music was getting on my wick! If you're missing the crappy Christmas shoot 'em up you can still play it here.

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells

Ho ho ho! I'm really getting into the festive spirit thanks to all the cards you've been sending! Here's a personalised one from reader Terracotta Glenn:
Ha ha, er, jolly good TG! Although as you know, I've yet to hit 30, so I'm only at the 'Money, Money, Sex' stage. Maybe it's a spot of payback for all the times I've published that photo of you in the giant Chinese warrior outfit. Moving swiftly on, and reader Mr X has sent me this card based on a Margate nativity scene:

Keep them coming!