The Daily Thanet Christmas Quiz

Yes, it's that time of year again! When Thanetians settle down after stuffing a bird, skin up a Camberwell carrot and roast their Superdrys in front of a blazing amusement arcade with a huge helping of Daily Thanet Christmas quizzing, a tradition which has spread joy around the island ever since 2013.

We've based our questions on the events and people that have shaped Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula during the past year. So throw another Grade II listed building on the yuletide blaze, grab yourself a plentiful portion of Heston's hand-pounded spatchcock, and settle down to test your noddle with our Thanet brainteasers!

January

Which world-acclaimed Thanet blog was NOT published in January (or the previous two years, for that matter)?

A: Peter's Pantsless Porkers
B: Thanet Wives
C: Eastcliff Richard (now The Daily Thanet)

Answer: C - But it returned in February, thus bringing much-needed cheer and laughter back to the isle.

February

The Great Wall of Ramsgate was whitewashed by some numpty with a roller and a pot of Wilko's finest, ruining priceless works of art in less time than it takes to jackhammer a Banksy off the side of Poundland. But who was eventually fingered for the crime?

A: A professional Painter
B: A flappy-mouthed, castanet-lipped local councillor
C: Nobody

Answer: C - Apparently the woodentops failed to decipher the writing on the wall.

March

Former Thanet Council leader and Tory stalwart Sandy Ezekiel was banged up for 18 months at Maidstone Crown Court. What was he found guilty of?

A: Misconduct in a public office
B: Misconduct in a public lavatory
C: Misconduct in a public library

Answer: A - Three guilty pleas of calling public officials 'f*cking t*ssers' were also taken into account during sentencing.

April

A famous politician, beloved of the island's Blue Rinsers, died this month. Who?

A: Maggie Thatcher
B: Thatcher, Thatcher The Baby Milk Snatcher
C: The Right Honourable Baroness Voldemort of Kesteven

Answer: All three, depending on your political viewpoint.

May

UKIP trounced the Tories in the Kent County Council elections, but what nationality were the bricklayers who paved Kent UKIP leader Roger Latchford's new driveway?

A: Bulgarian
B: Irish
C: Kentish through and through

Answer: B - despite quotes from local firms, Rodge fell for the blarney.

June

The Ferrygate scandal was in full swing after it was revealed that Thanet Council had secretly subsidised failing ferry firm TransEuropa, without so much as a 'by your leave' from the taxpayers. How much of our dosh did Bayford, Hart, McGonigal et al pour down the gurgler?

A: £3.4m
B: £26 for every man, woman and child on the island
C: £340,000 for every job 'saved' at the port of Ramsgate.

Answer: All three - or to put it another way, only 28 times Thanet Council Chief Executive Sue McGonigal's annual salary.

July

The original plans emerged from more than a decade ago for the Royal Sands aka Pleasurama eyesore development on Ramsgate front. The drawings sported a Whitbread logo, but what did Whitbread say when they were asked what their involvement would be?

A: Nothing to do with us, guv.
B: We're only here for the beer.
C: It'll Costa lotta money! (Geddit!!!???!!!??!)

Answer: A - Whitbread's Acquisitions Manager, when told about the plans, said he had not seen them, and that the company was 'in no negotiations with any party in respect of any development in Ramsgate'.

August

Margate has traditionally always taken first prize for being the biggest shithole on the island. But this month a report found that one of Thanet's other towns was even crappier. Which?

A: Broadstairs
B: Ramsgate
C: Birchington

Answer: B - the report's authors had clearly overlooked the fact that the local pronunciation of Acol is 'Aaah-soul'.

September

New figures revealed the number of fines Thanet Council had dished out in the previous year to dog owners who had not cleared up after their pooches had pooed on the pavement. How many?

A: Four
B: Four million
C: Four billion

Answer: A - the figures also revealed that enough barkers' nests are deposited on Thanet's pavements each year to build four Boris Islands - with sufficient left over for half an Isle of Wight.

October

Kiwi owners Infratil offloaded loss-making Manston Airport to Scottish millionairess Ann Gloag for the princely sum of one entire British pound. What new name did she give it?

A: Manston Poundland Airport

B: Manston Skyport Airport

C: Manston Pickle Airport

Answer: B - whilst also managing to keep quiet the fact that 'Ann Gloag' is an anagram of 'Anal Gong'.

November

South Thanet's Tory MP Laura Sandys announced on her Facebook page that she would not be standing at the next general election. What reason did she give?

A: She wants to spend more time with her family, including husband Randy Sandys

B: She's bored with cleaning up the streets of Thanet single-handedly

C: Roger Gale is having her baby

Answer: A - apparently Randy is living up to his name and has asked for more early day motions.

December

Oscar winning actor Tom Hanks starred in the latest Disney blockbuster Saving Mr Banks. Where was he born?

A: Concord, California

B: Calgary, Canada

C: Cliftonville, Kent

Answer: C - he was born in Thanet while his father was serving with the USAF at Manston, and spent his early months in a flat in Northdown Road.

So how did you do?

0 - 4 correct answers - Thanet Council is your mum
5 - 8 correct answers - Your airport has doubled in value to £2
9 - 12 correct answers - Aldi Shampagne all the way!

May we also take this opportunity to wish all our readers a very merry Christmas and the best of British for 2014 (you'll need it). And to those who have been offended by this blog during the course of 2013, a very heartfelt and sincere 'tough titty'.

The ECR Christmas Quiz

Yes, it's that time of year again! When Thanetians settle down after the annual scoffing of the Christmas pud to tug on a bottle of Morrinov and skin up a Camberwell carrot whilst roasting their nuts in front of a blazing Grade II listed building, all accompanied by a huge helping of ECR quizzing, a tradition which has spread joy around the Ile de Thanet ever since 2006.

As usual I've based my questions on the events and people that have shaped Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula during the past year. So throw another heritage ride on the yuletide blaze, pull up some deckchairs and settle down to test your noddle with my Thanet brainteasers!

January


Which geographically challenged duffer said:

Fifty miles from where Boris wants to put his island is Manston. Manston has one of the longest runways in the country, and its take-offs and landings are currently, and will remain, over the sea.

A: That ruddy-faced man from Kent County Council
B: North Thanet MP Sir Roger Wind
C: George W Bush

Answer: B - FYI Rodge they take off and land over Ramsgate. And it has the 14th longest runway in the country.

February


In January every white van man on the island got wood when a plank carrier shed its load in the English Channel and the cargo washed up on our sandy beaches. Despite the fact that the material was ruined from a building point of view, how many new bungalows, roofs and sheds had been completed by February?

A: 100,000
B: 100,000,000
C: 100,000,000,000

Answer: C - mostly by councillors who had friends on the planning committee.

March


It was announced Lord Sir Alan Sugar would be sending the apprentices on his upcoming, eponymous TV show down to the Arsonists' Playground to brainstorm ideas for attracting visitors. Which scheme eventually won the task?

A: Bunging a £20m art gallery on the Rendezvous car park
B: Bunging clapped out old rides on the Dreamland site
C: Seeing the resort through children's eyes

Answer: C - although the great and good of Margate seemed to think their ideas were much better, and would only cost £60m more.

April


Swine flu fever swept the isle, but what symptoms did Thanet's Chief Medical Officer Dr R de Cocke say people should be on the lookout for?

A: Loss of appetite for burgers and kebabs
B: Sudden urge to work
C: Atypical use of consonants

Answer: A, B and C.

May


North Thanet's Blue Rinse Politburo met to decide whether to oust longstanding dictator San Dee Zeek-il after another run of foul-mouthed, petitioning-bothering misdemeanours. However, the Tory night of the long knives turned out instead to be:

A: Musical chairs with Sandy not budging from his
B: A pass the brown envelope party
C: A trousers rolled up to the knees-up

Answer: A - Our Glorious Leader beat off the competition by holding them in the palm of his hand, apparently.

June


Who splashed out £695 on bedroom furniture, £63 on re-tailoring curtains and £50 to become a friend of the Herne Bay Festival?

A: Gary Glitter
B: Roger Gale MP
C: Jordan

Answer: B - Sir Rodge blew a gasket when he was challenged on these items by one of the local papers, thus cementing his position as the out of touch tosspot we all know and love.

July


'Independent' Birchington Parish councillor John Worrow was caught following Tory grandee Roger Latchford OBE's lead in voting against referring county council chief Paul Carter to the Standards Board at a turbulent meeting of the Manston consultative committee. Later in the year he was filmed doing what?

A: Impersonating the late Wacko Jacko
B: Sticking his hand up where it didn't belong
C: Finalising his plans for world domination

Answer: A - and here's the evidence:


August


Tory councillor for Dane Valley, Steve Broadhurst, was set to resign after it was discovered he spent most of his time:

A: In the lavatory
B: In Panama
C: In women's undies

Answer: B - leading to his description by Conservative cabinet member Dr Biggles as 'the member for Panama'.

September

One of the island's blogs won an award from Total Politics magazine. Who got the gong?

A: Labour Councillor Mark Nottingham for From One End of Kent
B: Tory Councillor Simon Moores for Thanet Life
C: Chippy Tone for Bignews Margate

Answer: A - it came 99 out of 100 in the Labour blogs category.

October


Thanet Council revealed how much it was going to spend on a consultation so that us Ramsgatonians could have the pleasure of knackered old 747s flying feet over our bonces all night. The cost?

A: £800
B: £8,000
C: £80,000

Answer: C - cheap at half the price for the pleasure that the crate loads of rotten bananas will bring to the little children of Ramsgate.

November


Euroferries was due to begin its new service from Ramsgate to Boulogne on 14 November. However, despite taking bookings on its website, the launch never happened. When was it postponed until?

A: The next week
B: The next month
C: The next year

Answer: A, B and C - currently the best guess is March 2010.

December

Southeastern Railways were due to launch their new high speed service from Ramsgate to St Pancras on 14 December. When did it actually launch?

A: 14 December
B: 14 December
C: 14 December

Answer: A, B or C - at least that way everybody gets at least one point!

So how did you do?

0 - 4 correct answers - Your kitten has died of flea anaemia
5 - 8 correct answers - Paid for Boulogne, but the ferry's in Tenerife
9 - 12 correct answers - Krug and canapes at my cliff top mansion!

The ECR Christmas Quiz

Yes, it's that time of year again! When Thanetians settle down after scoffing the Christmas pud, skin up a Camberwell carrot and roast their nuts in front of a blazing rollercoaster with a huge helping of ECR Christmas quizzing, a tradition which has spread joy around the Ile de Thanet ever since 2006.

As usual I've based my questions on the events and people that have shaped Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula during the past year. So throw another heritage ride on the yuletide blaze, pull up some deckchairs and settle down to test your noddle with my Thanet brainteasers!

January


Work began on improving the streets and pavements around Margate old town. It was due to be completed 'in time for the summer season', but when did it finally get done?

A: In time for Easter
B: It ran over a bit into the summer
C: They're still working on it now

Answer: C - Get down there and grab yourself a cone hat for Christmas!

February

In the space of only a few hours, a developer converted this Grade II listed building in Ramsgate:


Into this:


What was the developer's name?

A: Auclair Properties
B: Bodgem and Scarper Ltd
C: Barney Rubble (Builders) Ltd

Answer: A - they have since had plans to rebuild the Marina Restaurant and add a ghastly modern block of flats round the side rejected by our beloved council (hurrah!).

March


An arcade burnt down on Margate seafront (natch). What was it called?

A: The Golden Arsonist
B: The Tivoli
C: Jim'll Fix Its

Answer: B - Apparently half a million quids worth of slots went up in smoke.

April

Take a shufti at this short clip from BoobTube:


Another Grade II listed structure, Dreamland's Scenic Railway, burning in Margate (natch). When did Kent's finest arrest the arsonists who set fire to the ride?

A: Blazing June
B: Long arm of October
C: They still haven't got a clue

Answer: C - Thus teaching property developers everywhere a very valuable lesson.

May


Oxford boffin turned Thanet property developer Dr Fiona Sherriff started tarting up Margate's harbour arm this month. What significant event occurred on its opening day later in the year?

A: Dr Sherriff's house was burgled and 20 Gs in cash was nicked
B: Scottish songstress Lulu was spotted shopping in one of the galleries
C: It burnt down

Answer: A - proving that you can have all the qualifications in the world, but you can still leave your wad at home on a day when you've told the whole world you're going to be somewhere else.

June


Our rugged council leader Sandy Beach was caught tussling again - this time in front of startled shoppers at the Edinburgh Woollen Mill outlet on Margate High Street. The contretemps was with Labour councillor Irish Johnston, but what was it over?

A: A kilt
B: A petition against the redeployment of community wardens
C: A pair of particularly natty tartan undercrackers

Answer: B - 1500 people had signed the petition which was allegedly all over the shop floor following, er, judicious democratic intervention by Our Sand and Deputy Rodge.

July


The 'temporary' Heras fencing finally disappeared from the cliff top here in Ramsgate's trendy East Cliff. How long had it been there?

A: Three days
B: Three months
C: Three years

Answer: A+B+C - Three years, three months and three days, to be precise.

August


A Tesco bag full of documents relating to the China Gateway project was discovered which suggested, contrary to what had been said publicly, that a council jolly to China had been funded by the developer rather than the Chinese. But what gifts did our Jurassic junta discuss giving their Chinese hosts?

A: TDC cufflinks
B: Glass paperweights with Thanet scene at bottom
C: Turner picture enlarged as a scroll of Margate seafront

Answer: A, B and C - other goodies in the bag included a quote for 'Shogun' or 'primo' carpets from a local shagpile emporium and a proposal to 'erect signs as you enter Thanet (saying): Welcome to Thanet, the home of Chinese Globalisation, in English and Chinese'.

September


Our lovely Maritime Museum here in the Ms' P was set for closure, following the withdrawal of £100,000 in grants from Thanet Council, and the failure of East Kent Maritime Trust, which ran the museum, to deliver any accounts for three years. What other use was it rumoured to be slated for?

A: Fish restaurant
B: Chinese restaurant
C: Carpet shop

Answer: A - although the rumour now is that it might be saved as a museum for the Thanet nation after all. Or that it might become a museum cum, er, fish restaurant.

October


At least 470 tonnes of the chemical cyclohexanone was reported to have seeped into the local water table following a leak at Fujifilm's Sericol printing ink factory. Whose FOI request outed this previously hushed-up information?

A: Bibliobloke Michael Child
B: Irritating Bloke Rick Card
C: Super-duper, all round smashing bloke Eastcliff Richard

Answer: B - thus proving the old adage that it takes a bit of irritation to produce a pearl.

November


Former Boomtown Rat Bob Geldof (behind the bouncer in our picture) turned on Margate's Christmas lights as penance for having called the place a dump earlier in the year. Which shop did he say they'd bought the lights from?

A: Woolies
B: Selfridges
C: Harrods

Answer: A - although plans to return them after Christmas for a refund may now require a rethink.

December


The lovely Brenda Blethyn was voted our Greatest Living Thanetian following the death of the former incumbent. Who was our previous GLT?

A: Counterfeiting councillor Cyril Hoser
B: Ear-lopping dauber Vincent van Gogh
C: Clanger-creating animator Oliver Postgate

Answer: C - sadly he ceased to be animated earlier in the month.

So how did you do?

0 - 4 correct answers - Gary Glitter's just moved in next door
5 - 8 correct answers - Sandy Beach does your carpets
9 - 12 correct answers - Krug and canapes at my cliff top mansion!

Right, I'm off to wrap the prezzies - Bertie the Burmese is getting a tinkly ball and a squeaky mouse this year! And may I just take this opportunity to wish all my readers a very merry Christmas and the best of British for 2009 (you'll need it). And to those I've offended during the course of 2008 may I also say from the very bottom of my heart - tough titty. Pip pip!

The ECR Christmas Quiz

Yes, it's that time of year again! When Thanetians settle down after scoffing the Christmas pud to a huge helping of ECR Christmas quizzing, a tradition which has spread joy around the Ile de Thanet ever since 2006.

As usual I've based my questions on the events and people that have shaped the Ile during the past year. So stoke up the yuletide blaze, and if there's any furniture left after the fire brigade have put it out, settle down and test your noddle with my Thanet brainteasers!

January
I spotted this whiffy old geyser in Rotorua (aka Fartopolis), New Zealand on my Big Down Under tour at the start of the year. Which recently appointed Thanet bigwig's last job was in Rotorua?

A: Oozalum-loving Manston Chief Executive Matt Clarke
B: China-loving TDC Chief Executive Richard Samuel
C: Car-park-loving Thorley Taverns Chief Executive Frank Thorley

Answer: A - Kiwi Matt's previous job was at Rotorua Airport.

February
This was put on display at Margate's Winter Gardens. What is it?

A: Tracey Emin's shoe box collection
B: Foam Sweet Foam, an exhibition of art from Kazakhstan
C: The initial design for the onshore Turnip Centre

Answer: C - currently the Turner Contemporary is expected to cost over £25m (including £8m wasted on the aborted offshore design).

March
New CCTV was installed by our beloved council to protect this Ramsgate monument after they scrubbed off years of gruesome graffiti. How long did the camera remain?

A: About a day
B: About a week
C: About a month

Answer: C - but why was it removed, and why has it never returned? (That's not another quiz question, just a pensive thought).

April
The earth moved here in the Millionaires' Playground on the morning of Saturday the 28th. What caused it?

A: An earthquake under the Channel a few miles from Dover
B: Our crumbling East Cliff collapsing
C: A Viagra spillage at the nearby Pfizer factory

Answer: A - Thanetians found their oats quaking around 8.30am.

May
The local council elections returned rugged Tory leader Sandy Beach to power, but what was Sandy in a previous life?

A: A boxer
B: A bouncer
C: A belly dancer

Answer: A - Sandy is famous for his Ali-like, pugilistic banter, such as last April when he called the Mayor of Margate a 'f*cking tosser' at the Mayor's own ball, and wittily suggested to another councillor 'come on, just put your face in mine!'

June
Former Isle of Thanet Gazunder reporter Nick Dorman upset Northsiders by printing some rather off colour remarks about Margate in The People. The article was about 'dole scroungers', but what is the town's apparent nickname, according to young Nick?

A: Dolegate
B: Benefit Bay
C: Sicknote-on-Sea

Answer: C - but as we all know, it's actual nickname is the Arsonists' Playground!

July
St Ives in Cornwall (pictured above) was named the best seaside town in Britain by The Guardian, but which resort came second?

A: Cliftonville
B: Ramsgate
C: Broadstairs

Answer: B - um, er, well, no it was C: Boredstares actually. But it should have been Ramsgate. I think they may have miscounted the votes or something.

August
I was approached by a television company wanting to make a film about Ramsgate. What was going to be the film's highlight?

A: A musical which brought all the people of the town together
B: A Bond style speedboat chase through our Royal Harbour
C: A courtroom sequence in which the council was sued for incompetence

Answer: A - for some reason the producers never got in touch again after I told them my last single was truly eponymous, having sold just the one copy.

September
I broke the exclusive that a new company was planning to build seven, eight metre high glasshouses on the Ile - covering the equivalent of 75 football pitches - and fill them with tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers. What is the name of the company?

A: Thanet Earth
B: Birchingtoms
C: The Veg of The Known World

Answer: A - and here's the proof (or you can visit their website by clicking here):


October
Fishermen protested about the enormous sand bank that now virtually blocks the entrance of our Royal Harbour at low tide, caused by our incompetent council's lack of dredging. What was the council's response?

A: They renamed the sand bank The Sandy Beach Sandy Beach
B: They applied for Blue Flag status
C: They sold off the harbour's only dredger

Answer: C - they then put the dredging contract out to tender, but nothing further's been heard and the sand bank is still there.

November
The Isle of Thanet Gazunder was bought by Daily Mail group Northcliffe Media back in July. What did they blame this gobbledegook headline on in November?

A: Problems with their monkey/typewriter interface?
B: New computers
C: Sdf dsfskj sdffkjsd sdfkjf kdfjfklj dfjk

Answer: B - apparently the computers were fixed following the application of copious amounts of red wine, gin and high tar ciggies.

December
The ruling Blue Rinsers announced plans to close Ramsgate's Maritime Museum, quoting budget constraints and a lack of visitors. What else will they be closing?

A: Libraries to make way for 'one stop benefit shops'
B: Public khazis
C: Margate

Answer: All three!

So how did you do?

0 - 4 correct answers - That Bloody Awful Noel
5 - 8 correct answers - Christopher Biggins
9 - 12 correct answers - Me!!!!

And don't forget, if you want more good quizzing for Christmas there's still time to rush out and buy The Prince of Wales Quiz Book by my old chum and quizmaster extraordinaire Marcus Berkmann. A snip in paperback at £8.99! (Marcus - please send the Krug to the usual address).