Manhood Museum To Open In Margate

Thanet Council have approved plans for a new museum and gallery in Margate Old Town - only this time it will be strictly 'members only'.

The Margate Manhood Museum (3M) will be modelled on Iceland's Phallological Museum, which boasts a collection of more than 200 penises and penile parts, including one from a polar bear and four human specimens.

The move follows the successful revitalisation of Margate through the world renowned Turner Contemporary, which has single handedly transformed the town from a shambling shit heap to the darling of media luvvies and cloth-capped hipsters, virtually overnight.

A spokeswoman for Thanet Council said: 'We hope this new addition to Margate's creative offering will help the town stand out amongst the increasingly crowded south coast arts scene. We've had to beat off stiff competition from places like Hastings and Herne Bay, but in the end 3M decided that Margate offered the best overall package.'

3M Director Peter Johnson added: 'We are proud to be sticking up for Margate, and fully expect 3M to become embedded in the core of the town. Turner Contemporary, Old Town and the promising addition of the new Dreamland theme park in 2015 definitely mean Margate is becoming a hot spot for discerning visitors from all over the south east. They are no longer willing to be palmed off by a load of old bollocks - we aim to provide them with something they could give a toss about.'

The gallery is expected to open next Easter.

Mechanical Elephant Is Big Down Under

Sitting in my Yokohama hotel room, pondering the meaning of the sign on the door which reads 'It is forbidden to bring breakfast bought outside to iron', I thought I'd log into the old email. Lo and behold, I had received this missive from Julianne in Adelaide, South Australia:

Hello Richard,

I stumbled across your site while looking for mechanical elephant information. My father owns one of these elephants and I drive it every year in a Xmas pageant in Adelaide, South Australia.

I would really like to have a copy of the footage you have on your website as it may even be our elephant in that film. I look forward to hearing from you in the not too distant future. I attach a photo of our elephant called Nellie at the pageant last Saturday (8/11/08).

Thank you, Julianne Hein

Regular readers will recall that, back in May, I published some archive footage of what is believed to have been Margate's mechanical elephant. That footage was found in Google Video, Julianne, and if you click here you'll be able to see it in the raw, along with numerous other films of similarly automated pachyderms. If any of you locals have tales of Margate's elephant to recall, do pop them in the comments below. I'm sure Julianne would be delighted to read them.

Right, that's that sorted. I'm off to illegally press my porridge!

Margate's Mechanical Elephant

I'm indebted to Philip Page, proprietor of the splendid Bling Bling Bling jewellery and piercing emporium on Margate's lower high street, for his excellent research in finding this clip.

If you've ever wondered why there's a pub on Margate front called The Mechanical Elephant, it's because Margate used to boast a, er, mechanical elephant. Here it is in its full, petrol-propelled pachydermic glory on a 50s Pathè newsreel (complete with clipped tone commentary), trundling up and down the prom:



Astonishingly Britain used to lead the world in the production of mechanical elephants. This one was later sold to the late, great, dearly-departed Peter Sellers as part of his eccentric collection of automobilia.

The location appears to be the Rendezvous car park area, where the Ike and Tina Turner Centre is planned. Perhaps fittingly, many cynics have already described the proposed art gallery in elephantine terms, by the expedient of merely substituting the adjective 'white' for 'mechanical'.

Update: Talking of the Turnip, I see TC director Victoria Pomery recently gave an in-depth interview about the whole debacle to Building Design. Click here to read on.