Monday, November 26, 2007

'Ello Me Old China

I see the President of France today signed £14.5bn worth of deals with the Chinese. So, have Thanet's illustrious leaders, who've also recently been in China, done as well? Here's an extract from Sandy's China Diary, which I found on a CD marked 'top secret' that TNT popped through the letterbox this morning:

Day 1: Lord luvva duck! Those tossers at BA lost my effing bag. F*cking tossers. 'Ad a couple of Axminster samples in it too. Tossers.
Day 2: Bleedin' 'ell. They served up snake liver last night. Tossers!
Day 3: One of their blokes woz in me face this morning. IN ME FACE! So I told him to eff off. F*cking tosser!

Speaking of China, don't forget you can catch the Terracotta Army exhibition at the British Museum until next April. Which gives me a perfect excuse to run my picture of reader Terracotta Glenn again!


Anonymous said...

Oh no not him again! Can't you superimpose Sandy Beach's head instead? On second thoughts probably too big!

Anonymous said...

Do you remember Rab C Nesbitt ? And in Spain he came face to face with a Spanish Rab C equivalent. One ranted in Espagnol and Rab ranted in Glasgaeol and they found themselves in accord ?

Well imagine, if you will, a Chinese councillor equivalent to Sandy Beach.

SB: "f-ckin ell wot a result, wot a dig that led got on im wouldwn't want to mix it up wiv im in a telephone box serious bad noos and what the f-ck da full SP on dis international trade game den ?"

Cllr Don FukYew: "Forgee-abow-rit git owra ere yew meron. You used to be a nation of shopkeepers now you f-ck all. So kiss my rarse and tell us abowa minimum wages anda glant aid and dee full s p on dissa Tlunnner Centre"

Anonymous said...

Cllr Fuk Yew: Wohwere thinking, visavis Tlunner Centre, is to put some tellacotta walliors in yer gaff. Make a clear cultulal statamint"

That evening over cocoa with Chief Exec Richard Samuel

SB "Nah listen to dis Sammy, dat f-cking main man on da manor ere only has a con-sick-glory called Terry Cotter or sumfink. A right f-ckin chancer. Only wants to put some of his soldiers on da mattresses in our own backyard to send out the right message from dayre point of view !!

I sonn f-cking told that FukYew come that disrespect on my manor owsahn and your Terry Cotter's army will git some concrete booties. I ll bring in Cyrils old henchmen, they can be tasty geezers after a sniff of the phyllosan"

Over a foo yung FukYew briefs his chief executive "Sandy thinks our tellacotta walliors need leeparing with a conclete. I think he is a ranker"

Anonymous said...

Confucius say "Long leasoning can read to light concrusion"

Impressed said...

The hidden literary talent on this island never ceases to amaze me!

Anonymous said...

3.12, oh I did enjoy your 'posting'! Thanks for the laughs.

Eastcliff Richard said...

I think 3:12 should have his own blog! He/she's funnier than me, and that's saying something!

Kathy said...

Ho Ho. Was China ready for a mayor's ball repeat? Did officials "get in SB's f******* face"
Did a champagne bottler go through someone's car sun roof?

Kathy said...

I would say I meant champagne bottle but on past form maybe not

Lucy Mail said...

Nice to see Benny Hill's spirit is still alive, even if the rest of him is now contributing to global warming.
Fills me with the urge to pop my single of 'Ernie, the fastest milkman in the West' on the gramaphone and touch myself inappropriately.

Anonymous said...

No need now for the manual approach - I'm sure if you Google 'gramaphone' and 'iGasm device' someone has already devised a way to pair the two and probably published a YouTube video.

In my day Blue Peter or the local Librarian would have been the source of such information, leading to a multitude of 'Heath Robinsons' toiling away for hours in sheds at the ends of gardens.

Try telling that to the youth of today!

Terracotta Jan said...

Please desist, old China. He's insufferable at the best of times, but this just makes him worse!