Eye News

The dreaded appointment with my new opthalmologist, Mr R. De Cock, is less than a week away, so you'll forgive me for being a trifle ocularly obsessed at the moment.

Lunching with my old satirical chum Ian at his mansion in the Kent countryside yesterday, he revealed that he's moved into that age where he requires bifocals, so he's no longer able to pop in the contacts. Hence the debut of the snazzy new goggles on Question Time last week. I expect they'll become a regular feature of the news-gnome's physog during the new series of HIGNFY, which begins again this Friday.

During the chit-chat he revealed that another prominent journo recently encountered similar age-related opthalmic difficulties. Vanity prevented her from donning bifocals, so she opted for laser treatment and now has one eye for close-up work, and the other for long distance vision. Modesty, of course, prevents me from revealing her name.

Meanwhile, Wossie's been chatting to me on Facebook about having his lumps removed over the summer break. I recall Elton pointing out on his show that the nodule under his eyebrow could easily be fixed, and he's confirmed that he had it off over the recess, along with 'a hard thing attached to a vein on my leg'. How us celebrity types suffer for our art, eh?

Still, it's worth it, isn't it? After all, who would guess that Brucie is 103?