Strictly Left Footed

Here's a Brucie Bonus for Christmas! Councillor Clive Hart has sent me this all-singing, all-dancing Christmas card from the Thanet Labourites! Cllr Hart says:

It's the Strictly Cliftonville West & Margate Central Formation Dance Team Christmas Special. Cllrs. Aldred, Clark, Hart, Johnston & Watkins wish all our friends over in Ramsgate a very merry Christmas!

PS: It takes a few seconds to load but it's worth the wait.

Hmmm. I wonder what I'll get from the Blue Rinsers? Dunno though. Our Sandy's handier at shaking a fist than shaking a leg!

Click here to watch Strictly Councillors Dancing

Pollution News

If you're wondering who that lump that's currently rattling the windows of Ramsgate belongs to, it's Ghana International Airlines. I think I can be certain that it's a 757, since Ghana International Airlines only possess one plane, a 757 leased from our old friends Astraeus, Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson's airline of choice.

I've popped their contact details below, should you feel inclined to complain to them about the fumes, noise and greenhouse gases they're spewing out on their training circuits over the Millionaires' Playground!

Click here for more details of Ghana Airlines on Wikipedia
Click here to complain to Ghana Airlines

This article has NOT been approved by the Politburo. Politburo member Comrade Latchford points out that the airport has created millions of jobs in Thanet, and is set to employ another 10,000,000 comrades by 2010. This is a small price to pay for the distress and inconvenience caused to the relatively small number of party members who live in Ramsgate.

Strictly Kent Dancing!

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Showbiz Editor Hans Neesenbumpsadazie

Stars of the hit TV series Strictly Come Dancing are flocking to Thanet for practice sessions, according to BBC insiders.

'The island has ideal facilities for celebrities and professional dancers alike,' a Strictly producer told the Gazunder. 'Where else could they practice their steps just by walking down the street?'

Performers such as EastEnders' Letitia Dean and Kent's own Kelly Brook have apparently praised islanders for providing plenty of pavement obstacles such as crushed White Lightning cans, chewing gum and barkers' nests, all of which have to be carefully avoided on the average trip to the shops.

'It's true,' confirmed a BBC spokesman. 'Many of the dancers on Strictly have been training in Thanet.' And he added: 'Where else could you nip out for 20 Rothmans and end up doing a perfect cha-cha-cha?'

Bruce Forsyth is 103.

Eye News

The dreaded appointment with my new opthalmologist, Mr R. De Cock, is less than a week away, so you'll forgive me for being a trifle ocularly obsessed at the moment.

Lunching with my old satirical chum Ian at his mansion in the Kent countryside yesterday, he revealed that he's moved into that age where he requires bifocals, so he's no longer able to pop in the contacts. Hence the debut of the snazzy new goggles on Question Time last week. I expect they'll become a regular feature of the news-gnome's physog during the new series of HIGNFY, which begins again this Friday.

During the chit-chat he revealed that another prominent journo recently encountered similar age-related opthalmic difficulties. Vanity prevented her from donning bifocals, so she opted for laser treatment and now has one eye for close-up work, and the other for long distance vision. Modesty, of course, prevents me from revealing her name.

Meanwhile, Wossie's been chatting to me on Facebook about having his lumps removed over the summer break. I recall Elton pointing out on his show that the nodule under his eyebrow could easily be fixed, and he's confirmed that he had it off over the recess, along with 'a hard thing attached to a vein on my leg'. How us celebrity types suffer for our art, eh?

Still, it's worth it, isn't it? After all, who would guess that Brucie is 103?