Thursday, November 30, 2006

Ramsgate Woman Claims She Was 'Stalked' By Celebrity

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Reporter

Local millionaire celebrity Mr Richard Eastcliff has apologised to a Ramsgate woman he said he was going to marry, after she dubbed him a 'stalker' and a 'freak'.

The woman, gorgeous 30 hum-ti-tum estate agent Frances Oapen, described Mr Eastcliff as 'a sad freak' and 'a little pr*ck' on her website, Franorama, adding that she would 'tear him a new A hole'.

According to the charming and delightful Ms Oapen, she had only agreed to go to dinner with Ramsgate's foremost entertainer and writer, and that nothing had been said about an engagement.

Mr Eastcliff has now apologised to the lovely Ms Oapen, admitting that he 'might have gone off half cock', and has invited her to a slap-up candlelit dinner to make amends.

9 comments:

Frances Oapen said...

Swivel on it saddo!

The Angina Monologues said...

In the old days, Eastcliff, you could have been arrested for breach of promise. No, that's not right because she's saying she was never promised anything. Forget it. I have.

Dane Valley Ted said...

Half-cocked!
Now that could be your problem.
Is it how much you have or how much
she got.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Well clearly Ted, given the circs, she didn't get anything.

Dane Valley Ted said...

I know,but I have been saving that one up and it seemed to be the time to use it.
I have managed to get a visa for friday,so I will be coming to Ramsgate and will be popping into the harbour bar about noon.
If you recognise me I will buy you a G&T.

Jeremy Jacobs said...

I told you she's trouble.

She's just like some of those JP's I've had to put up with in the past.

Rant over.


(BTW, have you seen Borat yet?)

Eastcliff Richard said...

No JJ, haven't seen Borat yet. An old producer chum of mine claims he discovered Sacha B-C so I suppose I ought to toddle along to the Granville Theatre Cinem and take a peek at the weekend if it's still on, although Bondie might get the bettter of me.

Jeremy Jacobs said...

Talking of Bond. You are aware that Ian Flemimg wrote the books whilst residing near Dover.

Eastcliff Richard said...

St Margaret's at Cliffe, I believe JJ. I'm not sure if his house is still there, though. It was called White Cliffs, and he bought it from dear departed lovely Noel Coward in 1952.

Part of Goldfinger was filmed at the Royal St George's golf club, the bit where dear Sean Connery plays a round of golf with Auric Goldfinger for a $10,000 bet.

Ramsgate also gets a guernsey, it's used by Goldfinger for his comings and goings. "Quiet little port", says Bond. "Customs and police who were probably only on the look-out for brandy from France."

Now, of course, it's an international marina, harbour and resort rivalling the likes of Monte Carlo!