My interior designer, Charlie Chuckles, has been here all morning, re-painting the lounge room whilst cheerily whistling 'Springtime For Hitler' from The Producers.
He knows all the stars - Brucie, Tarbie, Corbie - and even claims his brother-in-law discovered Chaz and Dave.
I thought I could jaw, but blimey! And it's all becoming rather uncomfortably surreal. Apparently he revamped the Westcliff Pool buildings 30 years ago, and put 18 monkeys in them.
"I get all sorts of calls from people with sick chimpanzees, and I ask, 'What are you feeding them on?'. They say 'Fruit'. Well that's your problem there, isn't it! Chimpanzees eat MEAT!"