FROM THE OFFICE OF SIR ROGER DE COURCEY (AND NOOKIE) (AGAIN) (WHO DOES HE THINK I AM, HIS BLOODY PA?)

Mr Richard Eastcliff has asked us to issue yet another statement on his behalf:

"At last! A copy of this week's Gazunder has reached me here at the burns unit!

"I'm glad to see our crumbling East Cliff given due prominence, and that the Dreamland sign has been restored to its rightful place on, er, Dreamland.

"But there's a curious line in the story on page 8, about our local pub magnate, Frank Thorley, purchasing another hostelry. Asked what his favourite tipple is, our Frank is reported as replying: 'Pills or a dry Martini.'

"Now in my younger days, on the stand-up circuit, I wasn't beyond doing a few pills myself. You know, just to get me through the routine. And maybe the day after. But Mr Thorley is in his eighth decade, and would be well advised to slow down and smell the roses a bit, in my opinion.

"Anyway, I'm sure he can afford a good doctor or two, and doesn't need me telling him to lay off the blue bombers. So I'll move on to Mr X, who appears to have been well chuffed with carrying off the top prize in my Joke Week/Weak Joke competition. Good on you, Mr X, and give my regards to your Mum!"