Sunday, August 27, 2006

Cracked House

As a celebrity entertainer, newspaper proprietor, and all-round pillock of the local community, I am often driven to comment on civic matters.

Regular readers will also know that I'm not much of a one for repeatedly carping on, but I do find myself returning again and again (and again) to the subject of our crumbling East Cliff, and our local council's lack of urgent action to prevent it collapsing onto the assorted Ferraris and Lambos parked below.

Some cynics have suggested that this may be because of the large cracks that have appeared here in the old Cliff Top Mansion, and my urgent need to convince the Norwich Union that they are nothing to do with that party I had last year, when Barrymore thought it would be a splendid idea to hijack a JCB from round the corner and dig me a new pool.

Nothing could be further from the truth, and I would like to state categorically that my insurers are fully appraised of the facts.


Snailspace said...

Are you sure that's all Barrymore was digging

Eastcliff Richard said...

Well he ended up digging a bit of a hole for himself, especially when the rozzers turned up. By that stage the only words he seemed capable of uttering were 'Awright?' and 'Higher or lower?'.