FROM THE OFFICE OF SIR ROGER DE COURCEY (AND NOOKIE)

Mr Richard Eastcliff has asked us to issue the following statement on his behalf:

"Cripes! Talk about getting your fingers burnt. That's the last time I buy a cheap laptop. The doctors here in the burns unit say I'll never play the piano again. Which is lucky, because I never could play it in the first place.

"I'll be keeping an eye on Joke Week, keep the entries coming. I should be out of here by the end of the week, ready to present that gleaming new Bentley Continental Flying Toss to the lucky winner.

"You can't get rid of me that easily! Not for nothing am I known in the biz as 'the athlete's foot of light entertainment'!"