Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Joke Week

It's the silly season, when traditionally the newspapers, even the 'alternative newspapers', are so desperate to fill space that they'll print anything.

So, as there's not much happening in Blogland, and as everyone's having a 'Week' at the moment, I think now's the time to inaugurate the first Eastcliff Richard Annual Joke Week.

The idea's simple. All you have to do to win a superb, new Bentley Continental Flying Toss* is tell us the worst joke you've ever heard.

To get the ball rolling, here's a few starters for ten:

Corduroy pillows are the next big thing - they're set to make headlines!

A man walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he says.

A man says to a waiter in a Chinese restaurant: "Waiter, this chicken's rubbery." "Ah, thank you velly much, sir," comes the reply.

You get the picture. Now do your worst!

*Bentley Continental Flying Toss supplied by Corgi of Luton.


Lucy Mail said...

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Lucy Mail said...

How many good catholic girls can you get to have sex with you in a church?


adem said...

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?


sfdretywu said...

What do you call a man with a cliff on his arse?

Steven Seagull.

sfdretywu said...

What would you call the wall behind the pleasurama site?

Cliff Wretched.

er... is it cheating if we make these up?
Y'know, I never imagined that I would ever ask that question!

Eastcliff Richard said...

No, go on, make them up if you like.

Anonymous said...

What do you call a man with a wooden head?


What do you call a man with three wooden heads?

Edwood Woodwood.

brad twitt said...

How many film directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, what do you think?

sfdretywu said...

They're going to build a Turner, Contemporary Arts Center in Margate.

Anonymous said...

They're going to build 40,000 houses at Westwood.

Anonymous said...

What's the difference between an offshore Turner Centre and an onshore Turner Centre?

a) About 40 million quid?
b) One's a Turner Centre and the other's a hotel?
c) Nothing, neither are going to be built?

Anonymous said...

How many Turner paintings do you get in a Turner Centre?


The Angina Monologues said...

David Cameron.

The Angina Monologues said...

On second thoughts it may be this surgical truss I'm wearing.

Lucy Mail said...

I'm going to Heathrow tomorrow.

Dr Russell Square said...

I visit this blog from time to time looking for a sign of some redeeming feature, talent or achievement from its author but sadly I can find none!

Anonymous said...

Whats pink & wrinkly & hangs out your trousers??
Your mum!!

'MR X'

Anonymous said...

What's black and white and red all over?

A zebra crossing with a dead pedestrian on it.

Dane Valley Ted said...

Councillor Latchford re-elected

Anonymous said...

What's long, hard and full of seamen?

A submarine.

Damn, that doesn't really work when you write it out, does it?

sfdretywu said...

An Eskimo is on his way to work when his snow-mobile breaks down.
The AA guy turns up, looks at it and says "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, no," replies the Eskimo "it's just a bit of frost in my beard!"

I hardly expect that, like most of the jokes here, to win, as it is quite funny.

Anonymous said...

What fish don't swim?

Dead ones.

'Mr X' said...

The flying doctor.

Anonymous said...

How many councillors does it take to get the lightbulbs in the Harbour Arches changed?

That's not a joke.

Anonymous said...

TDC Planning Department

Dane Valley Ted said...

T.D.C Housing Policy