Thursday, March 30, 2006

Swabbing The Poop Deck

This week the local council's magazine trumpets its new, improved cleaning services. Buried in the piles of self-congratulatory copy, I discover that my council tax has been invested in a motorised, mechanical pooper-scooper called 'Fido'.

How long will it be before Fido has the pavements of Ramsgate's Eastcliff looking shiny and new, as if they've been personally attended to by Cillit Bang!'s Barry Scott, I muse?

Well, the Ile de Thanet has around 310 miles of roads. Assuming a pavement on each side of the road, that's 620 miles of pavement. Further assuming Fido has a top pooper-scooping speed of, say, 4mph (I don't believe it could safely go much faster than that without flinging out dessicated barker's nests from its amazing, pooper-scooping mechanism), Fido should be around here once a month or so.

Now all we need is for the local hounds to only visit the bathroom 12 times a year, and the place will be spotless!

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