Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Snail Space

Driving back from town last night, I tuned into Radio 4 and caught a half hour devoted entirely to one man's quest to milk poisonous snails using only a fish, a condom and a pair of barbecue tongs.

Proof, if proof were needed, that the BBC is the best public broadcasting service in the world, and well worth the £786 licence fee.

Not only that, but I've been on to One-Eyed Pete, and he's now booked the bloke for the re-opening of Dreamland.


sfdretywu said...

Having very little money myself (something my parents insisted upon as a character building exercise, from a very early age (tightwads!)), I've found solice and comfort in my attempts to make mainstream scientific experiments more affordable for people in my position.
Can you imagine my alarm at the sheer elaborateness of the methods that you outline for the milking of poisonous snails?
In my experience, all that one needs for this relatively simple procedure is a Swan Vesta match and a jam jar. An apron of some description would be an advantage but this can be washed and used again (sometimes).
Please, please, please, if you think you are helping people with this type of information, do some research first!


Eastcliff Richard said...

Dear Ram Skate Raider,

I believe the method you are describing would result in the total annihilation of the aforementioned mollusc, whereas the cone snails described on the Radio 4 programme are quite difficult to collect and therefore fairly precious. By milking them, the laboratory does them no serious harm, and can keep coming back and milking them time and time again. Think of it as being a bit like TDC's relationship with its council tax payers.

Best wishes,

Your millionaire friend,

Eastcliff Richard

sfdretywu said...

All that is required is patience and good 'hand eye coordination'. The canned slug need not die (although a small amount of permanent scarring often results).
Would this creature discover such a high level of excitement in its natural habitat?
I think not!


p.s. It's reassuring to note that you believe TDC does us no harm.