Regeneration In Action

At least the flowers are getting a lift over on Ramsgate's less salubrious West Cliff. About the only thing that has for years!

Gazunder Goes Gaga

Not so much 'Holy smoke!' as 'Holy sdffkjsd!' on page nine of today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder. With a number of pages suffering from a rather peculiar layout, and more gaps in the flannel panel than Margate seafront, it looks like the cracks are beginning to show following a recent exodus of hacks.

Come back Kathy, all is forgiven!

There's No Place Like Ramsgate

I've been discharged! Hurrah! And back here in the bosom of the old alma mater, I've been catching up with the latest goss!

My housekeeper says she got a bit of a fright the other evening. Walking down one of those grimy backstreets, she came across a posse of rozzers and firefighters. Apparently they were trying to persuade one of the local, er, characters not to continue with his threat of taking out the entire road by placing gas cylinders on a fire in his back yard. The chap was subsequently invited to help with inquiries, so to speak, but the local ball jugglers are now saying they can't prosecute him for this bonfire of the insanities because of an administrative cock-up. Typical.

Meanwhile my local MP, Dr Steve Ladysman, has copied me in on the letter he's sent to the Post Office™ protesting against the proposed closures in his Thanet South constituency. He's had 235 responses about Arsend, 84 regarding Woodnesnisenborough (wherever that is), 58 about Grange Road, and 150 protesting the demise of my own local branch, Mr Filthy Talk Talk's in Bellevue Road.

And finally, regular reader Millicent writes with a report of the recent meeting of the Ramsgate Society (eat your heart out Wossie!) during which a representative of our beloved council's parks department bemoaned increasing vandalism and a shrinking budget. He's only got 40 staff to look after the lot. And to think the area used to be famous for its flower beds and floral displays. Kuh!

Oh, and by the way, thanks to reader Bella for the above photo. If you'd like to visit this particular Ramsgate, pop along to Bluewater. You'll find it embedded in the floor just outside Currys apparently!

Le Ramsgate

As I lie here in the Barrymore Wing of the London Hospital for Comical Diseases, surrounded by cards and flowers from well wishers, I can barely wait for the stitches to come out so that I may return to my beloved Millionaires' Playground. The quack says the op went well, and that my ego has blanded. Apparently the only scars will be mental ones, so that's good.

In particular, I would like to thank regular reader Millicent, who has sent me this French brochure from 1934, advertising the 'charming town' of Ramsgate. If you want to test your GCSE French, just click on the picture to see a larger version.

From my limited linguistic abilities, I see that the town is described as 'very sympathetic towards foreigners'. Just try telling that to the Thanet Life squad!

Successful Operation

The following statement has been issued by Mr Richard Eastcliff's agent:

Mr Richard Eastcliff, the universally adored celebrity millionaire and entertainer, was today admitted to hospital to undergo an emergency procedure to remove a dangerously inflated ego. I can confirm that the operation was a success, and that Mr Eastcliff is now sitting up and joking with nurses. Further bulletins will be issued in due course.

Could Do With A Bit More Polish

Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) has been moonlighting. And I don't mean making money with the mastic.

Trawling through BoobTube earlier today, I came across a short commercial he's made for that new East European deli on the high street. It isn't one of his finest pieces of work, I'm afraid. Not so much an advert as a badvert. See what you think:

Media Fever

Yikes! Not only was it Thanet Night on Channel 4 yesterday, but today the BBC One O'Clock News was reporting live from Ramsgate's Royal Harbour. This time the story was about all the delicious cod our fisherfolk are having to dump back overboard because of EU quotas.

What with that and 57 crews parked over in Margate covering the nastiness there, our beloved council's much-vaunted Film Department must be clocking up overtime!

Bull Rushes

Holy Moses! I almost forgot to remind you that it's Thanet Night tonight on Channel 4!

It kicks off at 9pm with a repeat of the Time Team special on Pugin. That's followed by the premier of Margate blockbuster Exodus. With all the bad coverage the north side's been getting recently, this ripsnorter should help redress the balance. Michael Caine stars as the babe in the basket who's transported to the Arsonists' Playground, where he finds love (Angelina Jolie), and goes on to part the Thames Estuary and lead his chosen people to the promised land of Southend. On the way, several things burn down (natch), but it's OK because they talk to him! Unmissable!

Reader Round-Up

Reader Tina has kindly sent me this photo of a double rainbow she spotted over Preacher's Knob in Broadstairs at the weekend. I know I'm often less than complimentary about the Dickensians' Playground, but you have to admit it's got a certain quaint charm. And, um, emptiness.

And reader Christine writes:

Hi, just found your site by accident and got so engrossed that i have forgotten what i was looking for originally! (But then i do that in Tescos). I liked it - design, writing, style, content etc. but wondered why you do it? It must take ages.

Who are you?

Christine

Well, Christine, I'm flattered to be compared to Tescos, although Waitrose might have been a bit more appropriate. Why do I do it? Search me, guv. Who am I? I'm afraid that's a question only Dr Fraudstein, my celebrity psychiatrist, can answer.

Ramsgate For Sale, One Careful Owner

Chatting to some of the local millionaires over a glass of bubbly down on the Croisette last night, I learnt that the Royal Harbour's ancient dredger, Ramsgate, is up for sale. Apparently it's all part of Councillor Latchford's plan to bring in new, super-duper dredging arrangements and get rid of the sandy beach that appears in our harbour entrance every low tide.

I've dredged up this photo (geddit??!!!) of the old tub in happier times. So, now you can buy the whole of Ramsgate for £65,000! A snip, I'd say!

Beautiful South

I see the Uranians have selected the finalists for their Thanet Is Beautiful photo and video competition. Strangely, my film of Ramsgate's Oasis blight flights doesn't appear to have made the cut.

They've also cunningly split the Ramsgate vote by shortlisting two very similar photos of our Royal Harbour. So, what's the guessing Boredstares or Margate wins? Although with all the gruesomeness currently happening on the north side, it could do with whatever good publicity it can get, I suppose.

The shortlisted video's below if you want to sneak a peek. I'm not sure 'sneak' is the mot juste, as I can't recall the last time I watched a five minute film that felt more like five hours. Guys, take a tip from a professional - if you've only got five minutes, don't spend the first three blowing your own trumpet in the opening titles! Jeez!

See all the Thanet is Beautiful video entries on BoobTube
See the shortlist and vote
See what Thanet's really like on ECR TV

Dickie Dishes Out The Dosh

Thanks for all the comments yesterday. Although we only got a third of the way to the ton, it still added up to 32 quid for Children In Need. Plus I'm donating an extra fiver which I promised the control room lads and lasses for cutting to Sir T when the word 'wig' came up during the Radio 1 v Radio 2 Buzzcocks. All in all not a bad day's work!

Meanwhile I see children's cancer charity CLIC Sargent are abseiling down Ramsgate's West Cliff today. Well, with the lift permanently buggered, it's the only way to go!

Children In Need
CLIC Sargent Ramsgate Abseil

Charitable Comments

As I appear to have been overlooked by ITV's I'm A Non-Entity... yet again this year, I've decided to devote my showbiz talents to the Beeb's Children In Need instead. See if you can spot me lifting the lid on Wogan's wig later this evening.

And following the success of my Green Nose Day back in March, which raised 41 smackers for charity, I will also be donating a shiny new quid for every comment that appears on this post today. I'm aware that another Thanet blogger recently clocked up 63 comments, so let's see if we can make it a cool ton!

Isle Of Blogs

Richard Eastcliff, Thanet's foremost celebrity millionaire, wit, raconteur, bon viveur, philanthropist and all round Renaissance Man, regularly sticks his silicon finger into the island's electronic pudding. Here's his weekly guide to what's hot, and what's gone mouldy in the fridge.

Plum
Ramsgate's Zumiweb continues to tempt our taste buds with his assiette of seaside postcards. Could do with a bit more sauce, though.

Over in Margate, burger fan Bignews Tony has been treating us to a full fat menu of Westwood Chaos and wasted council tax. Do try the over-sea-salted video of last week's storm surge drowning the site for the new Turnip Confectionery.

Ramsgate biblio-bloke Michael Child's new blog serves up a stodgy diet of dry old books. But it has the rich, yeasty aroma of freshly baked Kentish Huffkins, so it gets my vote.

Duff
Thanet Life, run by Tory doctor/councillor Simon Moores, is sticking to the crime themed plat du jour, illiberally bathed in an immigration jus. Come on Doc, get busy with the garlic!

Mrs Tara Plumbing. You'd think a plumber's missus would be serving up some hot stuff, but this blog's lukewarm. Principally because it doesn't link to me. Come on Mrs TP, get cooking with gas!

Vince's Photos of Ramsgate Then and Now usually cooks up some tasty treats, but it's currently closed for refurbishment. Perhaps Vince, who also runs a splendid caves and tunnels blog, could lend a hand exhuming caff-crushing, car-crushing councillor Dave Green from under the patio. He hasn't been seen since September!

Catch up with the local news and gossip every day on www.eastcliffrichard.blogspot.com But then you should know that already, shouldn't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be here!

All Mod Cons

Augustus Pugin, Ramsgate's most illustrious architectural son, is featured all this week on Radio 4. God's Architect: Pugin and the Building of Romantic Britain by Rosemary Hill is currently Book of the Week, and it's just getting to the interesting stuff about the Millionaire's Playground.

Apparently our Puge was besotted with the place, and built what's described as the world's first 'modern home' here. The Grange, pictured above, was way ahead of its time, and boasted plasma tellies, Smeg appliances and a wet room.

Don't worry if you've not tuned in so far. You can listen to all five episodes, narrated by Haydn Gwynne, on the Radio 4 website for the next seven days. You'll just love the part where the plumbers arrive with the wrong Jacuzzi!

Pinafore Signal

I arrived back in the Millionaires' Playground rather late from the smoke last night, following somewhat heated negotiations over pulling off my Twankey at the Willesden Empire this year. So it was with some dismay that I discovered there wasn't a single parking space to be had on the entire East Cliff. Even the double yellows had been colonised.

Now I know it's become rather trendy and upwardly mobile around here, and that consequently parking is at a premium. But imagine my dismay when the penny finally dropped that it was the opening night of the Ramsgate Operatic Society's production of HMS Pinafore at our deluxe Granville Theatre and Cinem, and that an invitation to the East Cliff's most prominent celebrity (moi) had been, er, overlooked.

Oh well. I was never much of a fan of Gilbert O'Sullivan anyway.

Ramsgate Makes A Spectacle Of Itself

My new ophthamologist, Mr R. de Cock, has recommended these little beauties. Wire framed, too, so they're not so prone to spontaneous combustion as the plastic Ben Sherman Margates.

Casting the old glass eye around the doc's reception as I was waiting to see the great man, I spied a filing cabinet labelled 'R. de Cock Letters'. Now I know where all those spam emails promising me a 'lighthouse in an open sea' are coming from!

Yellow Streak

I've received an email from GOD. Well, that's how it's signed.

Actually it's from First Ramsgate Firster Gerry O'Donnell, who's rather worked up about the Eastcliff Residents' Association's objections to the new colour scheme he's implemented as part of his tenureship of Ronnie Corbett's teeny-tiny kiosk, here on the East Cliff. My photo shows the kiosk before it was, er, defaced. The white bit at the bottom is now a fetching shade of canary yellow. Gerry writes in his 'godcast':

It appears thousands of people have complained at this desecration. Though to date, none as yet, have been willing to put their names to these complaints. ERA it seems knows who they are and quite rightly refuses to tell O'Donnell, an ERA member, of them.

O'Donnell's excuse is that the kiosk is a holiday and visitor ice cream parlour and needs to 'attract' custom.

It is time this troublemaker was shown the door.

Come on Eastcliff Richard, you've got the rope, let's show this criminal what we think of him.

Late news. O'Donnell is planning to erect huge signs, forty feet high stating "Kiosk OPEN" to catch the passing landing aircraft.

He must be stopped. NOW-W-W-W-W-W

GOD

God desecrating his own works, eh? Now I wonder what the theologians would make of that!

Here's Johnny!

Holy tamoly! I see Jonathan Aitken, bog-eyed perjurer and disgraced former Tory MP for Thanet South, is to make a political comeback. Apparently he's going to be applying his sword of truth to the penal system on behalf of the blue rinsers. Why not go the whole hog and ship Jeffrey Archer and Cecil Parkinson back in?

Which reminds me of a story one of my old news chums told me once. He was covering a visit by the Mad Bat to the Welsh Valleys in the 80s, just after Cecil's philanderings had hit the papers. The usual SWP demonstrators were there, shouting their habitual 'Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, Out! Out! Out!' which they alternated with 'Kinnock, Kinnock, Kinnock, In! In! In!' Then one bright spark hit upon a variation.

It wasn't long before the entire crowd, onlookers and journos included, were chanting: 'Cecil! Cecil! Cecil! In Out! In Out! In Out!'

Thanet Loopy

Remember my trip on the buses a couple of months ago? Reader Jane has written in to report a similar experience:

The other night I heard a commotion outside the house. When I looked out of my bedroom window, yet another Thanet Loop bus had got itself stuck up the back streets behind Victoria Parade. The problem seems to be temporary drivers seconded from other areas, who, not knowing Ramsgate, turn prematurely before Victoria Road. The sign on Victoria Parade is slightly misleading and if you didn't know the area you might think it points up D'Este Road.

I had plenty of time to get my camera, so appropriately enough I turned the photos into this loop. Now I know how my car got mysteriously damaged a few months ago!

Well Jane, I'm not sure if we can put all criminal damage in the area down to the Thanet Loop, but clearer signs might be a good idea. Turn very tight, please!