Great Wall Comes Tumbling Down

Or, to purloin another musical metaphor, Hey Jude!

Well, only one tile went missing from the roof here at the old cliff top mansion during the Great Storm Of 2013, which I regard as a bit of a result. But a tour of the Millionaires' Playground in the Toyota Priapus this morning revealed that GO'D's own Great Wall failed to make it though the night, leaving the Pleasurama Eyesore looking more like The Great Hairy Mound Of Ramsgate.

A team of crack Cardy-ologists are already on the scene, making good with the wood, so hopefully the winner of the All-Comers Badly Painted Krankies Lookalikes Competition 2011 will be back in its rightful upright position soon!

I suspect a few other nosey bloggers have taken the opportunity to wander around the open site, checking the foundations of cliff walls etc, you'll probably be hearing from them shortly.

Meanwhile, around town, there seemed to be little damage apart from the odd fallen branch. Oh, and the beach appears to be in the process of reclaiming our lovely, but deserted, port!

The Average Wall Of Ramsgate

Flaming eyesores! The Great Wall of Ramsgate seems to have gone the same way as TransEuropa Ferries!

Has G O'D smitten (smited?) the graffitied artworks down in a fit of pique? Has Tiny Terry Painter peevishly removed them because the people of Ramsgate have had the audacity to rise up and thwart his plans to blight our lovely seafront with concrete sticks? Or have the developers, SFP, done the decent thing, fallen on their Swiss sword, and de-rigged them in preparation for the removal of the hoarding and landscaping the site as a park? (I think you've overdone it on the Tramadol again - Ed.)

Whatever the reason, isn't it about time someone organised a Swampy-style, tunnel-building, Occupy eco-war and reclaimed the site for us Ramsgatonians??? To the yurts everyone!!!!!

Goodness Gracious, Great Walls Of Mire!

Pootling around the interwhatsit just now, I thought I'd cop a butcher's at the Great Wall of Ramsgate website. The Great Wall is, if you remember, GO'D's project to get the Pleasurama/Royal Sands eyesore hoarding plastered. In paintings.

So far there ain't much to see, apart from the above Photoshop mock-up. Can anyone spot the deliberate error?

Ramsgate To Get Bayeux Tapestry

As my picture shows, the local youth have already discovered the new hoarding around the old hoarding on the Royal Sands (aka Pleasurama aka Titanic) eyesore here in the Millionaires' Playground.

Now comes a circular from Ramsgate Firster and not so teeny-tiny councillor Gerry O'Donnell saying he's got permission from the site's (extraordinarily slow) developer SFP Ventures and their contractor Cardy to 'paint murals' on it. Gerry witters: 'I have agreed that Ramsgate Town Council should take some overview leadership to ensure that the artwork is of the highest standard achievable in all circumstances'. Hurrah! Let's re-animate Van Gogh!

Er, not quite, as Family Guy lookalike G'OD's missive concludes: 'There should be an element of continuity to underline that we are a community - think Bayeux Tapestry.'

Oh, right you are Gerry. Bayeux Tapestry eh? Hmmm. I'm thinking. I'm thinking bows, arrows, Norman invasion. I know! Seeing as it's not unknown for the locals to stand on the cliff top flicking what I believe are called 'vickies' at the cliffs of France on a clear summer's day, how about this?

Update: I've now put in a request for funding to set up mypleasuramahoarding.com, along the lines of the famous mydavidcameron.com. To get the ball rolling, leave your suggestions below and I'll see what I can do!

Finger In The Dyke?

Regular contributor Mr Dickens of Broadstairs writes:

Your recent picture of the Major Domo of Ramsgate in waiting reminded me of one of my favourite esoteric websites - menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com.

I think he could qualify as a mature rug muncher. Do we have any more Thanet celebrities who might make the grade?

PS: You really must stop your middle class jibes about Broadstairs. I would go on longer but I have to put Flavia and Hugo to bed, varnish the Morris Traveller, compose a Haiku for the Broadie, and still catch the last part of Tess of the D'Urbivilles (volume down whilst I read from the original Hardy).

Click here to visit Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

Ramsgate Front Page News

As is only appropriate for the island's premier town, the Millionaires' Playground has been splashed on the front pages of two of the local tabloids in the past 24 hours!

First Ramsgate Firster Gerry O'Donnell, aka Family Guy, adorns the front of the Thanet Times, looking for all the world like the man who is going to cost us all half a million smackeroonies, that being the amount touted for running Ramsgate's new teeny-tiny council which is being set up next year. Hmmm. Not sure whether Our Jezza will be too happy with that!

And the excellent yourfannit (available free in the corner of all your favourite local stores, usually behind the twelve boxes of Haribo etc.) tells the tale of another prominent Ramsgatonian, Tim Garbutt, who has apparently spent time in the clink after a rather bizarre argument over his company's name, and a refusal to pay court costs. Tim's wife runs the world famous Surin Thai restaurant on Harbour Street. Who knows, now that he's got a taste for it, perhaps they'll be putting porridge on the menu!

Click here to read Ramsgate Town Council story in Thanet Times
Click here to read Tim Garbutt story in yourfannitinnit

News From The Front

Gerry O'Donnell aka Family Guy, the People First parliamentary candidate for South Thanet, has put finger to keyboard to whizz me a missive concerning the parlous state of our cliff lift here in the trendy part of the Ile's premier town.

Our teeny-tiny council/kiosk gauleiter has apparently been having a run-in with TDC over the on/off status of the up/down device, culminating in the following fulmination to the Uranians:

The continuous breaking down of this lift, particularly over the most important Bank Holiday weekends, summer months and in particular, during the various weeks in which international events have been staged is unacceptable. I would add scandalous.

Ramsgate has suffered enough from TDC's ineptitude and dereliction of its duty towards the good people of Ramsgate. TDC's attitude to any of Ramsgate's seaside attractions and facilities is and has been that 'if it needs fixing, close and demolish it'.

The lift should be working at all times, throughout the year, from 8am to 6pm in winter, longer in summer, as an essential utility/facility for the rate-payers of Ramsgate. I know that TDC doesn't give a fig for the disabled but a working lift on both cliffs would, in properly run districts, be considered essential for their inclusion in all of the town's beachside amenities.

I do not believe that vandals are to blame for any significant damage to the lift. I think it is poor maintenance flowing from poor and parsimonious management.

Clearly our Jezza is that steamed up he could crush a grape! He's got a point, though, as the following newsreel from ECR TV demonstrates:

Separated At Birth?

Regular contributor Samantha writes:

I wonder if anyone else has spotted the similarity between our campaigning candidate for Thanet South, Gerry O'Donnell, and the popular cartoon character Family Guy? Are they by any chance related?

Cartoon character

Ramsgate campaigner

As a bonus, Samantha, I found this epic sequence on BoobTube of our Jezza battling a giant cock through the streets of Thanet. Watch out for a cameo appearance by our local, banner tugging Tory councillor!

Man Picks Up Dog And Gets Ear Chewed Off

Lorks! If this email from Ramsgate Firster Gerry O'Donnell is anything to go by, it seems he sent lovely Gazunder editor Rebecca Smith away with a flea in her proverbial after a phone moan about him giving rival paper yourfannitinnit the exclusive on his parliamentary bid:

Rebecca,

Thank you for your 'phone call. I gave exclusivity to Your Thanet over this and another story because they have played fair with Ramsgate First. I do not believe that we have had a fair shake with the Gazette or Times.

We do not ask for nor expect favours, nor do we expect to have letters published. But over the past year I got the message loud and clear from you that we would struggle for any kind of fair treatment from the G & T. The general mood in Ramsgate is that G & T is not really interested in us. You may demur, but that is the word on the street. I have no doubt that this exchange will appear in Smudger as 'Gerry O'Donnell screams blue murder at the Gazette.' But that is what we have come to expect. Fiction.

I wish you and the Conswervatives well which is more that I expect you wish us.

Gerry

Thems fighting words, Gerry! Yee-ha! Break out your voting irons, it's time for some campaignin'! (And keep your minces peeled for my small cameo at the end!):

Gerry Has Eyes On Ladyman's Seat

Cripes! I see Ramsgate Firster Gerry O'Donnell has declared himself in the running as MP for Thanet South at the next general election! In an exclusive interview with yourfannit, Gerry says: 'It's important to raise the level of political debate here and get people talking about the issues which affect us.' Mr O'Ramsgate will be up against incumbent Labour MP Dr Ladyboy, and Tory babe Laura Sandys.

Quite why Gerry chose to break the news exclusively to yourfannit and not the more established Isle of Thanet Gazunder could be explained by an email I received from him recently in which he opined that the Gazunder's editor, the lovely Rebecca Smith, is 'anti-Ramsgate' and 'not up to the job'!

Click here to read full story in yourfannit

Yellow Streak

I've received an email from GOD. Well, that's how it's signed.

Actually it's from First Ramsgate Firster Gerry O'Donnell, who's rather worked up about the Eastcliff Residents' Association's objections to the new colour scheme he's implemented as part of his tenureship of Ronnie Corbett's teeny-tiny kiosk, here on the East Cliff. My photo shows the kiosk before it was, er, defaced. The white bit at the bottom is now a fetching shade of canary yellow. Gerry writes in his 'godcast':

It appears thousands of people have complained at this desecration. Though to date, none as yet, have been willing to put their names to these complaints. ERA it seems knows who they are and quite rightly refuses to tell O'Donnell, an ERA member, of them.

O'Donnell's excuse is that the kiosk is a holiday and visitor ice cream parlour and needs to 'attract' custom.

It is time this troublemaker was shown the door.

Come on Eastcliff Richard, you've got the rope, let's show this criminal what we think of him.

Late news. O'Donnell is planning to erect huge signs, forty feet high stating "Kiosk OPEN" to catch the passing landing aircraft.

He must be stopped. NOW-W-W-W-W-W

GOD

God desecrating his own works, eh? Now I wonder what the theologians would make of that!