500 Local Jobs And A Visitor Centre? Oops!

Happy Paddy's Day! Er, that's actually got nothing to do with the next bit.

No, it's back to Thanet Earth with a bump. There's my old TV chum John Craven up there when he visited the 38m hectare greenhouse while it was under construction. Remember when this one slipped under the planning radar as an 'agricultural' (as opposed to industrial) development, we were promised 500 local jobs and a visitor centre? Well, as I exclusively revealed last week the visitor centre's on hold and the Ramsgate staffing agency detailed to hand out all those local jobs has shut.

Now intrepid yourfannitinnit reporter Tom Betts has followed up my scoop with a front page splash today on the types of people employed at the conservatory on the patio of the garden of England. And the best they could come up with? The majority of the 83 people working for the marketing department are British. Not Thanetian. British. Of the other 350 or so working there at any one time, it's a mix of Polish, Estonian, Hungarian, Latvian, Slovakian, Lithuanian, Nigerian, Dutch and British.

My point here is not to reignite the recent argy-bargy about foreign workers. Apart from the light pollution, some queries over the water table, the fact that none of their produce actually touches Thanet earth and, er, the light pollution, I'm actually rather in favour of the place. And despite describing their tomatoes as 'watery pip bags' a while back, I'm currently munching my way through a delicious pack of their 'sunstream' red 'uns. Good luck to the lads and lasses of whatever nationality who work there I say! As Thanet Earth point out: 'To clarify a frequent misunderstanding, we wish to make clear that it would be unlawful for any of the employer-companies at Thanet Earth to discriminate either positively or negatively on grounds of nationality, just as it would be unlawful for us to do so on grounds of race, gender, age, religion or belief, sexual orientation or disability.'

No, my argument is with our beloved council who, whenever someone applies for planning permission to dig up our lovely island soil to plonk a whopping great load of sheds on it, cry 'Jobs!' 'There are so many unemployed in Thanet,' they whine, 'that we should be bending over forwards to accommodate these nice people who are going to bring us all these lovely, lovely jobs'. Bull. It's a promise they simply can't make. Maybe some locals were employed fitting the office carpets. And some slum landlords will have rented out their hovels to the poor eastern European lads. A few shop keepers might benefit. But Thanet jobs for Thanet people? Pull the other one, it's got bell peppers on it!

Click here to read full story in yourfannitinnit

Euroferries Launch Video

Given the rather on/off, will it/won't it nature of the much-trumpeted fast ferry service between Ramsgate and Boulogne, I thought it might help move things along if I applied my indubitable directing skills to making a promotional film for Euroferries.

In the last 24 hours we've learnt that the vessel Euroferries is chartering from Fred Olsen, the Bonanza Express, has been slated to come to Boulogne, the UK, another port in Tenerife, yet another port in Tenerife, been painted in Euroferries colours, blah blah de-diddly blah.

Any-old-how, given that I'm mildly incapacitated and mostly indolent, I emailed my old factotum Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) a few bits and bobs at the school of plumbing in Turda where he's currently working, and this is what he's come up with. Not sure it's quite the thing, but what do you think?

Mrs Tara Plumbing To The Rescue!

With Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) currently off on a ten day 'friendship' cruise with Mrs Eastcliff (relation) (formerly Mrs Ceaucescu (no relation)), I'm short of a factotum here at the old cliff top mansion. So when a leak developed in the west wing plumbing yesterday I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do.

But then I had a flash of inspiration! Why not call fellow Thanet blogger Mrs Tara Plumbing? Quick as a wink I was on the old telling bone, and a very friendly and efficient lady called Deborah (would that be Mrs TP herself?) said they could probably come round in the afternoon, but she'd have to call me back to confirm. Which, unlike just about every other plumbing service I've ever used, she did. Not only that, but the plumber chap himself phoned half an hour before he arrived to say that he'd be arriving in, er, half an hour. At which point he proceeded to jiggle with my plumbing to maximum effect. Hurrah for Mrs TP!

Click here to visit Mrs TP's blog

Normal Service Has Been Resumed

My thanks to Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) for steadfastly holding the fort while I was away getting hitched to the lovely Mrs Ceaucescu (no relation) at the Elvis Wedding Chapel, Las Vegas.

I suppose I must now refer to her as Mrs Eastcliff (relation), although I'm none too sure about the legalities, and she still seems to prefer the company of Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) when it comes to staying out all night clubbing. Still, it'll make a lovely, exclusive spread in What Ho! magazine!

Local Millionaire To Wed Entertainer

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Society Editor F.T. Balls

Thanet's best known celebrity millionaire Richard Eastcliff said today that he was 'euphoric' following the acceptance of a marriage proposal by Mrs Ceaucescu (no relation), his Romanian housekeeper. Mr Eastcliff, 29, revealed he had popped the question in the back of a Bentley belonging to showbiz pal Harry Hill at the weekend over a takeaway fish and chip supper.

Mrs Ceaucescu (no relation), 19, was formerly one half of the internationally renowned dancing duo the Titty Girls, and has performed in many local clubs as well as Neasden's famous Rhino Revue Bar since her arrival in the UK in 2006.

Mr Eastcliff, who was previously engaged to Thanet estate agent Frances Oapen, told What Ho! magazine that a date had not yet been set for the wedding, or for his fiancee's divorce from her current husband Mr Ceaucescu (no relation). He added: 'We were euphoric afterwards, and once we'd dropped Harry off at his North London apartment we went for a celebratory kebab. I couldn't ask for things to have gone any better than they did.'

Mr Eastcliff is 29.

Ahoy!

As they say in the Czech Republic. And, er, Ramsgate Marina. Yes, I'm back on Terra Britannica! And after four days celebrating with the Moravians, I've got a hangover that's going to outlast religion.

Thanks for all your kind comments, emails and tip-offs while I was away. As soon as I'm feeling a bit less squiffy, I'll be back blogging like a good 'un. Now, where are those Neurofens?

Hunsatisfactory Service

Well I finally arrived in Uherske Hradiste for the wedding. No thanks to Deutsche Bahn. Quite why I was persuaded to take the train, rather than my Lear jet, lord knows. Oh yes, that's right, I had to flog the Lear due to a temporary financial, er, hiccup.

Anyone who complains about the railways in Blighty should try German and Czech chuffers. Talk about ein koch-up! Wrong trains arriving at the right platform. Right trains arriving at the wrong platform. And my luxury compartment with ensuite for the Brussels-Berlin overnight didn't arrive at all! So I was accommodated in a wardrobe that would have made Tom Thumb claustrophobic. And instead of a shower and WC, there was a washbasin which would have given a finger bowl delusions of Olympic swimming pool grandeur. You'll be pleased to hear, though, that even given these restraints I did not resort to the English manner of relieving myself when nature called at 4am.

My previously shiny opinion of German railway efficiency must have been gleaned from documentaries about the pre-war period, when that twat with the toothbrush 'tache was in charge, and everything ran like clockwork. Not that the Czech railways are any better. Chock full, slow and filthy. Even their shiny, new, super-duper Italian Pendolinos were delivered with a software fault which means they have to stop at every other station for a CD upload. Not for nothing does Fiat stand for Fix It Again Tony.

Never mind, the hotel's very, um, hygienic...

And it's been snowing!

Eastcliff Goes East

Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) has invited me to his sister's wedding. She's getting hitched to a Czech chap, so I'm just about to board the Eurostar at St. Pancreas, then onto a sleeper in Brussels for the trip to Prahaha! Of course, I'll send you all a postcard. Pip pip!

Could Do With A Bit More Polish

Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) has been moonlighting. And I don't mean making money with the mastic.

Trawling through BoobTube earlier today, I came across a short commercial he's made for that new East European deli on the high street. It isn't one of his finest pieces of work, I'm afraid. Not so much an advert as a badvert. See what you think:

Naval Gazing

Yes, I picked a good day to be watching the ships go by from my study here on Ramsgate's East Cliff, what with 1800 jobs going at the Beeb, and my old ITV chums Ant and Dec getting it in the neck for fleecing the viewing public with their mechanical pig.

Unfortunately it does mean, however, that my own proposal for a prime time comeback, Dickie's Big Dosh Dial-Up, will have to be put on hold for a bit. Shame, really. Only today Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) emailed me to say he was putting the finishing touches on the studio at his uncle's cowshed just outside Plovdiv.