Any Portland In A Storm?

Word on the nautical grapevine (or scuttlebutt as it's known in maritime circles) is that a well known fast ferry company that can't be named for legal reasons (and can't provide a service from Ramsgate either, despite many promises), is sniffing around Portland Harbour near Weymouth.

Portland describes itself as 'the UK's newest commercial port', boasting the second largest man made harbour in the world, and a quick whizz around its website shows that a huge amount of investment has been made recently. Certainly there don't appear to be any holes that a boat hoist could fall down!

My guess is that it would be in the right place for services to the Channel Islands and St Malo. If they can find a boat this time, that is!

Quay Hole Surgery

Holy harbours! The salty seamen down in our lovely naval basin tell me that this hole, which has hastily been covered up with a metal Band-Aid, was caused by the boat hoist going through the tarmac! Here's the boat hoist:

The idea is it picks your floating gin palace up out of the water, and then drives it to the quay on the right where you can scrub the barnacles off your poop deck at your leisure.

Apparently it went in right up to its, er, ankles. But fortunately it wasn't carrying my £250K Sunseeker, or anybody else's, at the time.

It just goes to show what a parlous state the Cecil Square Duffers have allowed Ramsgate's Royal Harbour to get into. No wonder the marina lost one of its coveted Golden Anchors earlier this year.

Our beloved council have now fessed up, and the island's hacks were apparently invited down there to gawp today. According to my matelot mates, as part of the council's proposed groovy new staff structure at Maritime Services, there won't even be a full time engineer down there in future. I presume that's something the local scribblers weren't told!

Something For The Petty File

Reader Bill has sent me this photo with the comment: 'Given everything we read in the News of the World, I'm glad there's a picture of a dog there, just to make things clear'. Quite.

How Many Councillors Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

More than 16, it would seem, if this photo I was sent is anything to go by. It's from the interior of Ramsgate's teeny-tiny council HQ at the new Old Custom House, where only three bulbs on these magnificent chandeliers appear to be working.

I know some councillors can barely make it to the full 40 watts on their own account, but you'd think they'd want their brand new building to look a bit flasher than this! If they're bent on saving dosh and going Green (Geddit!?!???!) then they could invest in some of those energy saving bulbs that go on until the last trump and cost 3p a year to illuminate.

What with this and the lights out on the East Pier, it's all a sad cry from the days when the Millionaires' Playground prided itself on its illuminations. As we saw recently from our local biblio-bloke's blog, a mere 60 years ago our Mayor was proudly switching on 25,000 coloured lamps and expressing the hope that Ramsgate might become the Blackpool of the south, or that in future Blackpool might be known as the Ramsgate of the north.

I suppose these days the boast would be we're the black hole of Thanet!

Night Flight Blight Back

Yikes! I see The Duffers have put all-night knackered old jumbos on the agenda again! The council's Airport Working Party is set to meet on the 19th, and one of the items for discussion is 'Night Time Flying Policy' (aka the Stanstedification of Ramsgate and Herne Bay).

Meanwhile, I've been doing some background research on the new boss of RAF Chas 'n' Dave Manston Margate International. Infratil's new wunderkind, Charles Buchanan, used to be variously Head of Business Development ('Sales' in old money), Director of Strategy ('Thinking') and Director of Communications ('Bullshit') at London City Airport, before disappearing for a while and then turning up at Manston.

Charlie boy was put in the firing line by his bosses when London City applied to expand, and was described as 'the smug toad who sat crossed armed laughing and smiling at protesters and residents.' Ooh look, there's more here:

Such was the anger he instilled that people actually shouted at the speaker to ask him to stop his smug, smarmy little smirks. Such was people's ire after watching his actions at the planning meeting, we were inundated by upset people offering help and assistance.

Looks like Infartil have hired a right Charlie!

Click here to sign the NO NIGHT FLIGHTS! petition

A Word From Our Sponsor

For nigh on five years now, Thanet's Premier Blog has been bringing you all the news that's unfit to print, uncluttered by advertising or the need to plug some product, service or political doctrine.

Which means you haven't had to miss a single goal (ITV), or had useless tut from B&Q rammed down your throat just when you were about find out how to build a nuclear submarine (Quest).

But times are tough. Even for (Columbian Peso) millionaires like me. Yes, it's sad to say, dear reader, but I was recently reduced to buying a case of Shampagne from Aldi, steaming off the labels and replacing them with ones I'd photocopied from my last bottle of Krug. Shameful, I know, but after the tenth bottle nobody really noticed.

Where I work, in TV land, belts are being tightened. Top executives are seeing their pay slashed by up to 25%, leaving them with a meagre £400K-£500K a year to scrape by on. Nobody can afford to keep a Georgian town house in Chelsea and a villa in Tuscany on that sort of money.

So after much consideration I've persuaded the board of Eastcliff Richard (Virgin Islands) (2005) Ltd to allow some tasteful sponsorship. You won't be confronted by the kind of Googlesplatter you see on some of the more tawdry Thanet blogs. Just the occasional ad for useful things, carefully selected and road-tested by yours truly.

My first sponsor is IsleOne, a splendidly informative and superbly designed website chock full of luvvly Fannit fings, brought to you by top webmeisters freshfishdesign. I urge you all to pay a visit.

And if you'd like your name in front of thousands of readers a week, other slots are available. All it costs is less than a bottle of decent fizz a month, stuffed in cash into the customary brarn envelope, and deposited at an address of my choosing. Just email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

Silly Cnut

Lumme! Have those wacky Top Gear types been up to their madcap larks again? Have they been filming another of their hugely entertaining and not at all formulaic 'challenges', this time driving a Mercedes estate from Broadstairs to Belgium without using a road?

No. In fact this chap reversed into the sea yesterday to get his boat out and got stuck. Then the tide came in. As it inevitably does. That's going to take a bit of, er, valeting.

Thanks to reader George for the footage.

East Of The Wantsum

Here's today's EotW. As ever, click it to big it.

It's anyone's guess which page it'll appear on in our local blue top from week to week. Today it was under Countdown to Turner, my old journalist chum John Kampfner's column, writing in his guise as chairman of the Turnip Centre trustees.

I'm sure John won't mind me saying (as he probably didn't write it, but only put his name to it) that I've never read so much fantasy guff in my life. If his column is to be believed, Margate is about to be transformed into some kind of Willy Wonka wonderland, where the streets will be paved with Saatchi gold, and fifty pound notes will spew from the top of the Turner Contemporary every day for the 'ickle Margit chilren to collect. And not a mention of any destination south of Westwood Cross.

You can read it all on the excellent Margate Architecture blog, where it's been scanned and reproduced, along with, as it happens, East of the Wantsum. I don't recall giving my permission for that!

Meanwhile John Kampfner has rather more reason to celebrate in his capacity as CEO of Index on Censorship, part of the campaign group that has been fighting our archaic and draconian libel laws. The ConDems announced today that they will review our ridiculous statutes, which have made us the laughing stock of the world, and London the centre of international libel tourism.

So, if all goes well, in a couple of years time, I may be able to tell you what really happened with Euroferries!

Golfing News

Lilliputian laughtermaker Ronnie Corbett will be opening the new clubhouse at Stonelees Golf Centre on Sunday. Here he tells the Isle of Thanet Gazunder about his Margate memories...

Thank you, thank you. Now when the Editor asked me to, you know, write something for this, for this newspaper, I remember it well, because we were having a drink at the time. And that's a very unusual thing. You know, for him to buy me, or indeed anyone, a drink. So I remember it quite vividly. 'Ron,' he said, 'Ron,' he always calls me Ron. Well, no, it's an interesting theory of his. He reckons that 'Ronnie' is too big a name for such a small person. No, he does. The fact that he's only 4 foot 2 and likes to be known by his friends as Aloysius doesn't seem to strike him as at all, you know, hypocritical. Anyway, anyway, to get back to the story. 'Ron,' he said, 'Ron, I'm editing this newspaper, and, you know, I'd like to give the little guys a chance to contribute. You're quite little, and you're opening this clubhouse, I think you'd be the ideal person to write our golfing column.' He's a bit of a charmer, you see, and, no, no actually, actually I was quite touched. And I had had several G and Ts at the time. So, no, no, to get back to the story, this man walks into a shop...

[That's enough golfing news - Ed]

Back To The Future

Mooching through some of the Thanet films my old factotum Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) used to throw together in between masticating in the ensuite, it struck me how much improved Margate Harbour Arm is these days.

Only three years ago it was derelict and vandalised, as this grab from Margate - The Last Resort demonstrates:

Mooching along the East Pier in our lovely Ramsgate Royal Harbour the other day, it struck me how derelict and vandalised it is these days, as this photo demonstrates:

Only three years ago, these lights were a twinkly feature of the harbour after dusk. Now the pier's dark of an evening, and you'd be lucky to find a single light that hasn't been knackerated.

Of course, the council will blame the scallywags.

Of course, I will blame the council for not installing vandal proof lighting in the first place.

And the moral of this tale? Well, despite being unsurpassed at playing with their spheres while Thanet burns, it would appear that the Cecil Square duffers can only cope with juggling one ball at a time. Find a grant, do it up, let it rot. Find a grant, do it up, let it rot. No wonder I'm getting a horrible feeling of deja vu!

Pier Group Pressure

Reader Tom writes:

Hi ECR. I saw an article in the Telegraph yesterday about how they've just spent £51m restoring the pier in Weston-super-Mare after it burnt down in 2008. Apparently it's got brand new attractions like a laser maze, a 4D cinema and an aerial assault course.

Contrast that with the Dreamland roller coaster burning down in 2008 leaving Margate with a car park, and the possibility of a few bob being spent by 2012 on some old rides that nobody under 60 will touch with a barge pole. Why Weston managed to attract the money for this lord knows.

Keep up the good work. Tom.

Well, er, thanks for that Tom. And really, having read the piece I'm still none the wiser as to where Weston-super-Mare (Weston-super-Mud in old money) got the moolah.

Speaking of wise spending, reader Brian has sent me his idea for Tory Cllr Wise's ten grand plan to repaint the lighthouse on the end of Margate Harbour Arm (Pier in old money). Brian says it's based on the official flag of Fannit and would be a fitting tribute to an upstanding member!

High Street Blues

Holy high streets! Has anyone else noticed the number of shops and restaurants that have closed in the past few weeks?

Two shops and a restaurant gone in Margate old town, a shop and a restaurant down and out in Ramsgate. Even Canterbury with its gazillions of tourists was looking a bit shabby last time I visited. I went there especially to shop at Gap, but they'd long scarpered, leaving a different kind of gap.

Still, at least petrol's six pence a litre cheaper in Canterbury, for those of you who are still reliant on gas guzzlers. That's because Tesco, who seem hellbent on treating the island as their own personal fiefdom, have a monopoly on 'cheap' petrol here in Thanet and can therefore make it as, er, expensive as our distorted local market can stand. Anyone for Asda at Arlington House?

Tesco invades Denmark:

Bum And Bummer

Phwoar! I see Ramsgate's prude-defying hairdresser Marcello has, er, turned the other cheek!

If you recall, the top tonseurist caused a nationwide stir recently with a controversial erection featuring his lovely Cuban wife's booby bits. Now he's flipped her over and chucked up her backside!

The new look is featured in today's Daily Star Sunday (click on pic for full story). It's bound to get the old duffers at our beloved council all hot under the collar again!

Ramsgate Man Chuffed Off With Hornby

By Isle of Thanet Gazunder Tourism Editor Sandy Gusset

A Ramsgate man has claimed his idea for a Hornby Museum on the isle has been stolen - by Hornby!

The Margate manufacturer opened its doors to visitors this weekend, with millions expected to marvel at the Scalextric cars, Airfix models and toy trains on display.

Now Thanet millionaire and socialite Richard Eastcliff, 29, says he wrote to the firm last year suggesting a Hornby visitor attraction in Ramsgate's former Motor Museum.

'I told their marketing manager it would be a fantastic addition to the island's range of indoor tourism offerings,' said Mr Eastcliff. He added he had even suggested a name - Hornbyland.

Mr Eastcliff says he is now working on an alternative attraction for the disused West Cliff Hall called ThanetWorld. 'It will be an intriguing tribute to Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula,' he said. 'We hope to attract thousands of visitors a week with our displays of hair straightening products, double glazing and bad tattoos.'

Hornby was unavailable for comment.

Richard Eastcliff is 29.

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's EotW (click it to big it).

I'm dedicating it to the memory of my chum Mr Dickens of Broadstairs, who was prematurely taken from us in a tragic accident earlier this week. He was a regular contributor and commentator on this blog, with a devilish sense of humour and a particular way of pricking the pomposity of the puffed up and pointless politicians we suffer from on our septic isle. Mr D of B, you will be sorely missed.

Ramsgate To Get Jamie Oliver Treatment

I'm not talking here about the recent handbags at dawn between Sainsbury's favourite chef and the ConDem Health Minister, Andrew Lansley.

No, it appears that Jamie Oliver's TV production company Fresh One is making a Hotel Inspector style series for Five (Channel Five in old money). And their first target is a restaurant in Ramsgate!

They've imaginatively called the show The Restaurant Inspector. I think you get the idea. But if you haven't got the idea, the idea is that they take my old chum Fernando Peire to a restaurant, and he inspects it. Fernando, as the cognoscenti will know, is the boss of ever-booked sleb-haunt The Ivy, where I've spent many a happy hour listening to Kerry Katona howling into her pud on the other side of the room.

According to the Press Association, the hour-long programme, due to air this autumn, will see Fernando take on a yet un-named family-run restaurant in Ramsgate. Well, un-named until now, that is, as I can exclusively reveal that it's the excellent Alexandra Ristorante on Harbour Parade, where filming has been taking place over the past few months.

Well, what's the point of being a media luvvy if you can't not keep a secret?! Mwah!

Biggles Shot Down By Standards Committee

Word on the island grapevine is that Tory Cllr/Dr Moores has had his complaint against Labour Cllr/Sherriffof Nottingham turned down by the standards people. The complaint, regarding some kind of blog-related hissy fit between Thanet Council's two political heavyweights, had already been rejected once. Now it's been rejected again on appeal.

Quite how that affects Westgate-based, banner-tugging Dr Biggles' libel case against The Sherriff, lord knows. (I would have said 'law lord', but we don't have any of those these days, do we?) As previously reported, Cllr Nottingham has obtained the services of top London libel lawyers Carter Ruck to defend himself against cabinet member Dr M's accusations.

Oh well. At least the news is an excuse to use an amusing photo which was sent to me by top Thanetian author Iain Aitch!

Tesco Fiasco

I know this has already been covered on the excellent Margate Architecture blog, but I'm going to whip it out again and give it a good airing!

By now we all know that Tesco, who famously grab one of your sovs for every eight spent in this country, have their eyes on Arlington Square, up on the, er, even more deserted side of the Arsonists' Playground. On Monday night the Arlington House Residents' Association held a packed meeting to discuss Tesco's plans. Here's their press release:

The planning application from Freshwater (the site's owners) is expected in July. It will be to build a Tesco store, as big as the one in Manston. It's not a small store!

WHAT WILL THIS DO TO TOURISM IN MARGATE?

An overwhelming number of residents at the meeting last night wanted to know where all the traffic will go. The seafront of Margate will be just another M25 - as one person said - permanently impassable, so neighbouring residential areas will see a lot more cars along their streets in an effort to avoid the seafront.

By the way, some people seem to think that Tesco will pay to renovate the exterior of Arlington House. NO. Tesco will lease from Freshwater, who are the developers. Freshwater are responsible for the exterior of Arlington House and they lease the Arlington site from Thanet District Council on a 199 year lease for a peppercorn rent.

Arlington House looks as dreadful as it does because Freshwater has done nothing to the exterior in thirty or so years. Now Freshwater is basically asking the residents to pay for exterior and interior works, while Freshwater will make a mint from the long term lease it is giving to Tesco. Freshwater and Tesco are multinational, global conglomerates.

There's the very real possibility that visitors would arrive at the station, or drive to the Tesco parking lot, walk to the beach, visit Tesco for food and toilets, leave their debris on the beach and return home via the station - never to venture along the sea front towards Margate High Street or Old Town, or Cliftonville.

This will not unify Margate, but will exacerbate the geographical divisions that already exist. Connected? Good for tourism or business? We think not.

Please contact Residents Association chair Ron Greene on 07754 588193 for further comments, interview or photo opportunities.

Personally I think our beloved council will wet their proverbials at the thought of yet another Tesco superbarn on the island, so the chances of planning permission being rejected are slim, verging on the non-existent. For more information on how the Tesco monolith distorts local economies (ever wondered why you pay 6p a litre more for petrol in Thanet as opposed to Canterbury?), take a look at the Tescopoly website (tagline - Every Little Hurts!)

And just to put the record straight, I'm not one of those numbnuts who think Arlington House is a blot on the landscape. With a little TLC (rather than TDC) it could be a splendid icon for Margate. After all, 60s architecture is the new Victorian!

Great Wall Of Ramsgate - First Pic Of First Pic

Reader Jimmy writes:

Hi ECR. Thought you'd like a photo of the first artwork on Gerry O'Donnell's Great Wall of Ramsgate [Pleasurama Royal Sands Eyesore Hoarding in old money - Ed].

There seemed to be a lot of interest this afternoon following the press launch. Only another 1,000 feet to go!

Jimmy

Hmmm. Not yet the 'Bayeux Tapestry' we were promised, but it's early days. For the life of me I can't understand why GO'D hasn't contacted me to take up my excellent suggestions!

Ramsgate 2, WC 1

Being the swinging, bachelor type, I'm hopefully not going to have much use for Mamas and Papas which has just opened at our lovely Brownwater retail park in the centre of the isle.

Actually I thought they'd all choked to death on ham sandwiches in the 70s.

Er, but no. If baby stuff is your thang, Mamas and Papas have it all. Announcing their new Westwood Cross outlet they say: '(Our) fashion-packed credentials are second to none as stars from Hollywood to Hong Kong head for the store as soon as their pregnancy is announced.' Not bad for a chain that's based in that third fashionable 'H' - 'Uddersfield. They continue:

Closer to home, the wives and girlfriends of the UK’s famous sporting and media stars are spotted often at Mamas & Papas stores throughout the country. World Cup sweethearts have already been spotted snapping up ‘Star Dribbler’ rompers to cheer on their partners in the South African tournament!

Should go down a storm with the builders' WAGs from Boredstares then.

Closer to home, and as if to prove that Ramsgate is getting chi-chier by the minute, a high class gift emporium has opened in the Old Custom House (Custom House in old money) down on the front. While teeny-tiny (and not so teeny-tiny) Ramsgate Town Councillors ruminate over their paltry portfolios upstairs, visitors can grab an excellent latte or baguette downstairs, book a B&B at the visitor information centre and peruse Nice Things, which stocks gifty arts and crafts from Thanet and beyond.

Not only that, but if a job ad I just read in one of the local rags is to be believed, the Millionaires' Playground is about to get a Cornish Pasty Co emporium too! How much more like St Ives can it get!?!