Thursday, May 21, 2009

Election Fever

So far only the LibDems, UKIP and the British Nazi Party have poked their election literature through the letterbox here at the old CTM.

The similarity between what UKIP are flogging and the BNP's strident shite is striking. Whilst Nigel Farage's lot have gone for well-known former UKIP leader Winston Churchill on the front cover (whatever happened to that mahogany-stained ex-TV presenter who used to be in charge?), the white supremacists feature a cuddly, Anglo-Saxon family alongside a suitably sepia-ed Spitfire and the slogan 'The NEW Battle for Britain'. I have to say, in purely literal terms, the BNP's message is the more positive: 'YES to putting British People First', contrasted with UKIP's 'SAY NO to European Union'.

Meanwhile, the LibDems showcase a totally faceless gimp in a suit cosying up to a couple of unknown, middle-aged harridans dressed in what I like to refer to as 'Human Resources mufti'. All three are grinning like loons. Presumably this is the LibDems' idea of what the average British family looks like these days, viz one gay guy and his bull dyke flatmates. Typically, they have a less than catchy slogan: 'Britain and our neighbours - stronger together, poorer apart'.

So far nought from the Blue, Red or Green Rinsers. No doubt it's on its way. Of course, these guys are after our Eurovotes on 4 June, but here in the Cannes of Kent we have two other elections occurring simultaneously, namely county council and teeny-tiny council. I look forward to seeing what the Ramsgate First And Only candidate, Gerry O'Ramsgate, has to say. My only recollection of his policies is that he favours marked out parking spaces over residents' permits as a solution to the East Cliff's congested streets, on the basis that it would prevent confused and hormonal lady drivers from taking up too much room. Clearly going for the female vote there, eh Gerry!


Anonymous said...

The ones you show are for the European elections and come by post. My Tory one was addressed to me personally by that smooth David Cameron (that went straight in the bin along with all the other junk mail).

The local election ones will be delivered with love and care by local volunteers not your trusty postman so just keep an eye out for some footsore activists.

Anonymous said...

Has David Cameron ever met Ezekiel and Latchford? Perhaps he should while he's in a sacking mood.

James Maskell said...

UKIP's Mr Orange I recall launched the Veritas Political Party after he found he couldnt be top dog in UKIP. Its first and coincidentally last electoral test was the 2005 General Election, with humiliation for all involved. Mr Oranges interview on polling day when it all became obvious it was going wrong was one of the highlights of the TV coverage.

Anonymous said...

He now resides in a padded cell somewhere in Neasden.

Anonymous said...

Maggie Thatcher was thelast tory leader to meet with a senior Thanet tory cllr.

Cyril Hoser.

She explained patiently that monetarism is fundamentally about printing less money.

" 'ckin 'ell Mags yer tumbled me right off and nah mistayke. I'll concentrate just on the 'cking forged documents market den. Using Sericol prining ink technology naturally ... cos even Sericol human resources can't spot 'em. Why only recently dey employed me colleague tory cllr Jock the Steely eyed killer an dat as senior site services engineer. 'ucking result or do wot den PM"

Maggie moved swiftly on "Did you come in fancy dress Councillor urm Dolding is it ?"

"Nah nah nah wot it is like is double entendre and deja vu namely goota be ere meeting you den it's offski to Ramsgate Harbour pretending to be a Sheikh see."

Then Maggie moved on

"Oh it's so nice to see local police are here looking after us and who are you ?"

"Well do wot and a stalwart of local charity boxing doos I am DI Kenny and now the celebrated most investigated CID officer since the 'cking Domesday Book an dat innit ? I'll look after yer alright after all I bin looking after this lot for years an dat"

Maggie moves on

"And another police officer to look after us and who are you ?"

"Armed support and free enterprise Mags meaning I am on a private earner from some ex Army Cadet bloke running private cpmbat firearms techniques to paying Middle Eastern punters and even to British Nazis in preparation for their shift to the right to join you like Mags"

And Maggie moves on

"And who are you"

"Private enterprise in the locale Maggie. Thor Chemicals. But we don't live locally what with all the mecury and mixed solvents contaminating the aquifer. By the way are you enjoying your tea. WE bring our own brewed from water outside Thanet."

Eastcliff Richard said...

Crikey Rick - you've managed to sum it all up and make it funny too! That Eastcliff Richard correspondence course seems to be working!

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for Maggie to make her final "move on". I'll dance on the bitch's grave along with every ex-miner in the UK.

Laura said...

Thank goodness that the average person in Thanet doesn't have the silly delusions and false memories of all the pinkos who come on here.

Lady Thatcher's contribution to life in the British Isles was as significant of Churchill's.

She freed up the system and made people realise that if only they could shed their obsession with mining, steel working and manufacture of cars and other large things they could do all sorts of things. The sky is truly the limit.

To talk of tramping down the earth in her grave sickens me. It makes me more angry than the time when those evil anarchist put something on winston churchill's head and made him look like a punk. If I had seen the blighters I would have shot them.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1.26pm, presume you will be dancing on Scargill's grave as well seeing as he was equally responsible for your demise.

Laura said...

Yes, quite, frizzy haired filthy bolshie wasn't he? There was a time when scum like Scargill would have been flogged for peddling their jumped up ideas and causing dissatifaction among the common man. Even when I was a little girl, the workers would be proud of their work and happy with their bread and dripping. They also used to doff their caps in the streets when decent people passed.

The world has done wrong. It's political correctness gone mad. If we could close down all these silly new universities, like CCCC then maybe the working classes will be happy to go back to their work, as long as we can do it before they read many books and get too big for their boots.

Anonymous said...

For many, Churchill was a war-mongering drunk, but at least he provided leadership during the 1939-45 war.

Thatcher was simply an evil misguided ideologue, who ruined the lives of many British people, even turning the forces of the state (including MI5) on decent workers.

Many of her policies, so apparently "loved" at the time, are now derided and, in some cases, blamed for current troubles. Many economic commentators blame her "freedom" policies for what has gone so spectacularly wrong in the City.

May she rot in Hell.