Saturday, May 09, 2009

Ask Sister Assumpta

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week our holy mother of all agony aunts, Sister Assumpta, tackles your personal problems!

Dear Sister Assumpta, I am a politician who has recently been challenged for the leadership of my party. Wank. I give as good as I get, but this has happened on a number of occasions now and I'm flippin' cheesed off with it. Fuck tosser. Should I resign and retire to my yacht on the Med? S. (PS: The St Johns Wort you recommended for the Tourettes does not fuck seem to be working wank toss knackers. Pies.)

Sister Assumpta writes: Feck me ol boots yer gob's looser than a feckin towel rack! I've got a scrotum of a feckin headache on me after all that shite. For feck's sake say some Hail Marys before I gnaw me own feckin leg off.

Dear Sister Assumpta, I am a politician who has just been involved in a challenge to my party's leadership. Surprisingly, however, despite being defeated I now find myself in an elevated position. I suspect this may be due to my undoubted intellectual ability, along with my native wit and charm. Whilst I have no desire to sound immodest, I do chair several international conferences and am no stranger to No. 10. I presume my political cohorts have spotted these innate qualities in me and am therefore, on reflection, not at all surprised that I now find myself in an elevated position. S (Dr).

Sister Assumpta writes: Jaysus feckin Christ will yer not be botherin me with yer feckin shite? God I'm surprised the way yer carryin yer head's not like a feckin melted wheelie bin
!

Dear Sister Assumpta, I have just been elected the leader of my party. Should I celebrate with a new hair do? C.


Sister Assumpta writes: Sure you're a feckin eejit. Why would yer just be standin around with yer hand down yer kecks preenin yer clackers when you could be havin a good old pray? Now feck off before I get a pain in the flange!

That's enough Sister Assumpta - Ed.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

ECR theres nothing wrong with Clive's hair do!
Suppose Simon Moores thinks he can plot from within, think that is just wishful thinking on my part or generous words to a traitor!

Anonymous said...

Just been on Moores' blog and if i comment there he wont print it so sorry you have it here ECR whatever would a London journalist gain from speaking to SE about his vision for regeneration of Margate, the man has about as much vision as a blind man! What an impression he must give of Thanet, carpet salesman talk! Nothing will improve until we have a leader with credibility that's for sure!
What has he got over Moores and the rest of the cabinet they are like lap-dogs !

Richard Card said...

He just treats them like doormats.

But SE represents an improvement in the standard of Thanet tory.

Has he been convicted of dollar and document forgery and sitting on the cttee that writes off his own business rates ?

Has he dressed up as a Sheikh and toddled around Ramsgate Harbour ?

Has be been arrested for paramilitary activity ?

Or led a pseudo military cadet group which lost its KCC Youth Group affiliation status and public funding ?

Or been exposed as a liar at an Inquest by cross examination of HM Coroner ?

or been found guilty of libel in the High Court ?

Or led a local branch of a regimental assn required to stop using the local Royal British Legion Branch ?

Or obtained employment by deception?

Or used public office to identify witnesses and then seek to intimidate them to dissuade evidence ?

It is crocodile tears time in Thanet tories.

Sandy reacts to a "Jew do quip" from a man who was sworn both as a Justice and a Mayor to be loyal to the Queen ... but had that man discharged his sworn duty either as Justice or as Mayor ?

He should not have gone petition disrupting. He should have had a summary on the street whole heap of woparse there.

But overall Sandy is a vast improvement on his predecessors.

Anonymous said...

Tony

ECR Do you think that Steve Ladyman MP should resign from being the local president of the Royal British Legion after voting against the Gurkhas?

Its a bit like a vicar voting against christmas!

Anonymous said...

DR LADYMAN MP and President of local Royal British Legion votes against Gurhkas rights!


Should STEVE LADYMAN stand down as president of Royal British Legion? (read about it on page 35 of KENT ON SUNDAY- view online)

Anonymous said...

DR LADYMAN MP NEEDS TO BE KICKED OUT OF THE RBL for voting against the very people he was chosen to speak up for!

Lucy Mail said...

I think I'd have to agree with Reliably Mental Rick.
I'll try not to make a habit of it!

Anonymous said...

Oh who the hell gives a damn about the Gurkhas - REALLY?

Anonymous said...

3:06 PM
you would if your cowardly arse depended on it!

Anonymous said...

Dear Sister Assumpta,

When will we get the dirt on Ladyman and Gale's expenses?

Anonymous said...

Dear Sister Assumpta,

Now that we've got the full detail of MP's expenses, do you think we should get the same level of detail about Councillors (and officers') expenses. One imagines it is simply a case of asking for this information now that the Commissioner has ruled it to be in the public interest. Do you know how many requests have been submitted?

Anonymous said...

I heard a journo on the BBC this morning, saying that MP's had been fiddling their expenses because they were poorly paid. I'm happy to do the job for £68,000 a year and I promise not to fiddle any expenses. Presumably those MPs who are not happy with their remoneration will be leaving the House of Commons to earn greater sums elsewhere? I heard one coparing himself with a doctor. Sadly (for him), he isn't a doctor and so he isn't entitled to the same salary as a doctor. Why do the great and the good always compare themselves to the highest paid people they can think of? How come they don't compare themselves to teachers of nurses, who earn far less than £68,000?