Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Train Corridors Of Power

Photo: Michael's Bookshop

Regular contributor Mr Dickens of Broadstairs writes:

Good morning Dick,

Mrs Dickens of Broadstairs was taking the kids to London for a day trip this morning via Broadstairs station. Who should get on at Margate but Minister for Transport Lord Adonis, who is on a five day journey on the railways to experience travel from the punters' perspective.

His first unpleasant experience, familiar to us all, was being approached by an old nutter who started jabbering on to him about Manston airport. No problem with flights, planes come in over the sea, very little housing blighted etc. The old gipper carried on in this vein, saying that South Eastern railways were reluctant to put in a gateway station from Manston because of their franchise being rather short etc. The earbending continued until the geezer got off at Faversham (probably worried about ticket inspectors) and his Lordship could finally enjoy his latte in peace.

Fortunately the wizened earbender gave away his identity by leaving behind his rolled up copy of
Sporting Life with 'R Gale' scrawled in the top left hand corner. I thought they had a large building in London where this sort of thing gets discussed, not a public carriage for all to hear. Perhaps the signs saying 'No personal stereos', 'No feet on the seats' etc could also have an extra line, viz: 'No boomy-voiced local MPs pushing Manston'.

Your rail correspondent, The Fat Controller


Well Mr D of B, it seems Lord Absolutely-Gorgeous had his lughole well and truly chewed off there by Sir Rodge. Shame most of it was probably twaddle!

Lord lords it on the trains in The Times

13 comments:

West Cliff GB said...

Apparently a quick squirt of that popular 80's fragrance, Lord Aramis, behind the ears, is enough to disguise the smell of wee in a carriage. Did it work in this case?

shama said...

hang on a mo, the Sporting Life's been discontinued...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sporting_Life_(newspaper)

Anonymous said...

Well I guess they were lucky that Sandy was not there to.

He would have had his flick knife out and been carving his name into the headrests, or vandalising the disability toilet.

Sandy Ezekiel said...

That's not fucking fare. I happen to sufer from tosser fuck Tourettes and mild dislecksier therefour have a twat diserbilitty just like my m8 Rodger who is def from a war woond that's cunt why he fuck sharts.

Anonymous said...

The Sporting Life has been indeed discontinued which makes The old lunatic an even more tragic figure as he stalks the highways and byeways banging on about the airport with a four year old copy sticking out of his pocket.

I hope that his Lordship will not be put off Thanet by this unpleasant experience, and will come back soon by which time our local MPs medication will have been adjusted.

Anonymous said...

Curses, if it wasn't for Mrs D and her pesky kids I would have got away with it.

PS/ Lord Adonis has got to be the most inappropriately named Lord ever. look at his website he is an ugly bugger, and showed no interset in my witty stories in Pirate Radio.

Roger Gale.. oo er bugger I mean anonymous

Anonymous said...

is this story true or not?
or just a load of BS?

Anonymous said...

Absolutely true, apparently The Lord's sidekick took notes from the old buffer on the buffers, whilst his Lordship had the good sense to keep quiet.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lord of Lurv. If anybody were to tell you that the flights coming into Manston pass over the sea and don't disturb anyone they would be lying. No MP would be guilty of any such thing and so, this story must be a load of old t*sh.

Anonymous said...

Apparently Lord Lucan was in the seat behind.

Anonymous said...

According to Your Fannit today there is a lot of space craft activity over Kent.
Just wait for Manston to be put forward as a centre for studying aliens, even with space ships that travel in light years it is still too far from London . Roger Tiberius Gale will have to get the Parkway station put in first.

Eastcliff Richard said...

BS? If you bothered to follow the link to the Times story you'd see that the Gale/Adonis summit on the rattlers was pre-ordained!

Royston Robertson said...

Mr Dickens, you and your good lady should know that train journeys round these parts are often full of undesirables and are best approached with caution: http://bit.ly/SXGZF