Parking? Fine!

Finding myself short of folding ahead of my trip to the Baftas yesterday, I resorted to an old trick to raise a few sponds.

I shouldn't really be giving away trade secrets, but what the heck! There's money to be made, and why shouldn't I share my bounty with you? Donning my captain's cap and brass buttoned blazer, and armed with a notebook and digital camera, I made my way down to the Western Undercliff next to Port Ramsgate where the foreign lorries illegally park. There was a pretty good crop ready to be harvested:

Most of the drivers were dozing in their cabs, but my camera, notebook and official demeanour soon got their attention, and it was quite easy to explain in pidgin English that they were facing a €100 fine if they failed to hand over €10 on the spot for the, er, parking fee. I netted €120 before the rest got the jitters and moved on!

Flush with cash, I treated myself to a glass of fizz at the St Pancras champagne bar when I arrived in the smoke! Well, there's no chance of Kent Highways or our beloved council performing this service, so the way I figure it I'm doing everyone a favour, myself included. Go on, fill yer boots! There's enough gold in that there undercliff for everyone!

All Quiet On The Western Front

Just back from watching my old chum and our 5th Greatest Living Thanetian Tom Hanks in Angels and Demons at the Westwood Vue and phooey! I'm not sure which stunk most - the movie or the bloke's feet behind me.

I went with my new druid chums, of course. They really are a great craic, what with their jokes about metempsychosis and witty banter on the topic of human sacrifice. Whilst most of my weekend was taken up messing about with oak and mistletoe, I did find time to stroll down to the Western Undercliff here in the M's P, and wow what a difference! Here's what it looked like in March:

And here's what it looked like yesterday:

A clear view across Pegwell Bay, all the way to the majestic cooling towers of Richborough power station. All thanks to the new, super-duper yellow signs our beloved council has erected:

Although there was one miscreant who'd clearly realised the signs aren't on the other side of the road:

Still, hats off to the Gazunder for campaigning against the illegal parkers, and, er, two and a half cheers for Thanet Council for erecting the signage, albeit after three years of saying they'd do something.

I recall one foreign driver telling the paper that he had to pull up there 'because his taco had run out'. Well, he can now fill up on delicious bacon sarnies in the port cafe instead, eh! Geddit!!??!? Blimey, maybe it was my feet.

Trucking Hell

Pootling around the port here in the Cannes of Kent yesterday, I was confronted with the above vista. A gazillion foreign lorries illegally parked up on the Western Undercliff. Unfortunately my Box Brownie couldn't quite capture the rivulets of something or other that were dribbling across the road, but you get the picture.

What the millions of car and coach passengers that will be arriving to take advantage of our putative fast ferry service will make of this introduction to Ramsgate, lord knows. I seem to recall our beloved council was 'monitoring' the situation. For 'monitoring' read: 'sweeping under one of Sandy's numerous carpets'.

Last week my millionaire mate Roger had his Bentley bumped from behind by a Bulgarian bloke on the A256. He called the rozzers. Not interested, talk to your insurance company. A few days later the insurance Johnnies call, the trucker concerned was uninsured for the UK. Nothing they can do. Surely in a constituency that used to boast the Minister of Transport as its MP (before he retired to the back benches viz: consultancy work), something could be done about these rogue truckers? The excuse that they're foreign, and therefore somehow above and beyond our road traffic laws, is beginning to wear extremely thin. A bit like the grass down on the Western Undercliff!

Port Whine

With Dover due to go on strike tomorrow, what chances of me being able to pilot the old Priapus in or out of the Millionaires' Playground in less than an hour, what with all the trucks that'll be queuing for our lovely port? Still, if the lorries I'm stuck behind are half as amusing as these ones spotted by readers recently, the time will just fly by!

Click here to read more about Dover strike in yourfannitinnit
Click here to read in Lloyd's List how Dover's major customers accuse it of 'abusing its dominant position'

French fries

Dirty re: Marks

Stacked!

With the filthy French blockading their own Channel ports again, it looks like Ramsgate - Oostende has become the crossing of choice for the truckies. Pootling past the port tunnel road in the Priapus just now, it was nose to tail with juggernauts backed right up onto the roundabouts. In fact the sign said it was officially closed - our own mini version of Operation Stack perhaps - and trucks were being diverted to the port through the town.

Still, it's all money for the port, which already contributes a tidy sum to the council coffers. Who knows, if the French keep this up, we could all get a rebate on our council tax next year! Vive la difference!

East Cliff Reopened By Little Old Lady

Hurrah! At long last the barricades have been torn down and millionaires are now free to roam at will along our once crumbling, now repaired cliff top! Well, er, actually it appears to have been an act of defiance by one of the local grans, who's clearly been taking her iron tablets:

Either that or Her Madge (gawd bless 'er) had been booked to do the honours. Didn't spot any corgis, though.

Meanwhile, regular contributor Steve has also been out and about this afternoon, and sent me the latest piccies of the Western Undercliff (unofficial) lorry park via his mobile:


As you can see, the trucks have parked where there should only be cars, so the cars have been forced to park where there should only be grass. Our beloved council have recently, er, parked a scheme to prevent this situation, caused by foreign (and hence 'untouchable') truckers waiting for the ferry, by erecting lorry-unfriendly bollards. Instead their new masterplan is to have a 'three month monitoring period'. Yes, of course, 'monitoring' it will make all the difference, won't it!