Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Building Shite

No doubt inspired by my previous item concerning typographical errors, reader Barry writes:

Has anyone else seen the artist's impression of the new development they're proposing for the slipways next to the Maritime Museum in Ramsgate Harbour? I enclose a photo.

It's on public display at the Ramsgate Town Council offices at the Custom House. I see some wag has made an attempt at a critique by scrawling an arrow to the development with the word 'site' above it, but they have surely ruined the joke by accidentally omitting the 'H'?

Haha! Yes, well Barry, if I had jug ears and horsey teeth I might well describe the thing as a monstrous carbuncle on the face of an old friend. As it is, my teeth are (natch) perfect and the old shell-likes a treat to behold, so I'll just say it looks like a crap uPVC conservatory on steroids!


Anonymous said...

Old Rum One said

What the green blazers is thet all about ?

Anonymous said...

Well I attended Hereson finishing academy for young gentlemen.

As an Old Heresy I would say that building is a sin bin.

Anonymous said...

You could be right. Looks like an old army glasshouse now you come to mention it.

Anonymous said...

I didn't need to come to mention it but, nonetheless, damned fine idea that I should do so.

As an Old Heresy I am not, shall we say, unfamiliar with the likes of Colchester or Shepton Mallet.

I am now seeing some merit in this. For example the tourist attraction potential of people with a prurient interest in watching inmates peeing at the double. Always more difficult on a cold day.

Anonymous said...

During my own time at "Colly" an entertaining screw fed one of my mates beetroot, another carrots and myself asparagus.

This lent something of a challenge to peeing at the double as we had to do it according to the traffic light sequence.

Fun times.

Well as an Old Heresy I did aspire to working for the council. I saw myself as a director of planning. But the interview did not go well.

"Have you a police record" they asked

"Walking on the Moon" I replied.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the people that organised this carbuncle could equally "walk on the Moon".

Our Teeny Tiny Council have now compromised themselves to any ability to take residents views forward on this matter.

Certain Cllrs should not meet certain developers behind closed doors should they?????

Anonymous said...

As I recall at Colchester, those MPSC screws used to even make us Redcaps double when we arrived with a prisoner. Most undignified for it could cause your 'weights' to drop out.

Anonymous said...

Try telling kids today about peeing at the double they won't believe you.

Peter Checksfield said...

It looks like a poor man's Turner Contemporary.

Anonymous said...

anon again!

It looks, to me, like the old Margate info centre that used to be near the Station in the 60-70's.
I wondered what they had done with it!

Peter Checksfield said...

And the 80s-90s too Anon! I recall it being demolished to make way for The Promenade Hotel (etc) circa 1999.

Anonymous said...

It looks susceptible to gasometer technology. Perhaps it could appear above ground only when it is booked for a function (such as an emergency remand centre or an Old Ruymians "we are a happy lodge !!!!" takeaway and karaoke night)

Anonymous said...

If we painted it red its emergence for use could be something of a spectacle. Like a lipstick or dog's erection.

Anonymous said...

I'm not against modern architecture but it looks quite ugly and definitely in the wrong place.

Anonymous said...

Not so much a dog's erection as a dog's breakfast

Anonymous said...

Glasshouses, long term incarceration in Shepton Mallet, peeing at the double in the MCTC Colchester, army screws and Redcaps. Sounds like some folk from Thanet had interesting National Service experiences. Anyone make it to the 'Gyppo Queen' in the Gut or Black Sue's down Tanzimat Street?

Maybe the apparition planned for the harbour could house a museum of our combined memoirs. Visitors could even pee and have chipped mugs of tea at the double for fun!

Anonymous said...

A brilliant idea.

WE could install a Victorian urinal for visitors to scrape clean with a razor blade. A lawned area for visitors to mow with nail scissors.

And, my particular favourite, puddles to be pumped clear of dirty rainwater, scrubbed clean and refilled with tap water.

I never made it to Colly. Although, as a lance jack, the SSM arbitrarily sentenced me to hanging and carried out sentence himself.

A fight between me and two Yorkshire puds of 4/7 Dragoon Guards occurred near our helicopters. York puds are often of a florid and large demeanour and so it was with this pair. Resulting in my horizontal re-alignment in close proximity to a fire bucket. I grabbed a handful of sand and introduced it to their eyes.

AS I began to throw telling combinations and kicks at my temporarily blinded opponents the SSM intervened.

And sentenced me to hanging.

I assume you are familiar with Weston differential technology. The manual chain hoist of which we had a fine example in our appropriately named "Hangar"

About a 30 feet vertical lift capacity.

He slit a hook hole under the rear of my collar suggested I pray that the collar stitching held firm and heaved at the pulley chain with gusto.

I don't know whether your experience is similar. But as a young man in certain situations (like being suspended 30 feet up whispering pleas to a supreme being vis a vis collar stitching integrity) a certain bravado takes over which is not a helpful contribution to the devloping scenario.

The SSM asked why I thought I was being hanged.

And I replied "Not a f-cking clue up here sah you keeping me in suspense"

Which so entertained the lads and the SSM that he announced a prolonged NAAFI break.

Eventually he lowered me to terra firma.

What was that all about sir.

"Fire precautions. Someone's life could depend on that bucket of sand being full"

The 4/7 lads ? Damping and blotting their eyes to recover any lost grain of sand.

There is an anecdote for the new dog's boner building.

Anonymous said...

This could really kick off. One miserable wretch when described as a 'shit house on wheels' by RSM Paddy Lynch, all six and a half feet of triangular shaped Irish Guardsman responded to the usual bellowed "What are you?" that he was a "mobile latrine." Huge roar, bordering on shriek, produced two RPs and the wretch was doubled away followed by the sound of clanging metal doors as he was incarcerated in a place 'where the birds could not shit on him' no less!

Anonymous said...

On the same theme, who remembers the Redcaps on Waterloo station. One Sunday evening on the way back to Aldershot, one took me aside and gave me a right ticking off about being a disgrace to Queen's uniform whilst his mate, all redcap, gleaming boots, shaved BD and white webbing, chatted up my girlfriend for her phone number. And the bitch gave it to him so that was the end of that romance. Happy days????

Anonymous said...

The personnel who support this edifice, are required to be doubled around the town square like mobile lollipops then rammed up the orifice of our teeny tiny council!

Anonymous said...

High time the Town Council showed it's teeth and kicked this load of nonsense into the long grass. Let's focus on getting a quality renovation of the old casino. The open space in front of the Maritime Museum is welcome and doesn't need to be filled with anything.

Anonymous said...

Anyone know who the deveoper is for this new building?

Anonymous said...

I heard they were based i nthe Cayman's and the identities of the Directors are a closely guarded secret.

Anonymous said...

Baker is the answer - and fully supported evidently by Ramsgates very own first and last?

Anonymous said...

Baker's buying up the whole of Ramsgate. Who the eff is he and where can I get my brown envelope ;-)