Parking? Fine!

Finding myself short of folding ahead of my trip to the Baftas yesterday, I resorted to an old trick to raise a few sponds.

I shouldn't really be giving away trade secrets, but what the heck! There's money to be made, and why shouldn't I share my bounty with you? Donning my captain's cap and brass buttoned blazer, and armed with a notebook and digital camera, I made my way down to the Western Undercliff next to Port Ramsgate where the foreign lorries illegally park. There was a pretty good crop ready to be harvested:

Most of the drivers were dozing in their cabs, but my camera, notebook and official demeanour soon got their attention, and it was quite easy to explain in pidgin English that they were facing a €100 fine if they failed to hand over €10 on the spot for the, er, parking fee. I netted €120 before the rest got the jitters and moved on!

Flush with cash, I treated myself to a glass of fizz at the St Pancras champagne bar when I arrived in the smoke! Well, there's no chance of Kent Highways or our beloved council performing this service, so the way I figure it I'm doing everyone a favour, myself included. Go on, fill yer boots! There's enough gold in that there undercliff for everyone!

All Quiet On The Western Front

Just back from watching my old chum and our 5th Greatest Living Thanetian Tom Hanks in Angels and Demons at the Westwood Vue and phooey! I'm not sure which stunk most - the movie or the bloke's feet behind me.

I went with my new druid chums, of course. They really are a great craic, what with their jokes about metempsychosis and witty banter on the topic of human sacrifice. Whilst most of my weekend was taken up messing about with oak and mistletoe, I did find time to stroll down to the Western Undercliff here in the M's P, and wow what a difference! Here's what it looked like in March:

And here's what it looked like yesterday:

A clear view across Pegwell Bay, all the way to the majestic cooling towers of Richborough power station. All thanks to the new, super-duper yellow signs our beloved council has erected:

Although there was one miscreant who'd clearly realised the signs aren't on the other side of the road:

Still, hats off to the Gazunder for campaigning against the illegal parkers, and, er, two and a half cheers for Thanet Council for erecting the signage, albeit after three years of saying they'd do something.

I recall one foreign driver telling the paper that he had to pull up there 'because his taco had run out'. Well, he can now fill up on delicious bacon sarnies in the port cafe instead, eh! Geddit!!??!? Blimey, maybe it was my feet.

Trucking Hell

Pootling around the port here in the Cannes of Kent yesterday, I was confronted with the above vista. A gazillion foreign lorries illegally parked up on the Western Undercliff. Unfortunately my Box Brownie couldn't quite capture the rivulets of something or other that were dribbling across the road, but you get the picture.

What the millions of car and coach passengers that will be arriving to take advantage of our putative fast ferry service will make of this introduction to Ramsgate, lord knows. I seem to recall our beloved council was 'monitoring' the situation. For 'monitoring' read: 'sweeping under one of Sandy's numerous carpets'.

Last week my millionaire mate Roger had his Bentley bumped from behind by a Bulgarian bloke on the A256. He called the rozzers. Not interested, talk to your insurance company. A few days later the insurance Johnnies call, the trucker concerned was uninsured for the UK. Nothing they can do. Surely in a constituency that used to boast the Minister of Transport as its MP (before he retired to the back benches viz: consultancy work), something could be done about these rogue truckers? The excuse that they're foreign, and therefore somehow above and beyond our road traffic laws, is beginning to wear extremely thin. A bit like the grass down on the Western Undercliff!

East Cliff Reopened By Little Old Lady

Hurrah! At long last the barricades have been torn down and millionaires are now free to roam at will along our once crumbling, now repaired cliff top! Well, er, actually it appears to have been an act of defiance by one of the local grans, who's clearly been taking her iron tablets:

Either that or Her Madge (gawd bless 'er) had been booked to do the honours. Didn't spot any corgis, though.

Meanwhile, regular contributor Steve has also been out and about this afternoon, and sent me the latest piccies of the Western Undercliff (unofficial) lorry park via his mobile:


As you can see, the trucks have parked where there should only be cars, so the cars have been forced to park where there should only be grass. Our beloved council have recently, er, parked a scheme to prevent this situation, caused by foreign (and hence 'untouchable') truckers waiting for the ferry, by erecting lorry-unfriendly bollards. Instead their new masterplan is to have a 'three month monitoring period'. Yes, of course, 'monitoring' it will make all the difference, won't it!

Pavemental

Not content with illegally parking on the road leading to Port Ramsgate, I see the foreign truckers have now colonised the pavement. So much for anyone wanting to take a bracing stroll along the prom. Presumably sightseers on foot would have to divert onto the road, and run the considerable risk of being mown down by, er, a foreign truck.

I can see how our discreet, British signage to the effect that only cars and motorcycles are permitted to park in the bays off the Western Undercliff might confuse our foreign friends, who are probably more used to four metre high signs depicting a large lorry crossed out in red. But parking on a pavement is pretty much a universal offence, surely?

PS: I see yet another building caught fire hereabouts yesterday. More details on Zumi's excellent Ramsgate blog here.

Click here for full fire story and photo on Kent Messenger website

Beside The Seaside

Following my triumph at the Baftas last night (dishing out 500 prawn vol-au-vents in under an hour is no mean feat I'll have you know), I've decided to reinstate my name above the title.

Before setting off for the smoke yesterday, I went for a stroll along the prom here in the Millionaires' Playground. Glorious sunshine, heaps of visitors, no training flights, everything a seaside town should be in the summer, except in February! But being the 'living, gloating metaphor of all that's wrong with our society', you wouldn't expect me to putting up pictures of happy people enjoying themselves, would you? No, thought not. So here's what I clocked:

Rubble cleared from the recent 'conservation' of our Marina Restaurant. Builders in charge appear to be Willow Construction Ltd. It seems to have become a bit of a tourist attraction in its own right, albeit in a shaking of the head in disbelief and tut-tutting kind of way.

A bit further along, these listed buildings on Kent Terrace are in a fine old state (click on the picture to see the full gory details). How long before a puff of wind sends them the same way as the Marina? I gather the owners have been asked to tart them up, but with an outlook that includes ten acres of flat roof felt above an amusement arcade, on which someone has dumped an old sofa, I can see why there's little incentive.


The end of my stroll, and the charming vista of illegally parked foreign lorries on the Western Undercliff. Our beloved council charges them £10 for a stay in the port lorry park, but has only ever issued one ticket along here, so it's a no brainer as far as the drivers are concerned. The only downside is that there are no toilet facilities, but hey, no worries! An empty bottle of Lucozade, or a plastic bag if it's biggies, soon fixes that!

The obvious solution would be for port security to patrol this area and clamp any offenders. But that would involve one part of the council (Maritime Services) talking to another (Foreshores? Open Spaces? Answers on a postcard.) And we all know that ain't ever going to happen, don't we?