Correction

Comrade Party Chairman Beach wishes to clarify a statement he made in his column in today's Thanet Gaznunda praising the External Investment Committee of the People's Republic of China. The article read:

Manston Business Park is the best location strategically for high-tech companies such as Iago to expand their market brands in Europe as well as the UK.

Comrade Party Chairman Beach of course meant 'high-tech companies such as Aigo', and wishes to assure comrades that he knows the difference between a manipulative Shakespearian villain and a little known purveyor of Chinese tut manufacturer of quality high-tech goods.

Politburo Extends Heartfelt Congratulations To Heroine Of The Thanet Union

The Politburo has awarded Thanet's highest Honour to 19 year old Chelsea Papilloma who hails from the State Capital Margate. Ms Papilloma has been made a Heroine of the Thanet Union following her Gold Medal for Proving That Anyone Can Walk On Water at the recent State Atheist Games, organised by the Workers' Committee for Leisure and Sport.

When not walking on water, Chelsea enjoys 'shots' and 'shagging'. Comrade Party Chairman Beach commented: 'Ms Papilloma is an inspiration to all young Thanetians.'

Your Questions Answered By The Comrade Party Chairman

Only in your super, soaraway Thanet Pravda! Each week Comrade Party Chairman Beach answers your questions!

Dear Comrade Party Chairman, I am Chairman of the People's Industrial Committee for Printing Supplies. Some years ago we had an 'incident' involving a toxic chemical. Should I go public with this? S.

Comrade Party Chairman Beach writes: Under no circumstances should you release such information. Please report immediately to the People's Committee for the Dissemination of Information for advice.

Dear Comrade Party Chairman, Greetings. I am Chairman of the External Investment Committee of the People's Republic of China. I would like to invite you on a fact-finding trip to our country, all expenses paid. I will even write your speeches for you. How about it? K.

Comrade Party Chairman Beach writes: Thank you for your kind offer Comrade Chairman. I am in favour of friendly co-operation between our two glorious Democracies in the spirit of Mutual Harmony. I would be particularly interested in seeing the Great Wall of China, the Terracotta Army, the Bird's Nest Stadium, and any other tourist attractions you can think of but you can piss off when it comes to snake liver and all that crap how the Workers' Collectives in your country interface with the State.

Dear Comrade Party Chairman, I am Chairman of the People's Committee for the Advancement of Aviation. We have recently launched a Draft Master Plan for the expansion of the State Airport at Manston. Would it be alright to rename the airport in honour of your unthinkingwavering support? M.

Comrade Party Chairman Beach writes: I would regard this as a great honour Comrade Chairman. I understand that your Draft Master Plan contains a proposal for a new Terminal Building, which I am sure will need a substantial quantity of floor coverings which you will no doubt be obtaining from State Carpet Manufactory Number 12 (Cliftonville).

People's Film Festival Announced

The Politburo is pleased to announce the forthcoming People's Horror Film Festival in the State Capital Margate. The Festival has been approved by the Workers' Committee for Leisure and Sport, and screenings will take place at the Central Hall for Heroes of the Thanet Union (formerly Theatre Royal) this Saturday.

Entries must be approved by the Politburo. For the avoidance of doubt, capitalist decadence of the following nature will NOT be approved:



Here is an example of material that HAS been approved by the Politburo:

The Truth About The Chairman's 'Yacht'

It has been brought to the Politburo's attention that subversives and dissidents have been spreading rumours suggesting Comrade Chairman Beach has been 'holidaying' with 'property developers' on his 'yacht' in the 'Med'.

There is no truth in these rumours. For the avoidance of doubt, Comrade Chairman Beach has been on a gruelling inspection tour of the Adriatic Fleet as part of his duties as Commander-in-Chief, Thanet Naval Forces. During his tour he spent an hour on board the Wantsum class cruiser Marshall Godden taking tea with a Committee Chairman who had a complaint about the Workers' Collective. We understand that during this conversation State funding was NOT discussed, and that the lackey of capitalist oppression was given a thorough 'carpeting' by the Chairman.

Politburo Secures 30,000 Roubles From Central Government

Party Chairman Comrade Beach is pleased to announce that 30,000 roubles in funding has been secured from Central Government for the State's capital city Margate.

The funding will be used to facilitate the construction of the People's Heritage Amusement Park on the seafront. This park will not, as some dissidents have suggested, be full of 'knackered old rides that other seaside towns have been only too glad to get shot of'. The Politburo has already secured the site with 6 meter high electrified fencing at a cost of more than 40,000 roubles.

Suggestions that other seaside towns such Bexhill-on-Sea and Littlehampton have done much better by receiving 1m roubles and 480,000 roubles respectively will not be entertained.

Click here to read story on decadent BBC website

Bloggus Interruptus

I must apologise for my hissy-fit on the comments to the post below, but really! Some people just don't seem to understand that there's only room for one self-serving, sanctimonious sh*t-stirrer on this blog.

Applying the dictum 'what you say says more about yourself than it does about others', it seems my anonymous interloper was a redneck Beavis and Butthead fan (s-ooo 1993!) who failed journalism school and subsequently developed rampant haemorrhoids. Oh well, no matter. As I needed a break anyway I've decided to put this blog on hold and swan it up in the smoke for a while. Be seeing you!

Water Cock-Up

Say hello to cyclohexanone, the new, super-duper additive that could be in Thanet's water supply!

This six-carbon, cyclic molecule with a ketone functional group is a colourless, oily liquid with an odour reminiscent of oil of peppermint and acetone, and is used as an industrial solvent. Apparently local printing ink manufacturer Sericol, which is owned by Japanese giant Fujifilm, dropped a bit of an old bollock, along with seemingly vast quantities of this stuff, at its Pyson's Road factory twelve years ago. It appears the Environment Agency has now confirmed that the clean-up operation is still ongoing, and that they've so far recovered 470 tonnes of cyclohexowhatsit, and that the underground water supply has been damaged.

A quick flick through my National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health Pocket Guide to Chemical Hazards tells me that cyclothingywhatsitdoodah targets the eyes, skin, respiratory system, central nervous system, liver, and kidneys. So, the full mixed grill then. Presumably our beloved council was charged with the controls on this site. As one commentator said recently: 'I wouldn't trust them to be able to control their own bowel movements'.

Full marks to campaigning biblio-bloke Michael Child for going public on this, based on some excellent research by, of all people, our very own Irritating Bloke, Rick!

Click here to read more on Thanet Online
Click here to read Environment Agency's FOI response re Sericol

This article has NOT been approved by the Politburo. Comrades are reminded that Sericol provides much-needed jobs in this area, as do other developments on the State's aquifer such as Kent International Airport and China Gateway. For the avoidance of doubt, the People's Central Committee for Health has reported no ill-effects from cyclohexanone and furthermore have carried out tests which suggest it may well be beneficial to health (e.g teeth whitening).

Who Am I?

Normally a question I reserve exclusively for my celebrity psychiatrist, Dr Fraudstein. However speculation over my true identity seems to be mounting to fever pitch, judging by a couple of comments I've recently had here on the big blog.

So to calm things down a bit, and because I've been told to do so by my majority shareholder the Cecil Square Politburo, I've popped another of my 7 day polls in the sidebar on the right. I've been told that, should you punters come up with the right answer (and one of them is the right answer), I'll be made to publish photos, name, address and inside leg measurement. Cripes!

This article has been approved by the Politburo

Ramsgate On The Up

Erm... here goes... Ahem! It's been pointed out to me by my majority shareholder, the Cecil Square Politburo, that I've been a bit, um, negative about the island over the past week. So to redress the balance I've been trawling the papers to find some good news. Et voila! An item about those nice chaps at the Royal Harbour Hotel that was published in the London Evening Standard a couple of weeks ago. The article begins:

There is probably nowhere more agreeable to spend a lazy hour in the south of England than on the balcony of the Royal Harbour Hotel Ramsgate. You look down on the pretty, 18th-century harbour, you watch the departure of the ferry (leaving for Ostend) from the port. With the Sunday papers and a coffee, life holds little better, providing the sun is out.

The piece then motors on for another thousand words or so, waxing lyrical about roaring fires (no mention of roaring, knackered old jumbos), old knick-knacks, verandahs and parapets ect ect. Casting the old mincers over the by-line, I see it was penned by none other than Country Life's Editor-at-Large Clive Aslet, who, the last time I looked, actually had a pied-a-terre here in the Millionaires' Playground, and who was responsible for positioning Ramsgate in Country Life's top five property hotspots of 2006, providing the inspiration, in the process, for this very blog! Good on yer Clive!

Click here to download Evening Standard article from the Royal Harbour website where they're also congratulating RAFLKRMIA on the publication of their Daft Bastard Plan last week, I mean they must be bonkers, do they really want their guests to wake up with a pounding headache in the middle of the night or have their 'Sunday papers and coffee' ruined by the windows rattling every ten minutes I mean

This article has been approved by the Politburo

Pollution News

If you're wondering who that lump that's currently rattling the windows of Ramsgate belongs to, it's Ghana International Airlines. I think I can be certain that it's a 757, since Ghana International Airlines only possess one plane, a 757 leased from our old friends Astraeus, Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson's airline of choice.

I've popped their contact details below, should you feel inclined to complain to them about the fumes, noise and greenhouse gases they're spewing out on their training circuits over the Millionaires' Playground!

Click here for more details of Ghana Airlines on Wikipedia
Click here to complain to Ghana Airlines

This article has NOT been approved by the Politburo. Politburo member Comrade Latchford points out that the airport has created millions of jobs in Thanet, and is set to employ another 10,000,000 comrades by 2010. This is a small price to pay for the distress and inconvenience caused to the relatively small number of party members who live in Ramsgate.

KCC Claws Back Shortfall With Sponsorship

Cripes! Following the loss of 50 million smackers when their assets got frozen in Iceland recently, I hear that Kent County Council are set to repair their finances by allowing commercial sponsorship of venues and place names across the county! Here are some of the changes you can look forward to:

Sandwich becomes KFC Zinger Sandwich
Deal becomes Big Mac Meal Deal
Walmer becomes Getting Much Walmer, Courtesy Of British Energy and EDF
Dover becomes P Andover
Herne Bay becomes Herne Bay Windows (Double Glazing) Ltd
Wye becomes Wyevale
Folkestone becomes Folkestoned, Courtesy Of Exotic Indoor Herbal Cultivators (Ramsgate) Ltd

Locally, we can expect to see the following:

Margate Winter Gardens becomes Margate Windows Gardens
Cliftonville Lido becomes Cliftonville Ludo
Pierremont Park becomes Perriermont Park
Palm Bay becomes Palmolive Bay
Broadstairs becomes Broad Stannah Stairlift
Thanet becomes Thanet - Home Of Chinese Globalisation

(That last one's too ridiculous for words - Ed.)

This article has NOT been approved by the Politburo.

Bentley Does It

Yikes! I see robbers made off in a Bentley after a raid on the Halifax in Ramsgate last night! They must have heard Our Gordon Master had stuffed it full of lovely taxpayers' dosh. Just goes to show that even the local millionaires round here are feeling the pinch!

What's that? Where was I last night, officer? Er, um...

Click here to read full story in Thanet Extra

This article has been approved by the Politburo

Ball Jugglers Wanted In Westgate

Kevin Crace, Saviour of the Westgate Shed, er, Pavilion has asked me to put out the following appeal:

When I took over the Westgate Pavilion last week there was an amount of money that had been collected for a disabled access by the former charity from public donation, totalling roughly £1,300. As I’m now a limited company and paying for the disabled access personally I feel that it would be wrong for me to accept these funds.

Looking for a worthwhile benefactor for the money we came across a Kent based Children’s hospice called Demelza House Children’s Hospice. They certainly look like a great charity who could do with some good funds for the children leading up to Christmas. So, we have now taken this one step further and here’s where I need your help.

On Friday November 7th we propose to hold a charity party in aid of the hospice to raise as much cash as we can and to add it to the £1,300 and to give it to the kids in time for Christmas. The Charity party will be free entry, with a voluntary donation. We have a great local party band - One For The Road - playing free of charge to entertain the guests, plus DJ’s and a whole evening of quality entertainment. We’ll provide a free buffet and we aim to raise additional funds via a raffle etc.

I now need assistance from people who can provide any of the following for us. To welcome guests in our grounds: fire-eater, string quartet, street magicians/jugglers etc

We also need to know if any businesses could provide donations for the raffle prizes. We’d also like to see if any local businesses could provide any toys, new please, so we can also send these across to the children in time for Christmas. These can be collected by us, or dropped to the Pavilion on Sea Road, Westgate.

I know the economic climate is tough for all of us, but with the money that presently sits with us, and any additional money we can raise on the night, we Thanetians can really do some good here in time for Christmas for the kids.

Could you also PLEASE ask all your readers to include it on their blogs too, so we can virally evolve this project. Thanks Richard, we could really make a good difference here for the kids.

Happy to oblige, Kevin! If you've got talent or prezzies to donate, email our Kev at: kevin@mindflite.com

This article has been approved by the Politburo

Veiw Form The Tope

Reader Wendy has emailed me with the response she received from Our Glorious Leader to her strongly worded complaint about the granting of planning permission for China Gateway:

Cear wendy,

I notice that u only moan about con cllr but no labour
Yet many voted for the china gateway 9llr mark nottingham was rhe most
critical of those that lived in acol
I would be happy to meet with u and doiscuss all the issues
Those that ihave met have gone away with a more open mind
Both MPs r in spprt and steve ladyman has also come out in sppt of phase
2 and 3

Please contact annette on 577108 should u wish to meet in my office

Sandy

This article has NOT been approved by the Politburo. Any suggestion that the Chairman cannot spell or is incapable of rational thought should be immediately expunged from the minds of all good citizens. For the avoidance of any doubt we can inform you that this email was typed one-handed on the chairman's Blackberry whilst he was attempting to carry out a particularly difficult manoeuvre in his ZiL at the Mill Lane multi-storey car park.

Update: Politburo member Comrade Gregory adds: Richard, I am sure you do not know that Sandy EZ has a problem with spelling, its a mild version of dyslexia. I would hope that you are not taking the Piss out of someone who has put the disadvantages of a disability behind them.? Ken

Cider House Fools

Yikes! It seems Churchills pub here in the island's premier town will be the venue for an interesting social experiment this Saturday - a cider festival/comedy music gig! The guzzlefest is courtesy of those splendid chaps at Thanet CAMRA, who organise the wobbly knees-up at the Mike and Bernie Winter Gardens each Easter, while the gigglefest will be provided by Ramsgate's new purveyors of comedy and music, Tropical Robots.

Tropical Robots are promising 'an eccentric Birmingham 8 piece' called Misty's Big Adventure, featuring a 7 foot, rubber clad dancer called Erotic Volvo. Just the ticket after you've knocked back the 50 ciders and perries, and 'cider-related food' that'll be on offer!

Click here to go to Cider Festival website
Click here to go to Tropical Robots MySpace
Click here to go to Misty's Big Adventure MySpace

This article has been approved by the Politburo.

An Announcement From The Politburo

Following widespread panic and fears for the moral bankruptcy of this blog, the Politburo has decided to take unprecedented but essential action and, as of this morning, now owns a majority stake in Eastcliff Richard.

With many Thanetians ceasing to support them, we at the Politburo cannot just leave our developer friends on their own to be blogged about. For property magnates, for small carpet businesses, and for future owners of luxury apartments, we must in an uncertain and unstable world be the rock of stability on which our mates can depend.

To let the chits (What that? - Ed.) fall where they may would be the height of irresponsibility. It would be a failure of leadership at precisely the moment vigorous action is needed to protect our chums who need that help the most. And if we pull together as an island, we can come through these times covered in more concrete (Surely 'glory'?- Ed.) than ever before.

The Politburo
Cecil Street
Margate

Boatloads Of Dosh

Ahoy me hearties! A big ECR 'Mwah!' to everyone who clicked on my recent 7 day poll to raise money for the brave chaps at the RNLI. The final result was:

Yes, I'd like ECR to donate 25p per vote to the RNLI: 94% (88 votes)

No, I'm such a miserable old skinflint I can't even bear the thought of giving somebody else's money to charity: 5% (5 votes).

As I find five people not wanting to donate someone else's money to a very worthy cause rather incredible, I've taken the total number of votes - 93 - as the final tally. Which makes a whopping £23.25! And to show I'm a good sport, I've doubled it by adding £23.25 of my own hard-earned, bringing the total to £46.50, which, as you can see from the screen grab above, I paid online.

Um, oh, er, Cyril, my accountant, has pointed out that the first £23.25 was also my money. Oh well, if I'm ever caught out in my Sunseeker by a force 10 blow, I'm sure I'll consider it money well spent!

Click here to read more about the RNLI SOS Day or donate direct

S.O.S.

Don't forget you've got less than a day to spend my sponds in aid of the RNLI! For every 'yes' click I'm donating 25p, so get on my poll in the sidebar on the right and do your stuff!

Teeny-Tiny Council Gets Go Ahead

As well as the momentous decision on China Gateway last night, our beloved council had other business to attend to, such as granting Ramsgate a town council. First Ramsgate Firster and all-round Family Guy Gerry O'Donnell writes:

One small step for a town council, one giant leap for Ramsgate. Perhaps the district councillors were tired after the bruising three hour pitched battle over the China Gateway. Perhaps.

The churlishness with which they voted in a parish/town council for Ramsgate spoke volumes about the institutional malady that infects the district council chamber.

Sandy Ezekiel baldly stated that the Ramsgate Town Council will be brought into effect after the 1st April 2009 and that elections to it would take place “probably” in September 2009. No words of congratulation for the people of Ramsgate who, he acknowledged, had voted for their own town council in the District Council’s Referendum. There was no wishing them well. Just a minimalist statement that made you feel it was a molar being extracted without anaesthetic.

Richard Nicholson, seconding the motion, was his usual ungracious self and offered no words of good will for the people of Ramsgate. Nor were there any words of congratulation from any of the other Ramsgate District councillors. The people of Ramsgate should take note.

And then came the vote.

As chairman of Ramsgate First it was a wonderful moment. The shine was not taken off by the miserliness in which the motion was carried. Four years of hard, tiring, often frustrating work. But it was for Ramsgate, and for me and the supporters of Ramsgate First that was reason enough.

I believe that Ramsgate now has an opportunity to build itself a better future with a Town Council that will more jealously guard its inheritance and more boldly assert its future potential. No longer will Ramsgate be an afterthought in the District Council’s deliberations.

Now the really hard work begins. We must make sure we elect Town Councillors that really care about the town and who are willing to work.

Well done Ramsgate.