P'd O At PO Q's

First we had the Royal Snail™ delivering the post after most decent folk have gone out to work for the day (not me of course - one of the advantages of being a, er, resting celebrity), now we have queues backing up to Belgium every time we visit our Post Office™ here in the Millionaires' Playground.

Ever since the laughable 'consultation' followed by inevitable closure of our local, teeny-tiny Post Offices™ in January, the main Post Office™ in the High Street has been rammed. A half hour or 45 minute wait before you get to the counter now seems to be the norm. Very annoying when all you want to do is pay in your 45p BBC royalty cheque from a repeat of that brief appearance on Wogan in 1992.

Meanwhile, over on the seedy, smoky north side of the island, our beloved council looks set to dispose of part of Margate's splendid old Post Office™ in Cecil Square. As ever the Uranians are on the lookout for assets to flog, and apparently they own a bit of it. Presumably this doesn't mean the Post Office™ itself will close. Or does it?

Click here to see TDC's cost-cutting, asset-flogging proposals

End Of An Earful

In Memoriam
Mr Filthy Talk Talk
Popular, If Somewhat Outspoken, Postmaster

So, Farewell
Then Mr Filthy Talk
Talk.

'Effing bloody
Talk Talk',
That was
Your catchphrase,
Which echoed
Round your
Teeny-tiny Post Office™

Only the six
Investment properties
And £70,000
Redundancy to
Fall back on now.

Maybe you should have gone for their free broadband deal after all.

E.C. Richard (29)

Ladyboy To The Rescue!

I see my local MP, Dr Steve Ladyboy, has sent out a circular asking for views on the three post office closures that are proposed here in the Millionaires' Playground.

Well, when I last looked, the Post Office was still owned by HM Government, incumbents Gordon and Chums, the very same party that Dr Ladyperson represents. So couldn't they just tell them not to go ahead with it? I mean, a report out today predicts the UK population will rise to 157m by the middle of the century, and everyone's constantly urging us to cut our carbon footprints and shop local, so it's a bit short-sighted to shut local POs, isn't it?

In other news, the old Toyota Priapus was vandalised last night along with a number of other cars in the street. Must be the half term holidays.

Blimey! With Dr Biggles taking a break from Thanet Life at the moment, I seem to have taken over as the island's Chief Tory!

PO Closure Poll Closed

Foregoing the delights of tonight's Mayoral supper, described as 'an evening of fish and chips and clairvoyance' (presumably the meal will come wrapped in tomorrow's newspapers), I'm bringing you instead the final result of my latest 7 day poll:

Question: Do you agree with the Post Office's plans to close three sub-post offices in the Ramsgate area?

Yes: 27% (10 votes)
No: 72% (27 votes)

An overwhelming majority, then, against the closures. Which is why it's surprising that, according to today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder, only five people have so far responded to Thanet Council's online consultation regarding the closures. Especially when you can respond as many times as you like. I think I must have accounted for all five just by myself.

You can also voice your objections by emailing: consultation@postoffice.co.uk

And if you're really desperate you can sign the petition being run by Jonathan Aitken's wannabe successor as the Conservative MP for South Thanet. Try not to stare at her picture for too long, though. I did, and now I can't get rid of this strange voice in my head repeatedly whispering 'Vote Tory'.

No More Filthy Talk Talk

It's a sad day for Ramsgate's trendy East Cliff. As part of swingeing cuts by the Post Office, Mr Filthy Talk Talk's teeny-tiny sub-post office in Bellevue Road is likely to close by the end of the year. In fact he'd already put up a closed sign when I went round there for a book of stamps yesterday afternoon.

It seemed to me that the great man had been on some kind of customer service course recently, as instead of the customary effing and blinding, he'd taken to addressing me as 'Sir', and asking how my day was going. On one occasion he even got off the phone to serve me as soon as I walked in.

It was gratifying to learn, then, that he has reverted to type on the news of the pending closure. One of the locals reports that, on going in to get a photocopy made of a Victorian print of the street yesterday morning, he was greeted with the salutation: 'Eff Bellevue Road.'