Ha ha! No, not another of those 'earner burners' that are our speciality here in the tip of Kent. No, reader Colin writes:
Hi Ricky! As if to prove the old dictum that they'd flock to the opening of an envelope in Boredstares, there must have been thousands lining the cliff tops last night to watch a very small Viking boat being set on fire on the beach in Viking Bay.
Apparently it was all in aid of the 100th anniversary of Bradstow School and supported by Wandsworth Council and those Mears people who do public sector building maintenance, who had even brought a film crew all the way from Manchester to capture the momentous event. I suspect they won't be doing that in future, once Eric Pickles has got hold of them.
The cops were out in force, bumping up their overtime and pensions by ensuring the serried ranks of octogenarians didn't start a riot, but they were almost outnumbered by the health and safety police who had everything cordoned off. The fire brigade were also there just to make sure the boat didn't set fire to the sand or the sea. The do-gooders also apparently insisted the fireworks went off at 9:15, in broad daylight, which rather spoilt the effect if you ask me.
It struck me, seeing the Viking Warlord's body being placed on the boat and then set fire to, that this would be an appropriate send-off for a local amusement park magnate who seems to have a lot of bad luck with insured property being burnt down, as and when his time comes!
All the best, Colin
Well Colin, I take your point about Eric Pickles. With 25% to slash off local government budgets it would seem obvious that the axe should fall on events first. They aren't really an 'essential service', are they? Besides, with all the talented, professional people (moi) round here who are prepared to organise better things at no cost to the taxpayer, surely the private sector should be getting first dibs!