Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Ant-Sized Dick

The director I'm working with out here in Cana-da-da-da appears to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He'd been hoping to pitch a new game show to ITV, but feels that today's announcement of £3,000,000,000,000,000 losses and squillions of redundancies has put the tin hat on it. Consequently he's tailspinned into a terminal decline.

Personally I have to agree with my fellow Thanetian Adem. I can't remember the last time I tuned in to ITV. The news is shite, Corrie's crap, and the entertainment programmes appear to consist mostly of Z list celebrities falling on their arses. And then there's Ant and Dec (shudder). I should imagine ITV's audience profile goes something like this:

50% - Old gippers staring aimlessly at the 21 inch Bush in the corner of the day room at their residential home
49% - Crack addicts who've lost the remote down the back of their Argos sofa
1% - Quadriplegics whose mouthpieces have fallen out.

The only glimmer of hope for Michael Grade and his cohorts is my old showbiz chum Harry Hill. I shall be emailing Mike forthwith to suggest that Harry presents News at Ten and plays all the parts in Coronation Street and Emmerdale, starting first thing Monday.

Posted from Vancouver via iPhone

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