Monday, August 18, 2008

Noah Hope For Thanet

I'll be going round and having a word with those feckin eejits at the Environment Agency so I will. Standing up today and saying they'll be abandoning our beautiful south coast to the sea. Sure already the arses have put forward a bollix plan to flood the place as far as the Thanet Way. We'll be after building a feckin ark next.


Anonymous said...

Dear Sister Assumpta, If you have to build an Ark, make sure not to make it of wood, you will need fire proof materials, despite being surrounded by water.

'MR X'

Michael Child said...

Sister I have recently seen several decisions made by the environment agency that make neither environmental nor economic sense and am beginning to wonder how the officers that make these enormous decisions are qualified. I would expect at least a doctorate in the appropriate area of geology, however some of the ones I have communicated with recently seem to have no grasp of the technical side whatsoever.

The whole Wantsum area is very low lying and made of soft loam, a few big storms is all it will take to wash it away roads, railways, houses agricultural land, including a large part of Canterbury.

When they talk of putting the Thanet Way on a bridge, as they have, it presupposes the railway has already been washed away, as it was in the 1953 storm.

Anonymous said...

If I were you I'd start building the ark now -by the time it is finished you may well need to use it. I would be very choosy who you let come into it though.

Dick Rubin said...

Dear Sir / ermmm, Sister.
I have wood...and some timber for an ark. Can I come with you....though this time it would be wise to be a bit more selective about some of the animals you let on board, Noah was a bit too enthusiastic what with cats, hedgehogs, fruitbats and bears (there were no woods). May I also suggest bringing along a group of lap dancers I met in Hounslow? Resorting to incest to repopulate the planet is asking for trouble, I mean who did it with whom? Noah and his family they said! Not good and definately got off on the wrong foot post sinful cleanse number 1. Its a bit like having a colonic irrigation and then eating a double egg and sausage muffin with pancakes. Anyway if you could see fit to oblige I'll be happy to do the Lords work for him. p/s Forget about the doves this time, I have quite a fetching eagle.

Anonymous said...

dick rubin

In fact the statistics dept at University of Kent did some work on this.

Taking genetic samples from across the world they calculated that the whole human population on earth could have decsended from one woman (Mrs Noah or Eve)

But only if she had children by twelve different men.

The Professor said the only definite conclusion to be drawn was that Eve never came from Thanet.

She would never have found twelve good men.

Anonymous said...

Some mysterious Hebrew signs appeared on lampposts at the weekend in the area near the Montefiore synagogue - perhaps Eve's descendants were gathering to decide who to have in the ark and making sure they were at the top of the list?

Lucy Mail said...

Given that Hebrew males have their foreskins removed at an early age, leaving them with nunskins, would that make them eligible to enter a member of your order?

Lucy Mail said...

Oh dear! I meant to say 'as a'.
Never mind.

Anonymous said...

Apparantly parts of The Isle of Sheppey is being washed away at a rate of 4 feet per year. So it's not all bad news...

Michael Child said...

Sister you seem to have had an extra forward slash so the link wont work.

Sister Assumpta said...

Wash yer mouth out with soap, there'll be no forward slashing on my blog.

As I was saying, only those personally blessed by the Holy Father will be saved, yer eejits, and that means me and Father Fisher over in Ramsgate.

Anonymous said...

Vrom my seat here in ze Vatican, I am seeing nussing more zan irreverence and blasphemy. I vill be excommunicating all off you at ze earliest opportunity. Zister Assumpta, you must go back to your convent immediately. Ze Muzzer Superior has a letter from me telling her vot to do.


Anonymous said...

The Hebrew signs on lampposts were indeed Qabbalistic and they indicated the way to a bawdy Jewish 70s theme disco night.

Literally interpreted

"This way to the Sin a Gogo doo"

Anonymous said...

Thank you Mr X

Reference to Noah's original notes shows that he had the problem covered

"Ark: the Hare Hold angles singe"

"And trigger the sprinkler system"

Half Man Half HobNob said...

I think I'll live on an Island,
Make it harder for townies to get here,
Park their cars by the Roman Galley,
And make them travel by raft.

Flood the Wantsum
Flood the Wantsum
Flood the Wantsum
For a right good laugh

Flood the Wantsum
Flood the Wantsum
Flood the Wantsum
Give Cliffsend a bath

Anonymous said...