Typical! I'm going to miss out on all the fun when our beloved council finally meets to rubber stamp CGP's 3m sq ft China Gateway business park this coming Wednesday. What a cha siu bunfight that promises to be! Sadly I'll be sunning myself in the Caucasus courtesy of Mr Ceaucescu (no relation).
I can offer a bit of an André Preview, though. Rummaging through the now infamous Tesco bag in the corner of my study here at the cliff top mansion, I see the Uranian planning department has recommended approval but with a squillion stipulations, viz:
- provision of a southern access link road
- provision of a travel plan
- highway improvements
- pedestrian and cycle links
- HGV route control
- education and training provision
- landscape, ecology and drainage management and monitoring
- pubic art provision
Not quite sure about the last one, but the rest sounds like more than a plateful, and might well have the developers choking on their chop suey. The council's planning department are also recommending the construction of mains sewers rather than the icky-sounding cesspits CGP previously wanted to put on top of our island's lovely aquifer. There are a squillion other stipulations regarding the control of noise and light pollution, landscaping and archaeology, etc etc blah blah blah. I would go into more details, but bugger it, the blasted thing's 54 pages long and I haven't yet packed my Louis Vitton!
Next week your host will be 'nun' other (geddit?!!!?!) than Sister Assumpta, the island's new agony aunt sensation. The holy mother will be here to sort out your life, relationship and ethical problems, as she puts it, 'not with a bang but a wimple'. I trust you'll give her a warm, ECR welcome and by that I do not mean a hot poker up the jacksie. Pip pip!