Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Don't Hold Your Breath

I must say, reading the news that Kent's finest are to breathalyse every driver involved in a crash had me in stitches! So much so that the old glass eye popped out and is currently being batted around the study by Bertie, my pedigree Burmese.

And the reason for the hysterics? Well, have you tried getting Her Majesty's Testicle Scratchers to attend an accident recently? I have, and they don't. Regular readers will remember I was rammed up the jacksie by a white van man on the A2 last December. A call to the rozzers elicited the blunt response 'We will not be attending.' And a while back, when I was, er, dismounted from my throbber by an inattentive hit and run driver, a similar call to the constabulary was met with the advice 'We're too busy to send anyone. Just take down witness details and report them to your nearest police station.' Not so easy to do when you and your two-wheeler are splayed across a main road in a number of irregularly shaped pieces. But hey-ho, they did offer to send the ambos over, which is something I suppose. (The offending driver turned out to be uninsured. Not that the cops discovered that, or did anything in fact. I had to don the deerstalker and do all the sleuthing myself to bring the rapscallion to justice!)

So forgive my cynicism when it comes to this new initiative, which looks more like a PR puff than anything which might actually be put into practice. A shame really, as these days, every time I see them charging down Victoria Parade with the blues and twos blaring, I imagine they must be on their way to an important pensions meeting, or that a nice bit of Battenburg has just come in at the nick canteen. No wonder the crime stats are falling. We've all learnt from bitter experience there's no point picking up the phone to the plod in the first place.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm led to understand from reading Police blogs traffic Police have been cut right back.

Anonymous said...

I read somewhere that there are only four traffic patrols on for the whole of London in the wee small hours so the chances of being breath tested are miniscule not that they would want that publicised ooops

Dick Rubin said...

From Car 54
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0N6YgivIqjI

sister assumpta said...

You are an evil man Mr Eastcliff and I pray for your soul every evening. The Good Lord has blessed us with wonderful policemen here on our beautiful island as witnessed by the many arsonists they apprehend each day. I will be personally intervening with His Holiness and asking him to canonise all of them at the earliest opportunity.

Anonymous said...

Dont hold your breath Joke:

In the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt. It is impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however. They both get out. One is a doctor and the other is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his car phone; they'll be there in 20 minutes. It's cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away.
Aren't you also going to have a drink? the doctor says.
After the police get here. replies the lawyer.

Eric said...

Please don't start on about the law, else Prick will pop his head up "....in 1971, when I was investigating the "suicide" of Matron Mary McGill at the home of Leonard....”

Anonymous said...

oooo it's just started raining. i love the rain, it is so peacefull. sometimes i watch people going to work in the morning when i have just finished playing GTAIV with a duvet wrapped around me and a cup of tea. bliss. anyway i called the police recently about an abusive relative who sent me a text saying i was lazy and they sent around a wonderful specimen. goodlooking , suntanned and big meaty thighs. If he was sitting accross your chest naked you would know about it. marvelous.

Anonymous said...

That sounds interesting Eric especially as it seems to have stuck in your memory.

Have you got a link for that ?

Anonymous said...

That policeman looks too young to me