Thanks for all your hilarious entries to my recent caption competition. The panel of judge (me) has now decided the winner. In time honoured etc. I'll announce the top three in ascending order [drum roll]:
Third with 'I'd better ring Jimmy and congratulate him' is, er, Anonymous 11:31am!! [Applause]
Second with 'Better f*cking toss some more water on that mate' is, um, Anonymous 9:46am!!! [Wild applause]
But the winner of the Jeroboam of vintage Shampagne (£9.99 at all participating Aldis) is none other than... 'Rog, do you know what would be really bleedin' funny? If after this I said to the chair of planning, 'You're fired!', courtesy of, er, Anonymous 2:34pm!!!! [Manic applause as entire audience vomits with excitement]
Unfortunately, as none of the top three appended monikers to their entries, I'm going to have to toddle off and swig the lot myself. Chin chin!